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OldBear   07-30-2002 at 09:20:27 PM

Time for a new joke thread.

I'll start.

For <b><font color=red>Doctor Hooter</b></font color=red>

<b><font color=blue>The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

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OldBear   07-30-2002 at 09:21:42 PM
- 0 +

Nick the Dragon Slayer was an official in King Arthur's court. He had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death.

One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to have Horatio the Physician arrange it and that he would gladly pay the 1,000 gold coins for the chance to satisfy his desires for the Queen.

The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's massive brassiere while she was taking a bath. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer had present the antidote to cure the itch.

King Arthur quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put it into his mouth, and for the next four hours, worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer could have cared less, and knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, shooed him away with no payment made.

The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into King Arthur's loincloth. King Arthur quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...


<b><font color=blue>The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

Reply to OldBear
camieabz   07-30-2002 at 09:35:09 PM
- 0 +

ROTFLMAO!!

[Nick the dragon breath]


<b><font color=blue>~ BIOS SETTINGS: Fast, Hot, Unstable...That ought to work. ~</font color=blue></b> :wink:

Reply to camieabz
svol   07-30-2002 at 09:37:13 PM
- 0 +

ROFLOL... never mess with Tha Doctor.

Due to the current economical depression it is forbidden to laugh at work.

Reply to svol
qoop   07-31-2002 at 12:35:48 AM
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OMG! take that Nick! lmao.

<font color=purple>I'm a daisy. I look like a flower, but I'm really a weed.</font color=purple>

Reply to qoop
WingDing   07-31-2002 at 10:59:16 AM
- 0 +

....OK here's my usual brand of toilet humor.....

A big tough truck driver was sppeding along highway 51 when he saw 2 guys thumbing a lift. As it was about to rain, he decided to stop and give them a lift.

The two guys delicately climbed into the cab and in effeminate voices said 'oooh thank you luvvie'. The truck driver was not thrilled to have two fags in his truck, but he said nothing and drove on.

Ten minutes later, the first fag said 'excuse me, do you mind if I fart?' The truck driver shrugged and said OK. The fag lifted his ass up and WWWWHHHHOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSHHHHHH! A long, almost silent gush of gas escaped from him.

Ten minutes later, the second fag said 'excuse me, do you mind if I fart?' The truck driver sighed but said OK. The fag lifted his ass up and WWWWHHHHOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSHHHHHH! A long, almost silent gush of gas also escaped from him.

Ten minutes later, the truck driver felt some stirrings in his bottom and said 'excuse me guys, do you mind if I fart?' The fags grinned and said OK. The truck driver lifted his ass up and PAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRPPPP! A huge, noisy fart blasted from his ass, almost deafening everyone.

The two fags smirked at each other and whispered 'Oh! A virgin!....

:smile: I am a demon
at licking my semen :smile:

Reply to WingDing
buddry   07-31-2002 at 03:42:55 PM
- 0 +

Nice one.

<font color=red>God</font color=red> <font color=white>bless</font color=white> <font color=blue>the</font color=blue> <font color=red>U</font color=red><font color=white>S</font color=white><font color=blue>A</font color=blue>

Reply to buddry
svol   07-31-2002 at 04:25:14 PM
- 0 +

:smile: LOL :lol: :smile: LOL :lol: :smile: LOL :lol:

Due to the current economical depression it is forbidden to laugh at work.

Reply to svol
OldBear   07-31-2002 at 08:42:50 PM
- 0 +

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you
at 80 mile per hour sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise
control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly, "Now don't be silly
dear, you know that this car does not have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and
growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once."

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful the radar
detector went off when it did."

As the officer writes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector
unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
"Dammit woman, can't you keep your mouth shut."

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat
belt sir. That's an automatic fine of $75. The driver says, "Yeah, well you
see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I
could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now dear you know very well that you didn't have your
seatbelt on. You never wear your seat belt when your driving."

As the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to
his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE F*** UP."

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk
to you that way Ma'am?"

"Oh heavens no, officer. Only when he's been drinking."



<b><font color=blue>The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

Reply to OldBear
camieabz   07-31-2002 at 10:49:02 PM
- 0 +

That's the best one yet!!!

