Stopping Doorbell Ditching..

My coworker asked me for creative ways to stop the neighborhood kids from doorbell ditching.

Give me some more creative ideas.

They've seen the kids doing it multiple times but the parents claim it isn't their kid doing it.

I already told her to catch the kid, duct tape him up and throw him somewhere outside.
She's considering hiring a kid from the east side to beat the kids up.
Tack on the doorbell.

I said ice the walk over so when they run away they'll fall.. but insurance issues there.

I mentioned a few others.. but I'm sure someone here can get creative.

Works for me.

Next thread!

...*bangs gavel*...

Put a decent voltage on the casing and I'm sure there'll be some evidence to show for it before you know it.

Camera up the front door.. let them carry on and then sue the other parents for the mental distress caused. [/the american way]

Now.. for the more fun option

Keep the cameras so you know who is coming.. when they press the button fire off the two large stage effect maroons you have hidden by the front door. For even more effect have them in a couple of large buckets of water and just scare the crap out of them.. The orange smoke ones give a lovely air of combat to the situation. Add a loud police siren to the mix and a couple of strobe lights and then post it all on youtube

The other idea I just had is to do a deal with the guys in this article..

Rig the doorbell to open a cage full of angry badgers? A chalk outline in the shape of a small human on the front walkway might scare away the timid. Don't forget the blood stains. The bee scene from The Burbs comes to mind as well and tomsmart's parental clarification definitely deserves careful consideration. Really, the opportunities are limitless.

...*enters, ready for duty*...

...*waves enormous chopper around forum*....

Parental clarification round Risers neck of the woods would involve a bunch of the local drunks down at the bar all pulling names from a hat.

Nor was electricity, you old fart.

You're only four years older than me. I look at it this way. Forty is the new thirty, so if I'm thirty next birthday then I must only be twenty nine at the moment. Can't argue with logic like that, numbers don't lie.

i had some neighboors kids do that and i just played along...went to the front, turned the lights on, went out on the porch and looked around...they were hiding in the park just next door in the dark. It`s been a year now it hasn`t happened...quess they don`t wanna play anymore :|

I thought joss sticks were hippie bait. A few of those and a bear trap is all you need for a fun day out at a folk festival.

what`s a `joss stick`?

What the hell kind of Buddhist are you?

Edit...Joss sticks...From Wiki

This article neglects to mention burning while listening to "Dark Side of the Moon"

Wiki stickies.... far out, man.... *inhales deeply*

Q: What has long hair and looks good in red?
A: A hippie on fire!

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the at the next stop.

When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, "I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. "If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and you could command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. At midnight sure enough the nun shows up and begins praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says. "I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, BUT ... first you must have sex with me." The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun.

After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts,"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie!!"

Then the nun jumps up and shouts, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver!!"

subjets of her majesty! btw, what`s going on about that? is she dead yet ?

Are we making dead Queen jokes? No, that's because she's not dead. We are making hippie jokes and laughing at you.

Are we making dead Queen jokes? No, that's because she's not dead. We are making hippie jokes and laughing at you.

Are we making dead Queen jokes? No, that's because she's not dead. We are making hippie jokes and laughing at you.

Are we making dead Queen jokes? No, that's because she's not dead. We are making hippie jokes and laughing at you.

Got it yet?

HEY! These focking bananas dont know shite, Rise.

ABL and Tom are talking about how focking ancient they are and Tom is somehow convinced himself that since porking that Polish tart he's now 29; amazing what a good root can do for an old man, eh.

I'll give it to you focking sweet, mate:

Buy/Hire an attack dog--not a guard dog--an attack dog and have it on a chain that allows it to get to the fence-gate in the front yard.

No more focking around then...by anybody.

Attack dog? Not man enough for the good old tw[i][/i]at the parents approach then I see.

Kids in the street will only bother you or your property if the know they will get away with it. Seriously you can't just go round twating kids, you have to control their parents. A good punching every now and then works wonders. It's their fault for not discipling the kids.

Here are some handy tips for all the parents out there.


How come everyone today is too much of a pussy to smack their kids around? That's what I want to know: why are parents afraid to beat their kids? When I was a kid and I screwed up, my parents beat my ass. We didn't have a conversation about it. I didn't have a "time out." In fact, I've never even once been grounded in my life. What's the point? Send your kid to his room and make him play video games and read comic books all day? Great idea, why don't you take him to a psychiatrist while you're at it so she can pull some disorder out of her ass to hide the fact that you're a bad parent?

Kids today need a good beating every now and then. If you don't beat your kids when they fall out of line, the next thing you know your son will go off and bang some dude in the ass just out of spite. You tell them to clean their room, they say "no," you smack them. It's simple; it works. Don't listen to these assholes on TV with their bullshit hippy psycho babble; if they had it their way, every child would be raised in a pastel coloured room with Philip Glass pumped through the speakers 24 hours a day. Then again, it might not be all that bad because it will make your kids complacent, so it won't be as hard for them to swallow when they realize that they'll be spending the rest of their lives chained to a desk in a cubicle writing reports to make someone else rich.

