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Episode III - The turning. Script

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HolyGrenade   06-01-2002 at 12:58:58 AM

OK, so its not gonna be called that, and I don't have the actual script. But I thought Lets start making an alternative version of the film. The THG version.


Opening Credit:

A Long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, things were happening we shouldn't even be bothered about, but here goes anyway. This is gonna be a PG film, so we'll just tell you that Anikin already bumped Padme. Oh they got jiggy wid it alright, but you'll have to wait for the xxx version for details about that. Kids, if you don't know what that means then ask you mommy during dinner.


Opening scene:
[Anikin, stamping up and down, flailing his arms all over the place] You're so mean, I hate you!

[Yoda] Your Anger to control you, you allow. Fear leads to anger, Anger leads...

[Anikin] Be quiet you midget before I b!tch slap your furry green midget ass!

[Obe wan] I have a bad feeling about this.


<pre>Some one else continue</pre><p>
<b><font color=red>This is not a signature.</font color=red></b>

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FatBurger   06-01-2002 at 01:32:52 AM
- 0 +

[Yoda]Much to learn, you have. Much anger I sense in you.

[Anakin]I want my mommy!

*Anakin runs from the room*

[Mace Windu]Hand my my lightsaber. It's the one that says "Bad Mother[-peep-]er" on it.

<font color=blue>Hi mom!</font color=blue>

Reply to FatBurger
svol   06-01-2002 at 04:27:16 PM
- 0 +

[Yoda]You do what with lightsaber?

[Mace Windu]I'm going to kick that kids ass.

*Mace Windu leaves room and goes after Anakin*

With a hovering case crashing takes a whole new meaning... :smile: .

Reply to svol
silverpig   06-02-2002 at 03:24:48 AM
- 0 +

*cutscene to jarjar*

[jarjar] You meensa Imma gonna die???

*jarjar explodes*

[darth sidious] Excellent job darth tyrannus, that little motherfscker was really pissing me off.

[darth tyrannus] Pissing you off? You shoulda seen the mess he left in the bathroom.

If my baby don't love me, I know, I know, her sister will.

Reply to silverpig
svol   06-02-2002 at 12:23:50 PM
- 0 +

*on the same time in the room where Anakin was*

[Anikin] What do you want you sh1t face?

With a hovering case crashing takes a whole new meaning... :smile: .

Reply to svol
Tom_Smart   06-03-2002 at 02:03:56 PM
- 0 +

cut to last scene, very end of movie
[Yoda] told you i did.

Although it has a lot of good ideas, beer doesn't know anything about computers!!!

Reply to Tom_Smart
svol   06-03-2002 at 05:35:17 PM
- 0 +

Well that was a short movie... I want my money back.

With a hovering case crashing takes a whole new meaning... :smile: .

Reply to svol
HolyGrenade   06-03-2002 at 11:03:35 PM
- 0 +

I'll reserve that as the alternate ending, only available on the DVD.

<b>cut scene, swirly wipe effect, to the jedi hangout</b>

[Mace Windu] Learn to control your emotions. Even non-jedi guys your age can do that.

*Cue the Imperial March music, enter Senator Palpatine*

[Yoda] Reminds me of something, that music does.

[Palp] Young jedi, you have the most amazing power I have seen in a long time. good thing you are choosing [cough]dark[/cough], I mean right side.

[Yoda] Where I heard that, still cannot get a fix on.



<b><font color=red>This is not a signature.</font color=red></b>

Reply to HolyGrenade
FatBurger   06-03-2002 at 11:36:00 PM
- 0 +

[Palpatine]I made you this spiffy dark suit. I would've done white, but it gets dirty to easy.

[Anakin]Cool! Hey...why aren't you wearing one of these?

[Palpatine]Uhh...oh look! Jedi to exterminate!

[Anakin]I hate you all! I hate you all! I hate you- wait, why am I killing the Jedi?

[Palpatine]Because...because...they don't want you to be powerful!

[Anakin]Oh, ok. Now where was I...oh yeah. I hate you all! I hate you all!

<font color=blue>Hi mom!</font color=blue>

Reply to FatBurger
silverpig   06-04-2002 at 12:45:33 AM
- 0 +

*cut scene to jarjar's grave*
*anakin jams his lightsaber into jarjar's grave repeatedly in a rage*

[anakin] "But I hate you most of all you fscking piece of intergalactic space sh1t!!! God dammit, couldn't you at least have learned how to fscking speak properly?!?! They got friggin robots that are less fscking annoying than you were. I mean, you sound like you're constantly getting pounded up the a$$. Take a fscking speech therapy class b1tch.

Fsck."

If my baby don't love me, I know, I know, her sister will.

