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The perfect wife

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Multiplectic   08-31-2006 at 02:40:33 AM

Quote :

The guide for a woman to be the perfect wife:

- Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

- Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

- Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

- Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

- During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

- Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

- Be happy to see him.

- Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

- Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

- Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.

- Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

- Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

- Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

- Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

- A good wife always knows her place.



Source: Unidentified blog ... :(

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zpyrd   08-31-2006 at 04:09:31 AM
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The perfect wife does not exist. It's an urban myth.

Reply to zpyrd
Multiplectic   08-31-2006 at 04:18:10 AM
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We can always dream... We can always dream...

Reply to Multiplectic
fishmahn   08-31-2006 at 04:26:16 AM
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Pulled the same list, on a beat-up old glossy pamphlet, out of my mother-in-law's cedar chest, when we cleaned out her house.

Very old.

Mike.

Reply to fishmahn
BomberBill   08-31-2006 at 04:50:31 AM
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Where'd you get this tripe, the Koran, some Christian fundamenalist's web page?

The notion of perfection; its so ludicrous when one sits quietly and thinks about it. [/Pike talking with Lofty naked on his garage roof after 6 buckets each].

But seriously--and I know this to be a jocular gag thread--but this constant striving by people to conform to some perceived notions on what perfection means via the rose coloured fashion glasses of Hollywood superstars and arsehole French and Italian designers; its all so very, very false and materialistic. Its the post-modern dogma of the over zealous consumer and not dissimilar to other "fundamentalist" perspectives around the world, whether they be religious or otherwise.

We could go on...and on...and on...with this contextual discussion.

To me, if the sheila works, is good-natured, digs a party or two, is kind and intellectually intelligent then she's all good! If she's willing to share with me life's chores and its fun times then I say we go Dutch on it all and lead lives that are fulfilling and balanced...for both of us. :wink: :)

Reply to BomberBill
Multiplectic   08-31-2006 at 05:02:59 AM
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I got it from some guy's blog, and he got it from... who knows.

"Perfection" (per se) doesn't exist. It's just a subjective notion. So, the "perfect" wife doesn't exist either.
It all comes down to your preferences. Is that simple.

But, there are some things listed above that do apply in the real life. :wink:

Reply to Multiplectic
JustPlainJef   08-31-2006 at 11:11:14 AM
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Quote :

But, there are some things listed above that do apply in the real life. :wink:


Quote :

- Be happy to see him.

- Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

- Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

- Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.

- Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

I would say that the parts above (not in yellow) should apply to both him and her... Most of this is hogwash... You could approach some of this if there were no young children and she wasn't working, but that would be about it...

Reply to JustPlainJef
Tom_Smart   08-31-2006 at 11:29:36 AM
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How many times do I have to repeat myself on this? The perfect wife/woman is around waist high, has a round mouth, a flat head for resting a pint on and turns into a chicken vindaloo at closing time.

Reply to Tom_Smart
BigMac   08-31-2006 at 01:41:06 PM
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Quote :

and turns into a chicken vindaloo at closing time.



You mean the perfect wife is a consumable?

Reply to BigMac
AilingBlackLab   08-31-2006 at 04:40:03 PM
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I prefer the Legs open mouth shut approach my self. :?

Reply to AilingBlackLab
Tom_Smart   08-31-2006 at 05:33:09 PM
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Yes, women are just like curries. They're all good but you never know which one your going to be in the mood for. Like a vindaloo, I like mine hot.

Reply to Tom_Smart
BomberBill   09-01-2006 at 01:22:16 AM
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Quote :

How many times do I have to repeat myself on this? The perfect wife/woman is around waist high, has a round mouth, a flat head for resting a pint on and turns into a chicken vindaloo at closing time.



:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

Jesus! You know, I am at work when I just re-read that (I do remember) and could not help but let out a boisterous laugh full of gusto and good cheer! Several colleagues, all interested to know what could drive Bomber to such hysterics, asked for the gag and its context so I told them.

Quite naturally, the lads loved it and the broads mocked me for laughing at such a thing but jeez its funny. Vivian, the saucy little number with the big knockers, seemed to enjoy it as a gag; might source her for a tube or two after work, I reckon.

Reply to BomberBill
WingDing   09-01-2006 at 08:47:09 AM
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What, a fallopian tube?

Reply to WingDing
AilingBlackLab   09-01-2006 at 01:42:19 PM
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Quote :

What, a fallopian tube?



Uh oh Wingy's collecting female body parts again.
Trying to construct a new Mrs. Wingy to replace the credit card wielding model you have now? [/Un-provoked attack]

Reply to AilingBlackLab
WingDing   09-01-2006 at 02:24:25 PM
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Hard to improve on my missus I'm afraid. Ever seen her photo?

Reply to WingDing
JustPlainJef   09-01-2006 at 02:56:55 PM
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Before or after you coated her in a protective coccoon of man muck?

Reply to JustPlainJef
WingDing   09-01-2006 at 03:05:19 PM
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It's always before. There's no such thing as afterwards with her...

...*cries*...

Reply to WingDing
JustPlainJef   09-01-2006 at 03:11:40 PM
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I think we are on to something here...

Maybe this is why you unleash your monstrous trouser snake on everyone else...

Reply to JustPlainJef
WingDing   09-01-2006 at 03:26:03 PM
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Now there's an idea... :twisted:

...*masturbates vigorously*...

Reply to WingDing
JustPlainJef   09-01-2006 at 05:03:59 PM
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I had a feeling that would happen...

:(

Reply to JustPlainJef
WingDing   09-01-2006 at 05:13:40 PM
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...mmm...awww yeah.....ohhhh....ahhhh.....

Reply to WingDing
Anoobis   09-01-2006 at 10:30:43 PM
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Behave yourself man....there's farm animals present.

That perfect woman mumbo jumbo posted earlier seems like it belongs back in the 50s.

Reply to Anoobis
WingDing   09-01-2006 at 10:43:35 PM
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......farm animals?......

AW GAWD I'M GONNA CUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*.....*squirt*..

Reply to WingDing
Anoobis   09-01-2006 at 11:43:47 PM
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Summa.

I forgot about rule #3.

Reply to Anoobis
turpit   09-03-2006 at 10:11:27 AM
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What to do after your wife reads that, and you want to play a Console or PC game.


http://video.google.com/videoplay? [...] ipod&hl=en

Reply to turpit
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