How to give cats and dogs pills

How to Give a Cat a Pill:

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

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How To Give A Dog A Pill
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.

While that's amusing I used to disolve the pills in water and got a liquid syringe for giving pets liquid medication. Shot the diluted pill into the cats mouth.

ROFL next time put pill in cat treat. cat will eat it. Will save you lots of money. Or you could have given the cat some wiskey.

I have a demon cat right now. I don't think I could get a pill in his mouth unless I beat him up first.

I haven't slept right in 18 days because of that Devil cat....it cries every night and wakes me up several times. Even with earplugs I still hear him. He's getting louder as he gets bigger.

We use cheese.



Yea cheese and cream cheese works great...

He thinks that you're his bitch right now. You have to show him who's boss.


Put a piece of duct tape on his back and let the fun ensue!!!

A German Shepherd maybe?

I use peanut butter...you get the added entertainment of watching them lick the roof of their mouth for a while, too...

aww, does wusy need deworming?

LMAO

I got through nearly the same frigin routine with my dog and her heartworm medicine every month.

Nice one. ;-)

Similarly, I would say, "Matty ... medicine cookie". He would walk up, sit, look up and open his mouth. I'd place a pill in the back of his mouth and give him a treat to swallow with. He was great with medicine. Now getting women's panties away from him could cost you part of your hand ... but hey, I'm the same way 8O

ROFL

That was great!

Some of it reminded me of my own cat, Missy.

Lynda and I tried to give her a bath but we were laughing so hard we could hardly wash her.

She had spread herself out and grabbed the door facing and as fast as Lynda could get one paw off she had it back on we probably spent 5 minutes just trying to get her into the bathroom.

Then the same thing happened with the shower rod and towel bar inside the bathroom, we were laughing so hard we couldn't get anything done.

We didn't know the cat could stretch so far!

ROFL Your leg was the only thing he could get a grip on, good thing it wasn't your short leg!

Besides: who gives a pill for de-worming? Ivermectin paste. Good for all God's critters.

Well I'm not getting any action right now so I figure sleep is good.

I haven't been boasting about any pussy, especially since my pussy is male. I just took him for a shot....little bastard cried the whole way. I figure if he doesn't let me sleep tonight I'm going to do terrible things.... 8O

Forget the pills.

1. Get catnip.

2. Give to cat

3. Get a helium balloon.

4. Tie it to cat's tail.

5. Get beer from fridge, watch, enjoy!

AYYYY, you took my advice and finally changed your avatar, kinda odd, but looks good.

Why the heck do you have a cat in the first place if you hate them so much, dh?

in some places it is legal to shoot cats