Reply to silverpig
HolyGrenade   06-04-2002 at 01:11:25 AM
- 0 +

[Obe Wan] I have a bad feeling about this.

<b><font color=red>This is not a signature.</font color=red></b>

Reply to HolyGrenade
HolyGrenade   06-04-2002 at 01:19:19 AM
- 0 +

* cut to binks grave *

[dooku] I think he's dead, but you can never be too sure.

[anikin] You cut off my hand you bastard!

[dooku] No, No, No. I'm dooku's cousin, err... duckduck. [mumbles] We'll according to the penthouse cameras, padme wasn't complaining when you were... [/mumbles]

[anikin] What!

[duckduck] Nothing. padme isn't into superficial things... like, um... hands. She is very noble. *mumbles* And she's got a damn fine... */mumbles*


<b><font color=red>This is not a signature.</font color=red></b>

Reply to HolyGrenade
svol   06-04-2002 at 06:25:49 PM
- 0 +

[anikin] What you saying... take a speaking theraphy or I will do the same with you as I did with JarJar.

With a hovering case crashing takes a whole new meaning... :smile: .

Reply to svol
HolyGrenade   06-08-2002 at 09:58:45 PM
- 0 +

*Tumbleweed*

<b><font color=red>This is not a signature.</font color=red></b>

Reply to HolyGrenade
HolyGrenade   06-08-2002 at 10:10:46 PM
- 0 +

<pre>OK, thats it! dramatic change in storyline</pre><p>
*A vast pyramid shaped ship drops out of hyperspace and stops in Naboo's orbit.*

*The people of Naboo hear a voice from the skys*

<b>Voice from the sky:</b> PEOPLE OF NABOO, THIS IS HOLIUS MAXIMUS GRENADIUS... YOUR SUPREME RULER. YOU WILL WORSHIP ME. DEFY ME AT YOUR OWN PERIL. THIS PLANET IS NOW IN MY DOMAIN.

*A smaller pyramid is released form the ship, which descends into the planet and lands. Millions of Ja'ffa are transported to the planet. Hundreds of death gliders roam the sky.*



<b><font color=red>This is not a signature.</font color=red></b>

Reply to HolyGrenade
mfud   06-08-2002 at 11:17:31 PM
- 0 +

funny. have you already seen this movie?
i have seen the episode II but not the III.

Reply to mfud
svol   06-09-2002 at 12:14:34 PM
- 0 +

Duh, III isn't out yet.

<b>P75 @ 90 Mhz</b>... because I need the speed.

Reply to svol
HolyGrenade   06-11-2002 at 03:00:04 AM
- 0 +

* The Ja'ffa place the stargate outside the pyramid. It engages a wormhole breifly after they are summoned by Lord Grenadius.

Four people walk through the gate *

<b>Dr Jackson:</b> *looks at the pyramid* This doesn't look good.

<b>Col. O'Neil:</b> Ya think!

<b>Maj. Carter:</b> Sir, this isn't P3X349.

<b>T'ealc:</b> Indeed it is not.

* Two jaffa run out and stun them with zat guns *

<b><font color=blue>Hand of God is a distant memory as the foot of <font color=red>Beckham</font color=red> strikes.</font color=blue></b>

Reply to HolyGrenade
lhgpoobaa   06-11-2002 at 03:08:56 AM
- 0 +

*cuts to padmere & joda*

padmere: well im glad that jerk has gone... bit of bonking, a few temper tantrums, 2 kids then he buggers off! and now im all alone... except for you to keep me company jedi windu

Windu: [-peep-] i love being a jedi... get to kick ass and pork a piece of madmere ass!

*fades out*

<font color=blue>Pants Down! Turn Around! Bend Over! You're about to Experience Telstra broadband! :lol:

Reply to lhgpoobaa
HolyGrenade   06-12-2002 at 02:37:55 AM
- 0 +

<b>Lord Grenadius:</b> Fools. You forced your stargate to engage a wormhole through a nearby star. That star may go supernova or collapse and form a blackhole.

<b>maj. carter:</b> *looks to the colonel* he's right sir, thats what may have happened.

<b>Lord Grenadius:</b> SILENCE! *punishes the major with the hand device*


CUT SCENE TO THE STAR.


*truly the star explodes, but then the particles get drawn back towards the center and a shockwave fires outwards. A much bigger wormhole is born. *

* meanwhile far far away, voyeger was escaping teh borg using transwarp. The wormhole intersecting the star misalings the transwarp fields and voyager ends up near naboo *


CUT SCENE

<b>maj kira:</b> Captain, the wormhole just opened up. there are anomolies in the sonsor.

<b>Sisko:</b> We need to investigate. To the batmobile, I mean defiant.


