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Microsoft Reveals ''Where's the 'Any' Key?'' Website

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April 26, 2010 3:27:49 PM

Chicken feed, you MicroSoft can do better.
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-22
April 26, 2010 3:33:57 PM

Back when I was doing internet support:

"Ok how long is the cable between the modem and the phone socket?"

"I dont know, a few years".
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24
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April 26, 2010 3:45:20 PM

Cute
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3
April 26, 2010 3:51:38 PM

I live in the US but is is good to see a contest for once that is not only availible in the US.
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5
April 26, 2010 3:52:17 PM

Microsoft teaming up with Sony???
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0
April 26, 2010 3:53:24 PM

moomoomanBack when I was doing internet support:"Ok how long is the cable between the modem and the phone socket?""I dont know, a few years".


My sister once called me to ask where the on button was because she couldn't find it.
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12
April 26, 2010 3:55:07 PM

After this one i actually just took the rest of the day off! -

Five years ago I was working for an electronics store as in store tech support. I received a call on a Monday morning from a frantic woman who just purchased a notebook from us about a month before. She was in a state of panic and after about 10 min of calming her down I was able to find out what she was so worried about. She asked me over the phone if the computer virus that her computer has will infect her other family members! After another 10 to 15 min I was able to understand what all the panic was about, when a screen came up the she was infected and not taking action could cause other infections she had locked herself in the room and would not allow her family in. This happened on a Sunday night at about 10 pm so she slept in the room and waited for out store to open because she assumed we were the only people that she could ask about the computer. After another half hour of assuring her that it would not hurt her family she let them in and returned the computer.
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30
April 26, 2010 4:02:49 PM

I miss the good old Simpsons episodes. ;_;
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5
April 26, 2010 4:10:37 PM

When you guys comment your story tale here, I hope you also submit it on the website, you may win.
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9
April 26, 2010 4:10:38 PM

@combat88: userfriendly.org is nothing like it. Also "Microjew" is uncalled for. Also, your caps is stuck.
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4
April 26, 2010 4:12:44 PM

First time on the phone with a customer who was able to bring up a web page I had asked them to go to a web site to test their internet connectivity. I said "Open up your internet explorer and type in www.tomshardware.com" Their response was "I don't see a web page!!! the internet is not working!!!" I asked them to spell the everything on the address bar and they would angrily spell "wwwdottomshardwaredotcom"
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9
April 26, 2010 4:19:55 PM

verenosAfter this one i actually just took the rest of the day off! -Five years ago I was working for an electronics store as in store tech support. I received a call on a Monday morning from a frantic woman who just purchased a notebook from us about a month before. She was in a state of panic and after about 10 min of calming her down I was able to find out what she was so worried about. She asked me over the phone if the computer virus that her computer has will infect her other family members! After another 10 to 15 min I was able to understand what all the panic was about, when a screen came up the she was infected and not taking action could cause other infections she had locked herself in the room and would not allow her family in. This happened on a Sunday night at about 10 pm so she slept in the room and waited for out store to open because she assumed we were the only people that she could ask about the computer. After another half hour of assuring her that it would not hurt her family she let them in and returned the computer.


You need to post that on the site man....
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15
April 26, 2010 4:20:13 PM

This brings back old memories of when I worked in tech support. Everyday when I thought people couldn't get any dumber, I was always proven wrong.
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14
April 26, 2010 4:23:17 PM

I once had a customer call because his cup holder (CD-ROM drive) was broken. True story. I heard this story many times before, but I believed it was just a myth. I mean, people can't be that dumb, right? I almost wet my pants (while struggling to stay professionnal) when I got that call.

@combat88 : Wow, a website that shares similarities with another website? Impossible! Take your antisemitic comments elsewhere.
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10
April 26, 2010 4:25:09 PM

When I submitted my tale, I get "An error occurred. Please try again later."
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2
April 26, 2010 4:30:50 PM

CD-ROM drive != cup holder. Nuff said.

(No, I've never known anyone to actually do this, but I'm sure some of the stories are true).

