Found this a few years ago

Archived from groups: alt.games.mame (More info?)

hilarious!!!

"belfry" <belfry@insightbb.zzzreplacezzzwithcom> wrote in message
news:k6MSe.86324$084.14216@attbi_s22...
>I found this post over at rec.arcade.games.collecting:
>
>
> You can have my girlfriend for an upright Cliff Hanger. Actually, I'll
> take any game in working condition: Tron, Discs of Tron, Qix, Scramble
> doesn't matter.
>
> Some info about my girlfriend:
>
> Marquee - Header/Marquee is in a 9 condition. You'll have trouble
> finding anybody prettier, but with this 9 face comes extreme vanity.
> Seems to think she's on some kind of pedestal.
>
> Cabinet - Her body is a solid 8. Had a child, but got right back in
> shape. A few nicks and scratches - nothing a little wood putty and
> white paint wouldn't fix right up.
>
> CPU/Brain - High Maintenance - you better have the money to take her
> out to dinner twice a week or she starts feeling like you're not
> putting enough into the relationship.
>
> Daughter Board - This model has an 8 year old "Daughter" card with
> attitude. No way you're going to take the place of her daddy, don't
> even try. Don't even be nice, don't even offer to be friends because
> you ain't nobody but somebody trying to take her time from her mother.
>
> Wiring Harness - This model is wired all f***in weird. I can't seem to
> figure out the pinouts. One day she gets mad at you for not saving
> enough money, the next she's mad at you for not taking her out enough.
> It's like, you can't win. You may need to just scrap the wiring and
> build your own harness.
>
> Coin Mechs - WORKING!!!! Be prepared to spend money like crazy to play
> this game, but just don't expect any appreciation for the money you
> put into it. The other thing is, this girlfriend does not work without
> putting money into her first - just like a real video game eh? This
> one cannot be set to "free play."
>
> Coin Locks - WORKING!!! Unfortunately, I have no key. The money you
> put into this machine will be stuck in the machine forever. Don't try
> to get it back or you'll end up being the "Selfish One." Re-keying the
> locks will probably cause this machine to BREAK!!!
>
> Rear Access Door - NOT WORKING!!!. No locks, no keys. The only person
> that was able to get into the rear access door was her ex-boyfriend,
> but apparently that was too painful and so she locked the panel and
> never opened it again. Sorry guys - no fix for this.
>
> Controls - Not working either. Sorry, you cannot control this machine
> or tell her what to do. If you even ask for dinner, you'll be "trying
> to control her life" and will promptly be kicked to the curb. Maybe
> shoving a new "Happ" controller up her ass will help.
>
> SOUND - WORKING!!! Expect to hear loud stories about the people at
> work who bug her and how her boss is "out to get her" because she's
> pretty and they're all jealous. Sound out cannot be adjusted
> unfortunately and there is no "silent" mode.
>
> Control Panel Overlay: "EXCELLENT" new REPRO overlay. She took out the
> old overlay and replaced them with 2 new silcone D-Cup overlays.
> Overlay looks great and "original." No stiffness or "Too Perky"
> overlay here, looks original.
>
> If you have anything to trade for her, I'll take her. Let's get that
> non-working Frogger that's rotting in your back yard out of your
> backyard and into my home. You'll have a nice fixer-upper girlfriend
> that you can take with you to all the "arcade conventions." Actually,
> sorry, this girlfriend doesn't attend "arcade conventions" because
> like I said, it has to be all about HER!!!
>
> All offers will be considered!!!
>
>
>
>
> --
> Computers never make misteaks; my spell-chequer told me sew!
> Dyslexics of America, Untie!
> I souport publik edekasion.
> Bring back Lawn Darts & Incredible Edibles!
>
>

Archived from groups: alt.games.mame (More info?)

belfry wrote:

Funny post deleted

hahaha.. This was a funny post.


--
MCR
MAME(tm) - History In The Making
www.pleasure-dome.org.uk