The problem is that kids today think their opinions matter. By not beating your kids, they get a skewed perspective of reality where they start thinking that they have it rough and that they can get away with dying their hair and listening to Insane Clown Posse. That's where you need to come in and put the law down. To help you, the negligent parent, I've put together a guide to smacking your kids for your convenience (hint: you may want to even print this guide up and hang it on your fridge as a reminder to both you and your kids). Here are some useful techniques:

# 5 across the eyes
Five across the eyes. This is a very basic manoeuvre and usually enough to cover most situations when your child is out of line. Simply put four fingers tightly together and either leave the thumb off to the side or fold it behind the other four fingers. Then smack your kid across the face with the back of your hand. Now this is the tricky part: make sure to snap your wrist just before contact otherwise you won't get a stinging effect. Very important because you don't want to risk letting your kid think you're a pussy.

#
The sucker punch. Just ask the question "hey, what's that on your shirt?" and when they look down, bust their lip. You need to do this every now and then to keep them guessing. Don't ever let them off the hook. Just because they're not doing anything wrong doesn't mean that they didn't do something wrong earlier that you weren't aware of.

#
The yard stick. Or for those of you who don't use the arbitrary American system, this is also known as "the meter stick." This is a good general purpose beating because the stick usually doesn't last beyond three or four good whacks--usually enough to send the message.

#
The one-two shut-the-hell-up. This is priceless when you're shopping and your kid won't shut the hell up: "I'm hungry, I want toys, I need my Insulin..." etc. First smack your kid (the 5 across the eyes technique works). Wait a few seconds for your kid to start crying, then smack your kid again to let him know that you mean business. This usually shuts them up because they see that the amount of crying is proportional to the amount of beatings.

#
The 2 x 4 / PVC pipe. If you do your job as a parent, this should never have to be administered. This is for heavy duty jobs only (ie. any time your kid comes home and begins a sentence with "she might be pregnant..." or "I can _____ if I want to..." where the blank can be any of the following: smoke, have sex, experiment with drugs, watch Oprah, etc). Usually the threat of this beating is enough to keep your kid from screwing up.

#
The Dragon Kick. If you're interested in a permanent solution to your child giving you lip about washing the dishes, cleaning his or her room or filing your tax return, then the Dragon kick might be the technique for you. I guarantee that you will only have to ask once after the Dragon kick has been administered.

#
The skull thump. A quick blow usually dealt to the side or back of the head. Simply flick them in the head with your finger. An alternative is to smack your child up side the head with your palm. Very useful for teaching your child to read when he or she makes a mistake. Hitting your child when he or she is learning builds confidence, or undermines confidence--I can't remember which.

#
The one-handed chauffeur reach around. A quick reach around while you're driving to smack your kid and his friends too if they disrespect. Swerve the car back and forth for the full effect.

#
The cane intercept. If you're too old to chase your kid around the house, use the handle of your cane to trip him if he tries to get away. When he gets up, poke him in the head a few times to let him know who's boss.

There you have it. Use these basic techniques to discipline your child if you want him or her to turn out to be a success story like me. Here's how to tell if you've fulfilled your obligations as a parent:

Remember: never take sh[i][/i]it from your kids. You make payments on the house, utilities, their clothes, school, and their food. You own them. If they don't like it, they can move out. If you love your kids, love them enough to beat them so that they don't grow up to be idiots.

704,603 people don't know the difference between discipline and child abuse.

Gotta' agree with Tom here....
To all Overly liberal,Got my child rearing skills from Womans Day magazine, Pacifast parents...The goal is not to Have to beat your child... Put the fear of God in em' early enough & a quick glance will stop them dead in their tracks. And when your not around you get the quick thought process of what will be the consequences for their actions before they do anything stupid...

When I was a kid All my neighbors (Adult neighbors) had full permission to crack me a shot...Go back to dad & say Mister so and so hit me & I'd get it 10 times worse cause I must have deserved it... So I also knew not to piss off Mister so and so...

Fear of God merely being a vague reference to the "Blue flash of light" one sees if cracked "upside the head" correctly , no religous reference intended

I thought you were going to light another classic Big Mac Amsterdam Fattie.

...*Taste that smooth Dutch sky, baby!*...

Good ole' Mac and the Amsterdam fatties. Gotta love 'em. Crazy kid stuff.

University, circa 1982, Mac at a Dutch campus party pulling Js and the ladies...oh yeah, tell me I'm right; I have a sixth sense for this kind of shite, you know.

Crazy kid Mac: pure brilliance.