CUT SCENE

* The defiant comes through the wormhole. the wormhole then starts emitting flashes of light *

CUT SCENE

<b>Rimmer:</b> Holy mother of smegg. What the heck is that!

<b>Kryten:</b> I believe that is a wormhole sir. It may lead to a far away galaxy, or just drop us off a few feet ahead.

<b>Lister:</b> I've run out of vindaloo, lets see if they have any on the other side of the hole thingy.

* The bug goes through the wormhole *

[CUT SCENE]


* The wormhole emits pulses of light again as the bug exits. It along with the difiant are fired across towards naboo. A few more ships follow. *

[CUT SCENE]

* In the vicinity of naboo there are now several ships, Enterprise with Kirk, Voyager, Defiant, A few borg cubes, The Bug, A shadow vessel, A Whitestar, That ship from Andromeda, Lexx, Moya and Galactica. *

[CUT SCENE]

<b>Yoda:</b> Trouble, I sense.

<b>Obe Wan:</b> I have a bad feeling about this.





<b><font color=blue>Hand of God is a distant memory as the foot of <font color=red>Beckham</font color=red> strikes.</font color=blue></b>

Reply to HolyGrenade
lhgpoobaa   06-12-2002 at 03:04:55 AM
- 0 +

hahahahahahahaha

i noticed a whitestar turned up, and a shadow vessel too.

now all we need is that space van from SpaceBalls, the ship from Blakes 7 and the mothership from the original movie event horizon... or was it black hole?



<font color=green>Hamsters</font color=green> <font color=red>don't</font color=red> <font color=green>play</font color=green> <font color=red>Soccer.</font color=red>

Reply to lhgpoobaa
svol   06-12-2002 at 03:21:49 PM
- 0 +

Star Waek or Star Trrs?

<b>P75 @ 90 Mhz</b>... because I need the speed.

Reply to svol
HolyGrenade   06-13-2002 at 02:14:29 AM
- 0 +

* The whitestar lands on the planet. Kosh goes down to the Jedi Place *

<b>Kosh:</b> Your enemy stands close to you.

<b>Yoda:</b> Clouds everything, the dark side does.

<b>Kosh:</b> Illusions are at work. Deceptions in their will.

<b>Mace Windu:</b> What are you trying to say.

<b>Yoda:</b> Hard to see, our surrounding. Not what it used to be, The Jedi council is.

<b>Obe Wan:</b> I have a bad feeling about this.

<b>Kosh:</b> He waits. He builds his...

<b>Lita Alexandar:</b> Oh for heavens sake. Palpatine is Darth Sidious of the sith.


[CUT SCENE]


* Kirk, Spock, and a third guy beam down near the pyramid, they hide behind a rock made from paper mache *

<b>Kirk:</b> * looks at the Ja'ffa wearing metal armour *
Spock, do ... you ... think we could ... make all female ... officers in enterprise wear ... that?

* The third guy looks around nervously *

<b>Spock:</b> I see no logical reason for having them wear that uniform. But since you are the captain, the decision is yours.

* A ja'ffa spots them, and fires his staff weapon *

<b>The third guy:</b> Noooooooo. * he gets shot as the bolt goes right through him.

[Sound effect]CHU CHU[/Sound effect]
<b>Kirk:</b> Kirk to ... enterprise. Three to beam ... up.



<b><font color=blue>Hand of God is a distant memory as the foot of <font color=red>Beckham</font color=red> strikes.</font color=blue></b>

Reply to HolyGrenade
svol   06-13-2002 at 07:02:47 PM
- 0 +

<b>Scotty:</b> [Scottisch accent]But captain...I only scan 2 live signals

<b>Kirk:</b> No time to explains... beam us out of here.

<b>Scotty:</b> Ay, captain.

<b>P75 @ 90 Mhz</b>... because I need the speed.

Reply to svol
varlo   06-13-2002 at 09:12:41 PM
- 0 +

*see Kirk getting transported off the planet,then back again on the planet *

<b>Kirk</b> What's wrong scotty ,why is it that we cant beem back to the ship ?

<b>Scotty</b> [Scottisch accent]I dont know captain,I'm giving her all she's got,captiain Kirk,captain Kirk I got me balls stuck in overdrive ! <pre>help</pre><p>[/Scottisch accent]

<b><font color=red>My frog asked me for a cigeratte...dunno what happened he's all over the place :eek:

Reply to varlo
Chuck232   06-15-2002 at 02:48:39 AM
- 0 +

<b>Kirk</b> Ouch that must hurt! Get the Doctor on that right away! I'm confining you to sickbay.

