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God damn gophers!!

Forum Old Man/Woman's Club : Other God damn gophers!!

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ksoth   10-19-2002 at 06:10:25 AM
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Anyone have a good way of killing gophers? I mean there's this really evil son of a bitch in my lawn eating the whole thing up. I've tried drowning, gassing, and poisoning the little sh!t but he lives on! I think he's eating the roots to my beloved ficus! NO!!! Anyone know something else I can try?

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<font color=blue> "Trying is the first step towards failure." </font color=blue>

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Schmide   10-19-2002 at 06:54:26 AM
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I got pretty darn good at Whack a Mole once. You could try that if you have the patience.

Complicated proofs are proofs of confusion.

Reply to Schmide
lhgpoobaa   10-19-2002 at 07:00:27 AM
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Feed them.
Feed them well.
Find some food you can mash up that they love.
Get them addicted to it.
Then introduce Ratsack into the mushed food.
Increase the dosage slowly.
End of problem.


<b>Microsoft is good for you. MS has your best intrests at heart. MS products are easy to use, Reliable, Bug free and Secure. MS says so. What possible reason would they have to lie to you?</b>

Reply to lhgpoobaa
zpyrd   10-19-2002 at 07:15:38 AM
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A .22 works well on gophers.
Problem is you have to wait around for him to come out of his hole.


<font color=red><i>Doctor Hooter</i></font color=red> <A HREF="http://www.page3.com/" target="_new"><b>(·Y·)</b></A>

Reply to zpyrd
ksoth   10-19-2002 at 07:18:40 AM
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I think the little crap only comes up at night, so wacking it is out of the question. I hate him. Before with gophers drowning/gassing/poisoning would always work, but this guys indestructible. Before that a cat I had outside would usually take care of them, but he died a couple years ago :(

This ony time was really funny. This one gopher had like 6 holes in my front lawn. So I got the hose to the highest uppoint at let it go full blast. About 5 minutes later about 40 feet away on the other side of my lawn a bunch of water started coming out of the hole. I went over there and sure enough that little sh!t was gasping for air with a lungfull of water. A shovel and quick baseball practice took care of the rest.

Also, the problem with food is the little bitch never leaves his holes open! He's smart. He digs them up, then under-digs the holes and blocks off the openings, and they are very hard to find. I tried like 6 gas bombs already, but I think he has some crazy sectioned off maze that keeps him safe. This guys a smart one...

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<font color=blue> "Trying is the first step towards failure." </font color=blue>

Reply to ksoth
zpyrd   10-19-2002 at 07:28:45 AM
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Use a low velocity round.
Remmington CB shorts. They're about as loud as a BB gun.
But still powerful enough to penetrate the vermine's skull.
Clean him up and stew the bastard. They're tastey.

Anyway if you have a gopher problem it sounds like you live in a rual area. Who will know if you pop off a couple of LR rounds in the night?
A car that backfires is louder than a .22 LR.

<font color=red><i>Doctor Hooter</i></font color=red> <A HREF="http://www.page3.com/" target="_new"><b>(·Y·)</b></A>

Reply to zpyrd
Schmide   10-19-2002 at 07:34:08 AM
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That's frilling funny. I'm having Caddy Shack flashbacks. Have you tried a thumper, one of those ultra sonic things that cause the gophers to move into your neighbor's lawn?

Complicated proofs are proofs of confusion.

Reply to Schmide
ksoth   10-19-2002 at 08:08:32 AM
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I think I will try one of those, or 100. I so hate gophers. I just need to get another big mangy bloodthirsty cat that'll keep our lawn clear of em.

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<font color=blue> "Trying is the first step towards failure." </font color=blue>

Reply to ksoth
ksoth   10-19-2002 at 08:10:46 AM
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The problem is I never see the f*cker. Plus I don't own a gun, so that's no good. I think I'll try drowning him a few more times, I got some more gas bombs too. Then I'll try one of the ultrasonic deterrers, see what happens.

Maybe I'll do a two pronged attack, like gas bomb one side while pouring water down the other. Trap him so his only way out is death's sweet embrace.... Sounds like a plan?

