keeping your balls clean

[infornography42]

I'm looking for the old IBM article on the proper method for cleaning one's balls. Its an amusing document that (if memory serves) never mentions specifically that it is referring to mouse balls.

Unfortunately I have found searching for this on google to be difficult due to the fact that it has been a very very long time since I last saw it and can't remember many specific words or phrases in it. I want it because I am teaching an IT class and feel like it would be a fun thing to distribute.

If anyone has a copy or a link I would very much appreciate it.

Thanks.

 

[Lord-Ilpolazzo]

wouldnt mind reading that lol sound fun

 

[DarkOne0]

Is this what your talking about?

MEMO

Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls.

If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.

It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.

 

[tmac]

I beg your pardon

 

[FITCamaro]

Old but still great. 8)

 

[HYST3R]

Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.


ROFLMAOBBQ!

 

[sailer]

And what type of tools are needed for removal of mouse balls? Further, is mrs. mouse happy about the removal of mr. mouse's balls?

 

[XndeX]

I found one of the sites that still has it, http://www.neystadt.org/john/humor/IBM-Mouse-Balls.htm

 

[elpresidente2075]

I wonder if the person who wrote that memo actually meant it to sound the way it did.

But he is right: "Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer."

I know I would be pretty unhappy. 8O

 

[yourmothersanastronaut]

Yeah, and any business dealings that customer has would be crippled without properly working balls - balls keep everything working smoothly.

 

[angry_ducky]

I guess that optical mice don't have balls. That must mean that they'll never have children.

This is my favorite part of the article: "Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls."

 

[4745454b]

Hey all. While this is funny, I much prefer the old BOFH stories. Seeing as this is for an IT class, you could release one each week. There are so many of these, that you could do it for an entire semester...

http://members.iinet.net.au/~bofh/

 

[infornography42]

Thats great, I'll use that too, but its not the one I am looking for.

It was about cleaning the balls and it refered to the proper motions and such.

Like I said, it has been a very long time since I have even seen it mentioned. I think the last time I saw it was my first year of college.

 

[more_donuts]

"It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items. "

This is the best part, like the writer wasn't laughing his guts out!

 

[derek2006]

Is this what your talking about?

MEMO

Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls.

If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the[/img] manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.

It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't think a forum every made me laugh that hard!!!

 

[chuckshissle]

Do you kiss your mom with that mouth. 8O

 

[phreejak]

Could you use these about software?:

Wife 2.0
http://www.estimated.com/html/wife_2_0.html

Girlfriend 1.0
http://www.ugoto.com/jokes/39204.html

 

[dougie_boy]

good shi.t.

 

[wettrout]

Thats great, I'll use that too, but its not the one I am looking for.

It was about cleaning the balls and it refered to the proper motions and such.

Like I said, it has been a very long time since I have even seen it mentioned. I think the last time I saw it was my first year of college.

I know which one you are talking about... It talks about turning the mouse over and examining it and rubbing carefully, etc, etc. I haven't been able to find it either but it is even funnier to the ball replacement. If you find it, pleae let me know!

 

[Mousemonkey]

This topic has been closed by Mousemonkey