<b>Scotty</b> [Scottish accent] Ay, sir! Right away, but what are you going to do?[/Scottish accent]

<b>Kirk</b> Oh don't worry. Uh oh....

[Sound Effects] PEW PEW
ja'ffa shoots

<b>Spock</b> [Pained voice] Ouchie, it hurts like a b*tch, captain. I don't think I will survive this ordeal. Go on without me. [/Pained voice]

<b>Kirk</b> OK.

<b>Spock</b> [whispering to captain] No, no, you're supposed to argue with me.

<b>Kirk</b> Oh.

My firewall tastes like burning. :eek:

Reply to Chuck232
svol   06-15-2002 at 01:41:42 PM
- 0 +

-Cut screen to the control room of the pyramid-

<b>Stupid cadet:</b> Sir, we're getting a transmission from those weird greeny cubes.

<b>HOLIUS MAXIMUS GRENADIUS:</b> Ok, let me hear it.

<b>Transmission Voice:</b> [borg voice] We are Borg, you will be asimilated, your defensive capabilities are no match for ours. Your culture will adapt to service ours, resistance is and always have been... futile. [/borg voice]


<b>P75 @ 90 Mhz</b>... because I need the speed.

Reply to svol
eden   06-15-2002 at 03:45:10 PM
- 0 +

Don't wanna interfere but don't you guys think we're drifting too much from a Star Wars atmosphere?

I'm no Trekie so I have a hard time knowing who the hell the guys are... although I do know a few of them.

--
Meow

Reply to eden
svol   06-15-2002 at 03:51:12 PM
- 0 +

Yeah, but this film will be the first movie from the Star Wak series and film 3 from the Star Wars series.

<b>P75 @ 90 Mhz</b>... because I need the speed.

Reply to svol
HolyGrenade   06-16-2002 at 04:30:19 PM
- 0 +

thats called designer evolution. give the people what they want.

<b><font color=blue>Hand of God is a distant memory as the foot of <font color=red>Beckham</font color=red> strikes.</font color=blue></b>

Reply to HolyGrenade
HolyGrenade   06-16-2002 at 05:01:08 PM
- 0 +

<b>Lord Grenadius:</b> Send them... a gift.

<b>Ja'ffa Prime:</b> Yes my lord.

-cutscene to borg cube-

* a large tank apppears with snaky creatures in it. The borg drones go near the tank. The Goa'uld symbiots jump out of the tank and blend with some of the drones. The drones fall to the ground *

-cutscene to bug-

<b>Cat:</b> Look at all them cool ships. Why are we the only ones in the ugly green thing!

<b>holly:</b> *looks upset* Hey!

<b>Lister:</b> look at tha' one. It looks like a big dick with scaffolding around it!

<b>Kryten:</b> Sir I'll hail that ship.

<b>Rimmer:</b> No! what if they're hostile!

<b>Kryten:</b> Too late sir.

* channel opens *

<b>Captain of andromeda:</b> Hi there. I'm the captain of this ship. I used to be hercules you know!

<b>Lister:</b> Thats nice. look. have you got any food. we've run out of ours.

<b>Kryten:</b> But sir. We have plenty of salad and ...

<b>Lister:</b> Shh...

<b>Hercules:</b> I'm sure we can spare you some healthy food. You know I bumped Xena.

<b>Lister:</b>Thats nice. Have you got some vindaloo?


-cutscene to Jar Jars grave-

* Some Ja'ffa are taking his body to a sarcaphogus, under the supervision of a minor goa'uld. *

-cutscene to the borg cube-

<b>borg queen:</b> I can't hear some drones. where are they. 4 of 9...

* One of the drone gets up and looks at some drones busy working on the ship *

<b>blended drone: </b>I am Apophis, your new god. You will worship me.

<b>other drone: </b> Gods are irrelevent. You will be assimilated. resistance is futile.

<b>Apophis:</b> You dare question the Goa'uld!

* apophis fires some green bolts and runs off, two more of the blended drones follow him. The borg drones surround the other blended drones and kill the remaining goa'uld symbiotes in the tank. *

-cut scene to space-

* a few more ships arrive. among them the space van and the other mentioned ships, plus the galaxy quest ship*

* a few seconds later an o'neil class asgard ships jumps through. *

<b><font color=blue>Hand of God is a distant memory as the foot of <font color=red>Beckham</font color=red> strikes.</font color=blue></b>

Reply to HolyGrenade
lhgpoobaa   06-17-2002 at 04:35:50 AM
- 0 +

*magic portal opens*

and thru floats an Elven Amarda being chased by 3 Neogi Deathspiders.



<font color=purple>All advice I offer has been
Audited by Arthur Andersen.</font color=purple>

Reply to lhgpoobaa
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