The 28 Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss's car.

(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

(e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!

b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

THANK YOU FOR MAKING THAT SO LARGE. MY COLLEGUES WERE HAVING A VERY HARD TIME READING ANYTHING ON MY COMPUTER SCREEN FROM ACROSS THE OFFICE. THEY REALLY ENJOYED THAT.

THAT'S THE POINT

Focking oath! That's for real.

WW, why is my face melting? [/special bus material]

WHY NOT BROWN?.. WELL LIKE DAVE CHAPELLE SAYS

p.s CHEEzball Your Hott! And Canadian(double Bonus)

I must be less of a man than I thought. I have no regard for #5 what so ever. Good to see their mum's don't count.

That thing come with a pull start?

Over an 1/8 of a mile maybe...After that yer' just a spec in my rearview...I've gotten her up over 100 mph and still had half the pedal left

That "Plum Crazy" Challenger is one of my dream rides...One car I've allways wanted yet never owned

I think that fooker's worth about $30,000 in top condition...

Man, I'd like to have my 66 GTO back!!!! 389 tri-power with a rock crusher 4 speed!!!! Those were the days for sure!!!! Racing all night long, chewing up about anything that came to the line against it!!!!

Fastest car I ever bought, right off the show room floor!!!

I was never impress with Dodge back in the day.... They had one real big flaw shared with Mustang & Camaro, leaf springs!!!! They would wheel hop like a biatch!!!!!

GTO had coil springs & set up right, you could hole shot it with your hands off the wheel.... I ran separate lines to the air shocks.... 14 pounds in the right & 10 pounds in the left..... A set of 10" wrinks on it & you could run with the big boys.....

A friend of mine was running a 440 six pack at the time I had my GTO... He never beat me & wanted to so bad he could taste it...... Not only did the leaf springs give him a fit, but those 440s were dual point ignition...... Man you could not get both sets of points set right.... I spent hours under his hood with a timing light working on that thing.... GTO had a little window on the side that you would stick a allan wrench in... Hook up the dwell tack & dial the points in perfect......

I miss those racing days with a passion!!!!

Actually, as speeds got higher, I should pull away with a drag co. of only .29.
I'm guessing that things in the mid-forties. Don't be fooled by half a pedal
left thing, It dosn't mean she'll do 200.

I've hit and indicated 126 so far, but speedo's get more and more optimistic
the faster you go, so who knows. 8)

But, as my grand pa-pa always said, you can make an anvil fly if you strap
a big enough engine to it...

I hear you on the big blocks.... I was never a fan of them, myself.... A guy I ran with had a W30 455 Olds.... That thing was scattering all the time.... I helped him put 3 blocks in it until he let it go.... 454 Chevy's I felt were about the same.... My GTO with the 389 was the biggest block I ever ran.....

The most bullet proof Chevy block was the 300 horse 350.... It has the 4 bolt mains & will take it.... They are still prized blocks.... A friend of mine has about 6 of them sitting in his garage.... He used to use them in his stock cars he ran at the local track.... Now I believe he puts them in sand rails.... They will get it on in the dunes with paddle wheels!!!!!!

Bah!! those 350 Chebys Needed those 4 bolt mains to keep from ripping the flange right out of that crap casted block.

Ya ever bust a Grade 8 bolt in a cheby block?...Nope You'll strip the block first.

That reminds me of a story....

I'd slept out in a little town one night & had about a 30 mile drive to work... It's a 4 lane divided road & it's about 5 am.... I've got the Goat warmed up & I'm listening to her purr.....

I see in the mirror that a 440 is pulling up on me at a pretty good clip.... I wasn't looking to race that early, because I was heading into work & didn't want to be late.... 440 pulls up beside me & paces me..... Then he kicked it up 10 MPH.... So I kicked her up 10 & another 10 myself..... We were playing that game & my speedometer was long buried.... I figured I had him because I had a whole lot of pedal & was just biding my time until he topped out......

All of a sudden a State trooper exploded into view & he nailed the brakes!!!!! I looked over at the guy in the 440.... He looked over at me & we punched it...... I still remember him walking away from me because I topped out first......

Never saw the cop or a light..... We were probably 6 8 miles down the road before he even got turned around!!!!

Or the Hemi... Stock: 425 horsepower...

The engine was made for nascar, plain and simple... And banned from Nascar because it was too good...

Ok another recieved by e-mail list

You find out interesting things when you have sons, like:

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid…

YES!!!

According to here:

302 cubic inch = 4.948 893 349 liter

Even with creative rounding, that doesn't hold true... Stupid Ford...

If the 8 makes the 4 a 5, then it's 4.95. If you want to round to one decimal, then it is 4.9.

Well, 4.94 does round to 5, but not 5.0.

Ford math blows... Like the cars... Ford is at the bottom of my list...

Man, I wish I had my Playboy with me... Taking these #'s from memory, but the Ford Mustang has 65% of it's parts from the US or Canada, the Toyota mini-van was 90% or so...

It's OK, as is the RX8... So let's see if I got them all...
Ford
Lincoln
Mercury
Mazda
Subaru
Jaguar
Volvo
Land Rover
Aston Martin

Of all those companys, here's the cars that I would consider owning if they were given to me...

Mazda RX8
Ford F150
Lincoln LS
Subaru WRX STI
Mustang GT
Ford GT (yeah, right)...

So if they were given to me, I'd take less cars than they have car companies... The only one's I would consider spending any of my money on would be a Mazda or the Subaru or Mustang, but there are so many better alternatives that I wouldn't spend the money on them...

I'm talking new FoMoCo vehicles... If I'm spending Jag money, I feel there's much better vehicles out there...

I could have a fully-loaded Corvette Z06 for less than the Jag XK Convertable... And I feel the Vette would be MUCH more fun to drive...

Or maybe a new Dodge Hemi-Challenger AND a new Jeep Wrangler Rubicon? Yeah, tough choice there...

Nice car, to bad the V6 is a Ford motor, and a shitty one at that. A reworked
dud from the mid 90's Contour. A great chassis though. The Turbo Speed
is nice, but after the AWD is added the car's just to darn heavy to be fun.