Why dogs are better than wives...

Okay, so dwellman's computer has obviously hijacked by his wife, and dwellman has a high risk of having his schlonger being starved of sex tonight. [sad]

<font color=orange><b> I guess THG is a drug in it's own way, and potentially harmfull! </b></font color=orange>

Sun fanboy party pooper!

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That reminds me of a joke.
One day, Bob asked a beautiful girl out. Her name was Tammy. He
asked her if she wanted to go to the drive-in movie. She said
"sure". Bob was really excited, so when he got home he told his
Mom and asked her if she could make him a can of beans. Bob was
in so much of a rush that he gulped down the beans, got changed,
had a shower, an hour before he had to go pick her up.

Anyway, he finally left to go pick her up. She got in the car
and away they went. They started watching the movie and Bob all
of a sudden had a terrible cramp and he needed to fart. "[-peep-]!"
he said to himself. "I need to fart but I can't because I'm with
a beautiful girl and, and, oh [-peep-]!"

He thought that he could just wait until the intermission to go
to the washroom. Finally it was intermission and he asked Tammy
if she would like some pop and popcorn. She said sure.

He got to the washroom, opened the door and saw a big line up.
"[-peep-]!" he said. I guess I'll wait until the end of the movie.
He went back to the car and covered his stomach.

Finally, it was the end of the movie. He said to Tammy that
he'll be right back, he has just got to go to the washroom. He
got there, opened the door and there was still a big line up.
"Damn! I guess I'll wait until after I drop her off."

So they're driving home and Bob's intestines are about to
explode. They pulled up in Tammy's driveway and Tammy said, "Oh!
My Grandparents are here, come in and say hello."

Bob thinks to himself, "Damn! I need to fart but I have to go
in." So he said "Okay". They are all sitting down at the dinner
table and Bob is about to explode. He says to himself, "I've
really got to fart so I'll just let a little bit go at a time."
Meanwhile the dog, Duke, is sitting right beside him. "Bllllght!"

Tammy's father said "Duke!" and sat back down.

"Oh my God! They think it's the dog!"

"Bllllght!"

Again Tammy's father stands up and says "Duke!"

Finally, Bob lets it go really big, it's the biggest fart you've
ever heard. "Blllhhhttgggghtttttttbang!"

Tammy's father stands up and shouts "Duke! Get the hell out of
there before he shits on ya!"

<font color=blue>Livin La vida sofa! </font color=blue><font color=red><b><i>Jay Kay</font color=red></b></i>

1) Illegal makes it more kinky and better
2) Means you get to spend more time with the dog
3) They got tits
4) You save on spending tons of money on the kitchen for the wife
5) Refer to 1
6) It's more fun to drive yourself and they don't yell at you when you speed or get lost
7) Refer to 5

All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

Sick freakin' wierdo.

And, no, they have "teats".

Continued:

8) Wife won't chew favorite shoes
9) Wife won't poop on neigbor's lawn (unless she's really cool)

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<b><font color=red>Three great virtues of a programmer are: laziness, impatience, and hubris.</font color=red><b>

I just fail to see any humor in the particular thread.


. . .Yet I post.


I'm going to bed. See ya'll in the morning.

__________________________________________________
<b><font color=red>Three great virtues of a programmer are: laziness, impatience, and hubris.</font color=red><b>

Mr. Flamethrower, you seem to have some serious problems with your digestive system. Perhaps you should consider a vegetarian/vegan diet? I think so.

I know, I had my face rather close to your "slide for cocks" at the time.

<font color=orange><b> If you are honest because honesty is the best policy, then surely your honesty is corrupt </b></font color=orange>

I know that too... that was my way of trying to get you away from there.

I love my Delta 60HP 7000 RPM fan that puts out more dB then CFM

That stench will be nothing compared to the stench of your intestines being flushed in preparation for a good 24/7 session with me and my local sex shop.

<font color=orange><b> If you are honest because honesty is the best policy, then surely your honesty is corrupt </b></font color=orange>

Hearing you say that you farted, is one new thing comin' outta yer mouth you innocent shy virgin... !

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You're Welcome. Here's another one. Lol I'm full of it (pun definitely intended)

Flamey, Dont let this happen to you
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion
for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met
a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would
marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the
marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme
sacrifice and gave up beans.

Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his
birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down.
Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her
that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way
home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked
beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk
he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home.
It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and ordered, and
before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.

All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he
felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed
somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most
wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a
blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the
table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was
beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was
about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again
made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she
went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the
opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was
not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time
breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about
him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came
on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel
engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he
tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would
dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon
winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a
minute later the flowers on the table were dead.