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<font color=blue> "Trying is the first step towards failure." </font color=blue>

Reply to ksoth
zpyrd   10-19-2002 at 08:55:06 AM
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Can you get firecrackers?
That will piss the [-peep-] out of the gopher.

<font color=red><i>Doctor Hooter</i></font color=red> <A HREF="http://www.page3.com/" target="_new"><b>(·Y·)</b></A>

Reply to zpyrd
dhlucke   10-19-2002 at 12:52:08 PM
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We used to have lots of gophers and snakes. Our one acre lawn was like candy to the gophers. Basically the only sure fire way to get rid of them is with a cat. The more cats the better.

Maybe adopt a cat?

<font color=red>God</font color=red> <font color=blue>Bless</font color=blue> <font color=red>America</font color=red>

Reply to dhlucke
lhgpoobaa   10-19-2002 at 01:28:45 PM
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here is an idea... will take planning and cunning. NOT

1. Locate all his hole entrances
2. On each entrance, rig up some low grade touch sensitive explosive.
3. If that doesn't get rid of him... get a new pet... namely a <b></font color=red>FERRET</font color=red></b>


<b>Microsoft is good for you. MS has your best intrests at heart. MS products are easy to use, Reliable, Bug free and Secure. MS says so. What possible reason would they have to lie to you?</b>

Reply to lhgpoobaa
svol   10-19-2002 at 04:43:03 PM
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Hmmm... place a couple of sticks of dynamite in his tunnels and then blow it up all together. It may ruin your garden... but atleast the gopher is gone.

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Reply to svol
WingDing   10-20-2002 at 02:51:04 PM
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Place a ten megaton thermonuclear weapon at the entrance of the tunnel,light the touch fuse and retire 20 metres.

Or send in Wingding. He'll take care of them. And you.

:eek: Wingding - proof of the need for genetic screening :eek:

Reply to WingDing
ksoth   10-20-2002 at 05:16:46 PM
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F*ck I'm dumb... I spent my last thermo-nuke last week taking out some spiders. Sh!t. Well what I ended up doing was this. Found 3 holes. Let water down 1 hole for 10 minutes. Moved to another hole and did same. Went to third hole, shoved hose down, let water go. Went to previous 2 holes and shoved gas bombs down them at same time. Did this yesterday and no new holes appeared overnight, and his expisting ones have yet to be repaired. Maybe I got him...

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<font color=blue> "Trying is the first step towards failure." </font color=blue>

Reply to ksoth
flamethrower205   10-20-2002 at 05:47:22 PM
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I'm gonna laugh so hard when one day ur sleeping and he climbs in or something and scares the hell outta u. One smar gopher, I have respect for him/her.

What if you had admin rights to life?

Reply to flamethrower205
svol   10-20-2002 at 07:14:56 PM
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I bet he couldn't resist that assault.

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Reply to svol
dhlucke   10-20-2002 at 07:19:23 PM
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His family will come looking for you. Don Gopher ain't going out like that...

<font color=red>God</font color=red> <font color=blue>Bless</font color=blue> <font color=red>America</font color=red>

Reply to dhlucke
girlnamedlou   10-20-2002 at 08:41:22 PM
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I've heard used cat litter repels them...or maybe that was moles. But I can sympathize...those damn things can drive a person to drink! It's personal!! Their only reason for living is to piss you off!!

I hope your flood/gas attack works.


<font color=green>What would I do...if it weren't for you? And Pooh said, "True"</font color=green>

Reply to girlnamedlou
flamethrower205   10-20-2002 at 08:50:35 PM
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Argh, I must be the odd one. I sympathize with the gophers. I mean come one, they're fuzzy cute animals.

What if you had admin rights to life?

Reply to flamethrower205
jihiggs   10-20-2002 at 09:01:32 PM
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why not large mouse traps? put them at all the holes you find. if it got too bad i would just get a couple six packs on a full moon night and wait up all night with a buddys shot gun.

how do you shoot the devil in the back? what happens if you miss? -verbal

Reply to jihiggs
ksoth   10-20-2002 at 11:08:57 PM
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And he lives on... damnit...