My uncle was firmly convinced however, that the McAfee software which came pre-installed on his PC was a virus he got from browsing the internet because it kept popping up warning messages at him, and he wanted me to remove it. It took at least 30 minutes to explain that, no, that software is protecting you from viruses.
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5
April 26, 2010 4:36:37 PM

gsacksCD-ROM drive != cup holder. Nuff said.(No, I've never known anyone to actually do this, but I'm sure some of the stories are true).My uncle was firmly convinced however, that the McAfee software which came pre-installed on his PC was a virus he got from browsing the internet because it kept popping up warning messages at him, and he wanted me to remove it. It took at least 30 minutes to explain that, no, that software is protecting you from viruses.

I would side with him that McAfee was a virus myself :p 
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22
April 26, 2010 4:37:49 PM

So.... Microsoft creates a "Stupid User Stories" site. And this is supposed to be "news"?

I guess it could provide a little amusement, tho...
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-17
April 26, 2010 4:42:37 PM

I did 2 and a half years as remote tech support... do you have any idea how many tales I would have?
How many my coworkers could bring up to?

There is one thing that comes from my workplace... every "funny story" you hear about tech support is always half true... the other half we're covering it so that there's still room for hope for humanity
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2
April 26, 2010 4:45:12 PM

Quote:
You need to post that on the site man....


I did but I am in the US so no hope in winning but I hope it will help other in the same situation.
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2
April 26, 2010 4:49:14 PM

I met a guy with MCSE and was raising a family who couldn't even figure out what port on the back of a modem goes to the wall socket in a house. Who hires these incompetant people?
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1
April 26, 2010 4:51:35 PM

Quote:
gsacks
CD-ROM drive != cup holder.


It's a true story... I even hear someone running in her house "Open the windows" (talking about IE) and I waiting on the phone...

At this point, you don't know if you need to smile or just cry...
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4
April 26, 2010 4:55:35 PM

End user is creating a DVD slide show. Hard copy photos have been submitted to her for scanning but now some have been emailed in. She asks me what the best settings for printing are that will work best when she goes to scan them. I just looked at her like a dog with its head tilted to one side...
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5
April 26, 2010 5:07:05 PM

I was trying to help my mom over the phone one day because she was trying to type something up. She was getting very aggrivated. Long story short I asked her what "was in the open window" and she yelled back "THERE ARE NO WINDOWS, I'M IN THE BASEMENT". Then she hung up on me. After I was finished laughing I made the hour drive to appologise and help her out.
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7
April 26, 2010 5:08:32 PM

funny comics
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1
April 26, 2010 5:23:14 PM

Here's an advice: Go through all the postings on the website. Just don't eat or drink before that :) 
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2
April 26, 2010 5:38:45 PM

Oh man, if I had a penny for every time I had one of these I would have more cash than Bill Gates
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1
April 26, 2010 6:12:30 PM

back_by_demandOh man, if I had a penny for every time I had one of these I would have more cash than Bill Gates

I bet you would have a couple of bucks.
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2
April 26, 2010 6:20:54 PM

The best one I have is when working retail for an office supply company I had a customer call in looking for a new Ink for her printer. Simple enough, or so I thought. When I picked up the line to assist the customer her exact words were "I have Windows 98, what black ink cartridge do I need?"

At the time my store carried over a hundred different ink cartridges, toners, ink tanks, print heads and refill kits. From several different manufactures, both OEM as well as 'store brand' equivalents to most as well. In short I have a 7 foot tall wall 48 feet long with every square inch filled of JUST ink.
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2
April 26, 2010 6:41:29 PM

OK. Back in 1983 or so the Oakland computer retailer at which I did support & repair had a contract with Lawrence Livermore Labs (the "Star Wars" guys). We got an angry phone call from one of the researchers that we had delivered a non-functioning Epson printer and we were personally interfering with classified work. So, I got in the car, drove to Livermore, spent about an hour having my FBI profile vetted and was finally escorted through a variety of high tech gates and sealed steel doors to the lab in which the printer sat. All blackboards were covered and I was watched intently by a researcher and an armed guard as I unrolled the power cord, plugged it into the wall, and printed some test pages from the PC. The guard looked unhappy with the researcher as I simply observed "It helps if they are supplied with AC."
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7
April 26, 2010 7:30:01 PM

I was working tech support for a software company and got a call from a gentleman who had a problem that needed the program reinstalled. So part of our process for walking him through reinstalling over the phone involved emptying the recycling bin (dont ask why its even worse than this story). here's how it went:
me: ok sir go ahead and empty your recycling bin
him: I dont recycle
me: no no the recycle bin on your computer
him: where's that?
me: its on your desktop
him: what's my desktop?
me: its the screen you see with all the little icon pictures on it and a design behind them with the arrow in the middle of the screen when you first start your computer.
him: oh ok.... (long pause) ... How do I empty my recycle bin?
me: right click on it with the mouse and choose empty recycle bin.
him: which button is the right button?

