I FARTED!

It´s ok, we all need someone to look up to.


<font color=blue>I don´t have a sig</font color=blue>

*lol* you´re just too much!

"a moist and fibrous nugget"? ROTFLMAO

Put ya nose in that crack if you dare.

<font color=blue>I don´t have a sig</font color=blue>

that's sick...but freakin' funny!! LMAO!!!

Disregard my previous post.

Whew!, luck you got that fork ready...don´t want to waste such tasty things, it´s
not like they grow on trees ya know.

Here´s a recipe for ya, got it from my grandpa.
Grandpa´s delicious crack nuggets:

Monday:
Put a wet towel in your crack just to keep a perfect moist level during the whole day.

Tuesday:
Chill out day...stay in your bed, watch some telly and eat lots of chips, popcorn
and stuff like that...this will add to the flavor later on.
(Don´t forget to spray your towel now and then)

Wednesday:
Time for some exercise.
Start slowly with some sit ups and end with a sprint around your local lake (or a
few laps around a football field if you don´t have a lake around)
When your done, go straight to bed...no showers!
(Remeber to moisten your towel)

*Jake low frequency farts*

Thursday:
The pillow method.
First thing you have to do when you wake up today is to take a pee on a pillow.
You must do this as soon as you wake up as the pee tend to have a lovely yellow
tint and a spicy smelly flava to it.
Attach the pillow to your butt with the help of some ropes.
Important!
don´t add more water to the towel, the pillow will handle this.

Friday:
The day of reward!
During this week a lot of poo has undoubtedly gathered in your pants,
grab a spoon and start collecting your "baked nuggets"
Invite some friends, the neighbours and have a party!

Remember:
No showers during the week!
If you feel that you need to "drop a cable" in the toilet, don´t! (you have "diapers"
that will handle this now (the towel and pillow)

Good luck!

*fart*

<font color=blue>I don´t have a sig</font color=blue>

Just a hint for all you up and coming farters and general bottom enthusiasts....

I was always frustrated by the way turds break up when you "drop a cable" into the toilet. So, in search of a solution, I travelled to the Dead Sea, which has an extremely high salt saturation level, so everything floats on it.

Squatting down to water level, I managed to let a huge long cable uncoil from within my bowels, unbroken by gravity. I last saw this three foot long cable floating away in the direction of Jordan.

As a consequence, there were no 'gaps' in the turd in which my valuable bottom gas could hide. So I finished the day with a long, sonorous and somewhat forelorn fart that lasted all of thirty seconds, enhanced by the bubbling sound from the water surrounding my semi-submerged ass.

....hint: do not try this if you have piles - the salt water really smarts!......

Wingding - The Forum's Official Bottom Feeder

Too much...too much...*lol*

<font color=blue>I don´t have a sig</font color=blue>

Good question.

It will not be an easy thing to pick up the sound of farts, perhaps it might be possible with thousands of fart detecting satellites orbiting earth and equipped with really sensitive microphones?

One other possibility may be to install fart sensors att strategic spots around a city, just like they have cameras nowadays.

It would be neat to be able to see farts displayed in waveform, I wonder if it is possible to "release" a sinuswave fart, that would be cool.

<font color=blue>I don´t have a sig</font color=blue>

......hmmmmmmm....I've been looking for a project to entertain myself for some time....perhaps a website devoted to farting, with contributions and soundfiles from interested parties?.......

.....I'm not sure about a sine wave, but my haemorroids often cause a rather amusing 'harmonica' effect......

Wingding - The Forum's Official Bottom Feeder

......I tried to get wingding.com, but it's taken.....I could have put the farting section on the site. Let's admit it, there are other equally important bodily functions and novel perversions to discuss.....

...and of course, we'd have to have an 'agony aunt' section, to give meaningless and irresponsible advice to the lonely and vulnerable in our society.....

Wingding - The Forum's Official Bottom Feeder

..I'm looking at a few options at the moment. Like I said, I don't necessarily want to restrict it to farts....

.....if it's of the slightest interest to anyone, I've gone a few hours without a toot.....must be due one fairly soon.....

Wingding - The Forum's Official Bottom Feeder

......hey, 'bumsniffer.com' is available......

I fart in the face of normality

Actually I have an important question. How long do you have to know your girlfriend before you openly fart in front of her? I'm not talking about squatting down and guffing in her face (like I do with my wife), I just mean that you can fart and have a laugh together without being treated like a rabid degenerate.

I fart in the face of normality

Let one go on the second or third date. If she's totally offended and yells at you drop her then and their and don't waste your time with her.

<b>Agent</b> <b><font color=green>81</b></font color=green>

I think they are ok wiht farts just as long as you aren't in a confined space with them.

<b>Agent</b> <b><font color=green>81</b></font color=green>

I don't post some days on THGC and then they come upn with stuff like this... totally crazy... ROFLOL.

My watercooler contains so much water that the moon has influence upon it .

....yes but the straw keeps getting clogged with blood clots from my haemorroids.......

I fart in the face of normality

*SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSQUEAK!*
wow... this thread has broken thru the groseness barrier and out the other side! a kind of "antigross"... completely different to all things in this universe

<b>Small.Cute.Fluffy.Evil. And Creator Of Perminant Hearing Loss If Ever Used As A Qtip!</b>

That's an interesting point. I mean the relationship between the toxicity of the fart and the content of the colon.

I fart in the face of normality

I lived in Poland for a while, and they have a dish called 'Fasolka'. It's like a stew made from huge white beans. And I swear, one bowl of that stuff and you're in the one-megaton range.

I fart in the face of normality

Now that's just the kind of think that perks me up in the morning. You gotta admit, it woke you up more than your coffee did, didn't it?

Having said that, it's not often that one of your own turns against you. I'd brick up your kitchen for a thousand years or so.

Yesterday I had to do a really important presentation to a government department in Ireland, and I was really nervous. I sat on the bog and dropped a huge soft cable, it must have been at least a foot and a half long but only took a fraction of a second to exit. And not a hint of a toot. The poo stank like hell though.

Perhaps today my bowels will deliver an amusing little air biscuit.

I fart in the face of normality

have u guys heard of vaginal farts, the so called queefs? anybody has a scientific explination behind it?

--------------------------------------------------
My computer is so fast it proves the theory of relativity wrong...

Yes, a vaginal or 'fanny fart' is more common than you might imagine. It can often be caused by the male member pushing air up the woman's love passage during intercourse. The compressed air is then released with an entertaining flapping sound once the man withdraws.

If it's of any interest, farting is also a phenomenon commonly associated with childbirth. Makes sense given the compression on the intenstines and colon. Not something to ponder on while your eating your Orios.

I fart in the face of normality

Of course. I does require some effort though as there is not the natural compression effect caused by poo moving through the colon. And of course they are difficult to detect unless particularly noisy, because they lack the distinct poo smell of bottom farts.

......mmmmmmmm.......time for breakfast......

I fart in the face of normality