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<font color=blue> "Trying is the first step towards failure." </font color=blue>

Reply to ksoth
zpyrd   10-20-2002 at 11:15:49 PM
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Its time to go buy a .22 and end his lawn excavating existance.
And then have a lovely Sunday afternoon gopher stew with potatos, carrots, onions and garlic.

<font color=red><i>Doctor Hooter</i></font color=red> <A HREF="http://www.page3.com/" target="_new"><b>(·Y·)</b></A>

Reply to zpyrd
flamethrower205   10-21-2002 at 12:28:48 AM
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Kudos to the gopher! I wanna meet him/her.

What if you had admin rights to life?

Reply to flamethrower205
Crashman   10-21-2002 at 12:32:09 AM
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My Pappy has some old time Gopher Traps. These things have a row of 6-inch spikes mounted on a spring loaded guillotine like aparatus where the legs of the slide poke into the ground on either side of the tunnel. A small lever on the bottom rest on the ground. When the gopher crawls through, he pushes the dirt above him up, tripping the lever, and SNAP! no more gopher!

<font color=blue>You're posting in a forum with class. It may be third class, but it's still class!</font color=blue>

Reply to Crashman
lhgpoobaa   10-21-2002 at 12:52:20 AM
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A most violent and satisfying trap you have there.
I want one to use on my possums!

<b>Microsoft is good for you. MS has your best intrests at heart. MS products are easy to use, Reliable, Bug free and Secure. MS says so. What possible reason would they have to lie to you?</b>

Reply to lhgpoobaa
dhlucke   10-21-2002 at 12:54:15 AM
- 0 +

All the traps, poison, and magic isn't going to get rid of him. Cats are the sure fire way. Maybe even a really good dog. My dog got one once.

My family had a number of cats and the gophers pretty much stayed away until the cats got older and were too tired to hunt them.

<font color=red>God</font color=red> <font color=blue>Bless</font color=blue> <font color=red>America</font color=red>

Reply to dhlucke
ksoth   10-21-2002 at 01:21:48 AM
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Ya I prolly do need to get an outside cat. Had one but he died a couple years ago, and that fool did the best job of keeping gophers away. So now it's off to Home Depot to get those ultrasonic repellents, maybe some more poison, and hopefully that'll work.

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<font color=blue> "Trying is the first step towards failure." </font color=blue>

Reply to ksoth
Crashman   10-21-2002 at 01:22:53 AM
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My Pappy owns two of them, I own none. I dont' know where you find such traps, but my guess would be...a furing and trapping store?

<font color=blue>You're posting in a forum with class. It may be third class, but it's still class!</font color=blue>

Reply to Crashman
lhgpoobaa   10-21-2002 at 03:05:51 AM
- 0 +

We have a possum problem here.
think we are gonna try something nasty!
Poisoned apples!

<b>And if you gaze for long into Toms Hardware Forums, The Forum gazes also into you! :eek: </b>

Reply to lhgpoobaa
dhlucke   10-21-2002 at 03:12:06 AM
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Possum's are nasty. You should just mine the area and be done with it.

<font color=red>God</font color=red> <font color=blue>Bless</font color=blue> <font color=red>America</font color=red>

Reply to dhlucke
Crashman   10-21-2002 at 03:12:12 AM
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Define "problem", ie what do they do that's so offensive?

<font color=blue>You're posting in a forum with class. It may be third class, but it's still class!</font color=blue>

Reply to Crashman
lhgpoobaa   10-21-2002 at 05:26:14 AM
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<b>A.</b> Tapdance on the roof. (Or so it seems)
<b>B.</b> Terrorise the cat.
<b>C.</b> Savage our tree's to fill their stomaches. Or japanese mapels are dying.
<b>D.</b> Have loud arguments at 2 in the morning.

nuff said?

<b>And if you gaze for long into Toms Hardware Forums, The Forum gazes also into you! :eek: </b>

Reply to lhgpoobaa
jihiggs   10-21-2002 at 05:26:30 AM
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have fun with him first, put some habeneros in some food first. hope you dont have neigbor pets, could be a lawsuit if they died and some one knew it was you that put out the poison

how do you shoot the devil in the back? what happens if you miss? -verbal

Reply to jihiggs
girlnamedlou   10-21-2002 at 05:34:48 AM
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I HATE possums!! We had possums come into our house when we lived in Tennessee...god they're just awful looking! Giant furry rats straight out of a horror movie if you ask me. Ugh.