The software I was troubleshooting? Stock charting software. This guy probably had millions of dollars tied up in the stock market but couldnt empty his recycle bin!
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5
April 26, 2010 7:46:45 PM

My first tech support job was for a large computer company that starts with the letter D. I was working in the Government, Education, and Enterprise accounts division. I had been there a few years so I was a "Level 2” tech, which mean I was got to handle the really weird problems or stuff some level 1 techs could not figure out. I received a call from my direct supervisor and was told "I have a customer I want you to take care of. He is a colonel at the pentagon, and he is in charge of purchasing, so I don’t care what it takes, just make sure this guy is happy, even if you have to send him a new system. He has been transferred from several different techs, to customer service, and generally given the run around. I what you to make sure he is happy so he continues to buy our computers" I say "no problem I can fix anything." So my boss transfers the customer to me and I say, "I am sorry you were given the run around, but I assure you I can fix anything and I will work with you until you are satisfied. So let me get a little back ground on what the problem is and I will see if I can fix It." the customer tells me "My computer is working fine. I just want to know how to get to some of them naked girly sites on the internet"! After updating his antivirus, I referred him to several well know web address, and asked him if he was happy with the support he had received. After he had hung up, I called my boss and let him know what the resolution was. I just taught a Colonel at the Pentagon how to surf for Porn!
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10
April 26, 2010 7:57:48 PM

I used to work for a company providing dial-up Internet service. Anyway, onetime I got a call from a lady wanting to make sure we were still coming out. She informed me she was calling me on her cell phone because her land-line wasn't working.
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3
April 26, 2010 8:14:50 PM

I had a good laugh with some of this stories!

keep this up everyone needs a laugh!
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1
April 26, 2010 8:35:25 PM

I worked as an in-store tech for Circuit City. A lady comes in asking if we sold any servers. I told her we didn't. She then replies, where can I buy a server, I keep getting a message on my computer "cannot connect to server"? True story.
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4
April 26, 2010 9:01:30 PM

After helping my grandma buy a computer I realized had to teach her how to use it. The first thing she did was pick up the mouse and try to use it on the monitor screen. I taught her enough to get her going and she is quite good now but I will never attempt to teach someone how to use a computer again.
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1
April 26, 2010 9:14:36 PM

So many... stories. I'm hoping for a laptop.
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Anonymous
April 26, 2010 9:15:50 PM

This is one I was told about,

A person calls with a print problem.

Tech: Are you running the printer under windows?

Caller: no, it is next to a door. But the person in the office next to me has it under a window and it works.
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1
April 26, 2010 9:23:09 PM

Tried to post this on the site but it was having issues. I'll try again later but I still wanted to share.

Several years ago I had the bright idea of building a computer for my mother, she lives in Florida and at the time I was living in Virginia. After she received it she called and I walked her through hooking it up. Hooking everything up really wasn't much of an issue, the issue came when it was time to boot. The case I used was a plain beige Antec Basic. Everything was beige including the optical drive with the exception of a 1" diameter silver power button right about in the middle front of the case. She asked "how do I turn it on", I replied "press the silver button". "I don't see a silver button" was the response I got. I then told her where to find it and she still was unable to. This went on for about 30sec (seemed a LOT longer at the time) with voices and tempers escalating. Finally she said "oh, that silver button". Then she asked where the manual was that came with it. I said "there is no manual, I built it". "What do you mean you built it, I want a manual". Needless to say, that went on back and forth for a while as well with both of us losing patience and our tempers rising. In the end she ended up boxing it up and shipping it back to me and buying an Emachine because it came with a manual.
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1
April 26, 2010 9:31:49 PM

JMcEntegartMy sister once called me to ask where the on button was because she couldn't find it.