With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells
he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top
of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when
his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if
he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not
peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated
around the table for his surprise birthday party

<font color=blue>Livin La vida sofa! </font color=blue><font color=red><b><i>Jay Kay</font color=red></b></i>

I bow to thee...end of discussion. I hate dogs btw.

<font color=blue>Livin La vida sofa! </font color=blue><font color=red><b><i>Jay Kay</font color=red></b></i>

Heres one for you Jay, unfortunately this is not a joke this is a true story.

My old girlfriends son and I were spending the day together, he was about 8 years old, I asked him where he wanted to go for lunch, and he said McDonalds, so we went to McDonalds and ordered 2 orders of his favorite, Cheeseburger, Large Fries, and a Vanilla Milkshake. We sat down in the dining area and proceeded to consume our lunches, he was cutting up and having a good time, it was a guys day out thing, laughing because he'd let go with an SBD, (Silent but Deadly), and errupted into laughter when the smell got to my nose. All this time we were completely alone in this dining section, when around the corner came two elderly, well dressed, prim and proper Ladies, and sat down three booths away from us, they didn't see my lunch partner, because when he saw them coming, he ducked down in the seat, playing around, after they sat down he sat up and we continued eating. We were sitting on the booth type seats that were actually molded fiberglass, characteristic of almost all McDonalds, when my lunch partner let out a fart so loud, I was shocked and amazed, I had never heard so much sound come from such a small person, it was amplified by the fiberglass McDonalds seats, and it actually echoed and reverberated, he immediately ducked down in the seat, just in time to miss the glaring disaproval, of the two elderly women that had turned around in their seats to see, what vulgar man had done such a thing. I could see their conversation between themselves, talking over how rude and disgusting I was, as the redness came over my face to the point of my ears burning, in my feeble eye gestures to the women, I was trying to send a mental message that it wasn't me, like they would have ever believed, that much sound could come from a little boy, but it did. We had many laughs about it later, but it definitely wasn't funny at the time.

<b><font color=purple>Details, Details, Its all in the Details, If you need help, Don't leave out the Details.</font color=purple></b>

Haha, 2 years ago in 9th grade global class (7th period, I had lunch 5th period iirc) they had served me tacos for lunch, and I of course ate a whole lot- with lotsa beans. By global class time it was just at that point when the gas comes, so I was ripping em one after the other, and the smell was horrible. My global teacher, who's really cool (she'll stand and even joke about a lot of stuff) just pretended nothing was happening, tho me and my friends in the corner were dying laughing. Finally the smell got so intense we turned the fan on to blow it into the other side of the room. After like 5 minutes of it she kicked me out of the room hahaha.

All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

Flamethrower's sexual prospects: slim to none, and dwindling.

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<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange>

ROFLMAO!

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<font color=blue>GOD</font color=blue> <font color=red>BLESS</font color=red> <font color=blue>AMERICA</font color=blue>

Then why'd you describe it as "My 1999 Honda Odessey"?

Right <A HREF="http://forumz.tomshardware.com/modules.php?name=Forums&file=faq¬found=1&code=1" target="_new">here</A>

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<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange><P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1><EM>Edited by Auburn9698 on 07/13/03 01:08 AM.</EM></FONT></P>

Very good. Your parents can talk about the vehicle as "My car". You can talk about it as "My <b>parents'</b> car". A car is yours when you've earned it or at least been given it.

Ex: I have earned my current 'Stang GT, as well as my previous '67 Stang coupe, so they were mine.

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<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange><P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1><EM>Edited by Auburn9698 on 07/13/03 01:22 AM.</EM></FONT></P>

Yes, that extra word differentiates you from a uber dork and a guy who rides in his parents minivan.

Granted we used to borrow my buddies parent's minivan to go egging. Nonetheless, noticed how it wasn't his? It was his parent's.

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<font color=blue>GOD</font color=blue> <font color=red>BLESS</font color=red> <font color=blue>AMERICA</font color=blue>

Yeah, I frequently expect too much. What can I say.

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<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange>

'Bout time.

But I had to get those last 3 in.

__________________________________________________
<b><font color=red>Three great virtues of a programmer are: laziness, impatience, and hubris.</font color=red><b>

Are you going to buy the honda yourself or will your parent get you one? Anyways you're one lucky guy! Oh btw isnt the speedster available there in the us?

<font color=blue>Livin La vida sofa! </font color=blue><font color=red><b><i>Jay Kay</font color=red></b></i>

Haven't found the speedster to be available in the US. There is a possibility I'll be paying fully for the Honda, and certainly I'll pay for part of it. Now I need to do something about my mom's beleif that the way I drive in racing games and my bike is how I drive in real life, hmm..

All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.