I once asked my hick neighbor to help me kill one. He came over and beat the thing to death with a baseball bat on my front lawn. It was gross...but at least it was <i>done</i>.

ugh...don't like 'em... *shudder*

<font color=green>What would I do...if it weren't for you? And Pooh said, "True"</font color=green>

Reply to girlnamedlou
lhgpoobaa   10-21-2002 at 06:33:37 AM
- 0 +

LOL charming. U have so great neighbours (or did)

<b>And if you gaze for long into Toms Hardware Forums, The Forum gazes also into you! :eek: </b>

Reply to lhgpoobaa
WingDing   10-21-2002 at 10:56:18 AM
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Get a capsule (like the ones used for vitamins or medication) and put some potassium in it. Put the capsule in a chunk of food and leave it near the tunnel.

If the little varmints eat it, the capsule will dissolve and their stomach acids will make contact with the potassium, causing them to explode violently.

Works on crows and seagulls every time, often as they're flying away.

:eek: Wingding - proof of the need for genetic screening :eek:

Reply to WingDing
svol   10-21-2002 at 06:26:01 PM
- 0 +

ROFLOL... that is something else then exploding frogs.

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Reply to svol
svol   10-21-2002 at 06:28:00 PM
- 0 +

My neighbours do the same thing... only their dog does C :wink: .

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Reply to svol
WingDing   10-21-2002 at 06:32:03 PM
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You mean blowing up frogs with a straw? That rules.

Forum Pervert

Reply to WingDing
svol   10-21-2002 at 07:44:27 PM
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I heard about it, never did it myself though... froggs are somewhat hard to find here.

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Reply to svol
WingDing   10-21-2002 at 08:00:58 PM
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It's hilarious.....they swell up because they are not able to expel the air pumped into them....soon they go pop.

And putting salt on snails always cheers me up after a long day.

Forum Pervert

Reply to WingDing
dhlucke   10-21-2002 at 10:40:18 PM
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Um, so, what hospital or prison are you writting us from?

<font color=red>God</font color=red> <font color=blue>Bless</font color=blue> <font color=red>America</font color=red>

Reply to dhlucke
flamethrower205   10-22-2002 at 02:10:47 AM
- 0 +

Woohoo! You do that too? It's sooo funny. hehehe.

What if you had admin rights to life?

Reply to flamethrower205
zpyrd   10-22-2002 at 08:24:31 AM
- 0 +

I don't think its funny.
I like frogs.
Some of my best friends are frogs.

<font color=red><i>Doctor Hooter</i></font color=red> <A HREF="http://www.page3.com/" target="_new"><b>(·Y·)</b></A>

Reply to zpyrd
dhlucke   10-22-2002 at 08:27:06 AM
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Frogs are cool except when they jump on you in the shower or get in your hair in the middle of the night.

<font color=red>God</font color=red> <font color=blue>Bless</font color=blue> <font color=red>America</font color=red>

Reply to dhlucke
zpyrd   10-22-2002 at 08:33:09 AM
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I wouldn't mind them jumping in the shower with me.
No problem with the hair because I give myself buzz cuts.

<font color=red><i>Doctor Hooter</i></font color=red> <A HREF="http://www.page3.com/" target="_new"><b>(·Y·)</b></A>

Reply to zpyrd
WingDing   10-22-2002 at 10:17:36 AM
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I encourage them to jump in the shower with me. First they give me a blow job, then I give them one of my special 'blow jobs'. You should see the look of surprise on their little faces just before they come apart. Guaranteed to cheer you up on a dark, rainy day. :cool:

Forum Pervert

Reply to WingDing
svol   10-22-2002 at 12:20:21 PM
- 0 +

You guys are totally crazy.

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Reply to svol
WingDing   10-22-2002 at 12:24:17 PM
- 0 +

Thank you Granny. :lol:

Forum Pervert

Reply to WingDing
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