I've built several pc's and I still can't find the on button on some macs
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2
April 26, 2010 10:37:08 PM

My uncle put a CDrom on the microwave to program it...
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0
April 26, 2010 10:52:42 PM

i submitted a ticket at a job once that stated "eu was getting error message. i advised them to shut off their monitor and asked if the error message was still there. -closed"

i had coworkers ratting me out right and left every time they came across that ticket. they'd drag a manager over to my cubicle, or whisper amongst their cubicle mates. it was quite hilarious.

man i hated that job... >_
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0
April 26, 2010 11:42:00 PM

verenosAfter this one i actually just took the rest of the day off! -Five years ago I was working for an electronics store as in store tech support. I received a call on a Monday morning from a frantic woman who just purchased a notebook from us about a month before. She was in a state of panic and after about 10 min of calming her down I was able to find out what she was so worried about. She asked me over the phone if the computer virus that her computer has will infect her other family members! After another 10 to 15 min I was able to understand what all the panic was about, when a screen came up the she was infected and not taking action could cause other infections she had locked herself in the room and would not allow her family in. This happened on a Sunday night at about 10 pm so she slept in the room and waited for out store to open because she assumed we were the only people that she could ask about the computer. After another half hour of assuring her that it would not hurt her family she let them in and returned the computer.

Wow. This reminds me of my early fright at the 'illegal operation' messages.
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0
April 27, 2010 12:41:18 AM

So i was working at an office supply store a few years ago, and a woman who had bought one of our computers called for help. after speaking to a few of the other Tech depot employees, one of them finally called me, since he knew i was a tech and i took the call.
she immediately barraged me with questions, "who are you? what happened to the other guy..." all that. once i had convinced her that i might be competent, i found out that her monitor would not work properly.
the conversation went something like this.

Me: Check the back of the LCD, there should be two cords plugged in.
her: okay...i only see one.
me: Which cord is that? the video or the power?
her: huh?
me: (sighing heavily) does the cord go to your computer or the wall.
her: what are you talking about? this is the computer!
me: does it go to the tower or the wall?
her: The tower
me: then that's video. where is the power cord?
her: that is the power, isnt it?
me: unplug it from the computer and tell me how many pins it has.
her: three
me: (pauses for a long, silent minute. blink slowly several times) and you plugged the other end into the monitor?
her: yeah. i was supposed to right?
me: that side goes into the wall. and where is the video cord? it should have blue ends.
her: oh THATS the video? one like that came in the box but i didnt think i needed it!
me: (fml)

it makes me sad to be human sometimes...
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3
April 27, 2010 1:27:09 AM

Funniest thing ever... I was hooking up a 5.1 surround to a mans PC so he could play games. I put the sub under the desk in the back and he asked "wait, if we put it there how will i hear it?"
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3
April 27, 2010 2:57:37 AM

Cool site and concept.

A friend once told me that someone asked him when he was opening the computer case, 'Wouldn't that let the internet out?'

He almost died...
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2
April 27, 2010 3:14:52 AM

lol - this is the best entertainment i've had this whole week....gr8 lafs !!!! :D 
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1
Anonymous
April 27, 2010 4:17:49 AM

I set up internet and e-mail for an elderly friend so she could keep in touch with children abroad. Asked some months later how it was going she replied that she'd stopped sending e-mails because she was worried about the cost of the long distance calls.
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1
April 27, 2010 6:12:50 AM

>8( normal don't call toms out on stuff but this is just blatantly misleading toms implies this contest is open to US residents but its not (where on the tomshardware.com/us not Tomshardware.com/uk
not to mention the prize is in pounds and is only open to

1. ELIGIBILITY:

This competition is open to any person resident in the UK who is 18 years of age or older at the time of entry. Employees of Microsoft or its affiliates, subsidiaries, advertising or promotion agencies are not eligible, nor are members of these employees’ families (defined as parents, children, siblings, spouse and life partners).

maybe its just me but =( seems like toms needs to read the articles or do a little basic research something cause this is a mass screw up not to mention how hard is it to get pounds and dollars mixed up seriously did they just see 100 and go ooo dollars.
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1
!