Funniest Joke

Funniest Joke you have ever heard/told.

(Don't look at me I don't know any,that's why I posted this hee hee!)

Why did the grasshopper cross the road?

Because he was stapled to the chicken.

<font color=red>Yeah, I took a crap on your lawn. Whatcha gonna do about it?</font color=red>

Mistaken Identity

Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and
kept pretty much to himself.
One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who sank it.
Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out
of
touch all that day and most of the evening.
Unknown to him, his brother John's wife died suddenly.
When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the
grocery.
A kind old woman there mistook him for John and said: "I'm so sorry
for your loss.
You must feel terrible." Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat
said:
"Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old
thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she
smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water.
She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too.
Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I
guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four
guys
looking
for a good time.
I warned them that she wasn't very good and smelled bad.
But they wanted her anyway. The damn fools tried to get in her all at one
time and she split right up the middle......."
The old woman fainted.



<font color=blue>Smoke me a Kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!</font color=blue>

Whats wrong with the Other jokes thread?


<font color=red><i>Tomorrow I will live, the fool does say
today itself's too late; the wise lived yesterday

ok, maybe it is not funny but I'll try!

Once upon a time a little Billy boy had a bet with his friends that he will have sex with his teacher.
At the end of the school day every kid left and only Billy stayed. his teacher asked him why he doesn't go home and Billy said:"My parents died, my house is sold - I don't have any place to go". Billy's teacher felt so bad about it and asked if he will come with her, to her house. Billy said:"Yes".
When it was time to go bed Billy said:"My mommy always let me sleep with her" teacher:"Well, OK, Billy, you can sleep with me"
After a while Billy said:"my Mommy always let me touch her belly botton with my fingers" teacher replied:"ok, Billy, you can do that"
In a while
Teacher:"BILLY THIS IS NOT MY BELLY BOTTON!!!"
Billy:"And this is not my finger..."

What do Amd/Intell flamers use for contraception?
Thier Personalities!

out of ideas, back soon !

All of these, but especially the one about erotic vs kinky.



A Bunch of Short Jokes

Q. Why do men take showers instead of baths?
A. Pissing in the bath is disgusting.

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.

Q. What do you call a Serbian prostitute?
A. Sloberdown Mycockyoubitch.

Q. Why do women call it PMS?
A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q. How can you tell the porno star at the gas station?
A. Just as the gas starts up the hose, he pulls out the nozzle and sprays the gas all over the car.

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.

Q. What did the lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?
A. They're right! We do taste like chicken!

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. What are YOU shaking for? She's going to eat ME!

Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: When you lay a brick, it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A: The swallow.

Q. What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole chicken.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q: Why don't men fake orgasm?
A: Cos no man would pull those faces on purpose.

Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for ?
A. Its Braille for "suck here".

Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds ?
A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.

Q. Why do women have tits ?
A. So men will talk to them.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratch.



<font color=blue>Smoke me a Kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!</font color=blue>

How did you feel about this course. . . .

This was taken from MIT's Course Evaluation Guide, Fall, 1991 The Best and Worst Comments Received:

"Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."
"He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high."
"In class, the syllabus is more important than you are."
"Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up!"
"Text makes a satisfying 'thud' when dropped on the floor."
"The class is worthwhile because I need it for the degree."
"His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame"
"Textbook is confusing...someone with a knowledge of English should proofread it."
"Have you ever fallen asleep in class and awoke in another? That's the way I felt all term."
"This class was a religious experience for me...I had to take it all on faith."
"The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries
to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him."
"Problems sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam material."
"Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing--It's a great stress reliever."
"He is one of the best teachers I have had...He is well-organized, presents good lectures, and creates interest in the subject. I hope my comments don't hurt his chances of getting tenure."
"I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels. They've got a cool nest in the tree."
"The absolute value of the TA was less than epsilon."
"TA steadily improved throughout the course...I think he started drinking
and it really loosened him up."
"Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose--spraying in all directions--no way to stop it."
"I never bought the text. My $60 was better spent on the Led Zeppelin tapes that I used while doing the problem sets"
"What's the quality of the text? 'Text is printed on high quality paper.'
"The course was very thorough. What wasn't covered in class was covered on the final exam."

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<font color=red>Yeah, I took a crap on your lawn. Whatcha gonna do about it?</font color=red>

Dude, that's one hell of a rant.......

ROFLMAO!! I couldn't figure out the one before my post, so I decided to counter with the Diablo2 license agreement. It seemed logical at the time.

<font color=red>Yeah, I took a crap on your lawn. Whatcha gonna do about it?</font color=red>

it is a funny post about cats, turning them into a computer program system.

theyre accusing,lk alwyz wo knwng wht s jst fctn& wht s the truth.

That's no movie. That was me on Judge Judy.

------------------------------
My Athlon can beat your Ferrari off the line.

No, no guillotine. I didn't get off that easy.

------------------------------
My Athlon can beat your Ferrari off the line.