LOLOLOLOL!

<b><font color=blue>~ BIOS SETTINGS: Fast, Hot, Unstable...That ought to work. ~</font color=blue></b> :wink:

Reply to camieabz
Yahiko81   08-01-2002 at 02:00:52 AM
- 0 +

tsk tsk women

<b>Agent</b> <b><font color=green>81</b></font color=green> :cool:

Reply to Yahiko81
qoop   08-01-2002 at 03:48:33 AM
- 0 +

this one is for Wingding and any other Irish lads.

One day an Englishman, an American, and a Irishman walked into a pub together. The proceeded to each buy a pint of Guiness. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverage three flies landed in each of their pints.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"

<font color=purple>People should smile more, they'd live longer.</font color=purple>

Reply to qoop
qoop   08-01-2002 at 03:56:19 AM
- 0 +

Beer drinker's Troubleshooting Manual

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is unusually pale and clear.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, and the front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror. Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Turn glass other way up so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Go stand next to nearest dog. After a while complain to the owner about its lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor swaying.
FAULT: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey game in progress.
ACTION: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not, complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent light strip across it.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up; latch self to bar.

SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark.
FAULT: The Bar is closing.
ACTION: Panic.

SYMPTOM: You awaken to find your bed hard, cold and wet. You cannot see anything in your bedroom.
FAULT: You have spent the night in the gutter.
ACTION: Check your watch to see if bars are open yet. If not, treat yourself to a lie-in.

<font color=purple>People should smile more, they'd live longer.</font color=purple>

Reply to qoop
pike   08-01-2002 at 04:34:31 AM
- 0 +

hihi.....nostalgia

<font color=blue>I`m Ancient! I have small man breasts, some white hair and roaring to go! Any takers?</font color=blue>

Reply to pike
Jake75   08-01-2002 at 08:38:27 AM
- 0 +

*lol*

<font color=green>One step closer to monkey</font color=green>

Reply to Jake75
qoop   08-01-2002 at 03:12:35 PM
- 0 +

this is what you can take to the bar the next time you go. lol. Happy drinking.

<font color=purple>People should smile more, they'd live longer.</font color=purple>

Reply to qoop
WingDing   08-01-2002 at 03:27:02 PM
- 0 +

......don't talk to me about drinking.....beer is really bad for you....

.....for example, last week I went to a gay bar, drank 30 pints of beer and collapsed unconscious in the toilets....

...when I woke up, I had the sorest arse imaginable.....

:smile: Now I am gagging
for a really good shagging :smile:

Reply to WingDing
qoop   08-01-2002 at 04:01:03 PM
- 0 +

uggh!

<font color=purple>People should smile more, they'd live longer.</font color=purple>

Reply to qoop
WingDing   08-01-2002 at 04:09:13 PM
- 0 +

...thank you....*bows to Qoop*.....

:smile: Now I am gagging
for a really good shagging :smile:

Reply to WingDing
Jake75   08-01-2002 at 04:11:38 PM
- 0 +

Hmmm, wonder why that is?

<font color=green>One step closer to monkey</font color=green>

Reply to Jake75
svol   08-01-2002 at 04:21:52 PM
- 0 +

LOL... although I read those before in Dutch months ago they still stay very amusing.

Due to the current economical depression it is forbidden to laugh at work.

Reply to svol
svol   08-01-2002 at 04:24:08 PM
- 0 +

I think he had to fart many times 'cause of the beer.

Due to the current economical depression it is forbidden to laugh at work.

Reply to svol
WingDing   08-01-2002 at 04:24:36 PM
- 0 +

....I don't know, but when I farted I blew an enormous white bubble.....

:smile: Now I am gagging
for a really good shagging :smile:

Reply to WingDing
camieabz   08-01-2002 at 05:36:45 PM
- 0 +

Quote :

when I woke up, I had the sorest arse imaginable.....


Hmmm.

Either you were raped in the toilets...or...

I usually get a sore head on wakening up. This is because my brain is dehydrated.

Does Wingding keep his brains in his arse?

:lol:



<b><font color=blue>~ BIOS SETTINGS: Fast, Hot, Unstable...That ought to work. ~</font color=blue></b> :wink:

Reply to camieabz
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