Alright, so I know this is a very common issue on Windows 7. I know this because after a few google searches, I was able to find a solution which seemed to work for everyone but me: Uninstalling all of the Java updates/the program itself and reinstalling it, then making sure that it is checked to 'launch on startup'. I've done this before, and it worked that time. Now, I can't get my minecraft client to launch at all.
If I look in the task manager processes, I can see the program is launching, but it sort of just freezes. I've restarted my computer, reinstalled java and all of that stuff multiple times now, and I'm just looking for an answer to this I'm going to try deleting my .minecraft folder now. If it works I'll post again.
Yeah I tried that, and it didn't work when I saved it to the same location as the other one was. Then, I deleted the launcher again and saved it to my downloads on my HDD (as opposed to my SSD) and it started working... I don't know why it wouldn't open from my desktop, but at least it's working XD