Which Part of Your Body Goes to Heaven First?

25 ways to tell if you have grown up1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.



2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.



3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.



4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.



5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.



6. You watch the Weather Channel.



7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."



8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.



9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."


10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door

won't turn down the stereo.



11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.



12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.



13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.



14. You feed your dog !


Science
Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of
one.

18. Eating a basket of
chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset,
rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the

drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and
pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to
drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them
instead of asking "Oh shit what the hell happened?"
Bonus:

26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that
doesn't apply to you and can't find one to




save your sorry old ass. Then you
forward it to a bunch of old friends 'cause you know they'll enjoy it & do.

You're not a Kid any more when...

Your sh[b][/b]it smells like your dad's.

I'm definitely still a kid.

Someone to do my dishes?

This is true of either sex.

Well, I believe that a cause is more imparative to the male identity than the female. We all want to be recognized and remembered-- that is basal to all mankind.

This all revolves around a current hypothesis of mine, which supposes the major problem with our society is an apparent male identy crisis and what I suppose the symptoms are: crime, broken homes, overt permissiveness, ect.

Cripes a Mighty! Can't you guys find something focking serious to talk about!

Like an American Idol discussion?

A woman goes into the doctor's office...

"I'm getting married tomorrow and I've never been alone with a man
before, can I ask you a few questions?"

"Sure." says the doc.

"What's that thing that hangs off the front of my man?"

"Well, that's the penis, you really don't know much do you?", replies the doc.

"Oh" she says, "What's the big round thing at the end of his penis?"

"That's not there just to keep your hand from sliding off, that's the head,
the main gland of the penis."

"Oooh." she says. "Well what are those 2 big round things 12 inches behind
the head of the penis?"

"I don't know about your boyfriend, but on me it's the cheeks of my ass!"