Just for Ding...

...some lovely old lady jokes!! hee hee...you thought it was going to be something naughty!! Didn't you??!! Ha!!

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years
they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
"Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long
time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought,
but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend
glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at
her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
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Two elderly women were eating at a restaurant one morning. Ethel
noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you
know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I
have, a suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said,
"Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid
is."
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An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were
standing on the stern of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up
and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't
find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise
that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks
went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir,
sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We
hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it
was a pearl worth $50,000 ...please advise"
The old man faxed back:
"Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap"
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Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night
the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells
to the other sisters, "Was I gettin' in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses. "Was I going up the stairs or
down?"
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening
to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get
that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells, "I'll
come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door. "

<font color=purple>"If you can put fear aside, you're unstoppable."<i>
~J Hagberg</i></font color=purple>

.....mmmmm....old ladies...*wipes cum off computer*....

If I had a face like Britney Spears I wouldn't know which end of me to wipe

Oh yes. I'll take it any way I can.

Remember it's only a crime if you're caught