School night piss-up - midnight just ticked over.

Focking decided to have a lager or two tonight to sweat off the day.

7 later and I feel focking wonderful. Got the tunes pumping. Even put on some New Order in honour of Tom, the Ox of Liverpool.

This is the threshold though: stay and drink more piss and get genuinely bombed; or, head to bed and call it a night.

Because of my focked-up addictive personality, I'm straight back into the fridge for another round -- at least it's Friday tomorrow.

Focking hit the piss hard is what I say. [/Party Bomber]

Hit the decks hard tomorrow. [/Hungover Bomber]

rofl.

OMG!

Mate, we'd be in focking jail within 6 hours of it beginning.

Seriously though, in jail!

But hell yeah Dave, honestly, I reckon it would be a wicked get-together.

The whole crew would be tremendous value. Truly tremendous.

I've wanted that night to happen since I joined this den of horrors.

Fock, Rise. That's hard core mate.

lol

The best things about weddings are the bridesmaids in their, most often, ridiculous peach-coloured frocks. [/80s weddings]

Still nice though.

Every focker gets bombed off their nuts at weddings -- as they should -- and it's always good value.

Fock me.. I'm referred to as the Wedding Dancer now.

I walked up to the the Bridesmaids.. all but one. She was ugly.

"You, you, you. Let's go dance."

I was focked hard core on champagnge, beer, rum, and shots.

As my friend said, "Mike was just trying to get his D wet."

At the Bachelor party, my drunken friend walked up to a Bachelorette party and said, "Hi. I'm over here for my Bachelor party. I'm doing a survey to find out which ones of you my friends and I can buy drinks in the hopes that we get laid."

You know what? It was going well until the girls were sitting on the floor in the bar because they couldn't even stagger or crawl. :?

Met two out Saturday night.

23 years old each of the tarts.

#1: Has 1 kid. Father of the kid is dead. Says she has to smoke up daily to function.

#2: Has 2 kids, 2 different fathers. First father is a loser. Second father is rich. 2 kids = paycheck for her. She's carrying a Prada bag, a 1.5 karot diamond ring, 2 Tiffany's bracelets and a Tiffany's Necklace. Her kids are 5 and 2 1/2.

I call her out on the money she's wearing. "I'm a hairstylist and I bought all this stuff on my own." Nothing like buying a $4,000 ring, $800 bag, 2 $800 bracelets and a $1,200 necklace on a hair dresser's salary as an average salon. I know this as my brother's girlfriend works at the high-end salon in Toledo and still couldn't afford that stuff in such a short time.

The rich father was a paycheck for her.

I was feeling no pain and I started calling her out on it. I told her she got pregnant for the paycheck, she was just looking for another guy to hook up with for another kid, she was looking for money and all this. My buddy was getting concerned cause I was going off on her.

She replied, "Good luck finding someone my age without any kids (23 years old) and that isn't looking for someone with money."

She flat out admitted to me she was looking for someone who could take care of her because she only wanted to be a hairdresser. Hot little body and all and surprisingly, she was blunt about what she wanted.

Unfortunately, I wasn't going to be the fool to touch that.

End of the night she came up and still gave me a hug while her friend was pissed off yelling in the streets at 4am, "I'm going home to smoke up and fu[i][/i]ck myself!" Classy broad that one.

They were both out just looking to hit some poor fool up. My friend at the end of the night said he was concerned about what was going on but then realized what the girls were looking for.

We both could have gotten laid but it wouldn't have been good in the long run.. like 18 years of a run.

I met Techy2000 AKA Titch a year or so back up in York for a night on the piss. Fcuk me he is one funny guy. Never wound up in gaol though. I did have to call him a cab about three in the morning as he was flagging.

...*Inadvertently snorts back on the lager*...



It most certainly would be a "lads" night only.

On the bottom of the invites: "Parters not allowed!"

ROFL!

We'd have to sneak Jef out in the backseat of the hired booze bus, all the while singing gratuitous and bawling beer songs to Mrs Jef on the porch, whilst she waves her broomstick in mock anger.

We'd get him out.

Get the fock in the bus, Jef! Your Missus looks pissed! lol

I love whores. I love those ladies willing to slap all the make-up and shorts skirts on with the boobs compressed up into a V squeeze that just looks divine.

I thank every feminist who's ever lived for promoting women's liberation.

The more women out there with skirts up their clackers, the better, I say.

Mate, you make the shite happen, or shite happens to you.

I really admire you for still trying in Toledo, Mike. Honestly. I mean that.

The place is a focking dry gully for decent broads and yet, still, you head out, drop anchor, and throw a line in the water and have a focking go.

Even downtown Liverpool sees more decent sheilas then what you have to work with there.

Mate, that's why I get involved in sex parties where possible: no commitments and no surprises because every focker knows beforehand that they're booze and drug fueled events that nobody has a problem with after we all return to our little, mundane lives.

I'm showing a 75 year old couple through a over-priced million dollar unit by day; by night I'm looking to get bombed and throw a quick one up some broad's date, all the while slammed off our nuts on whatever we can get our hands on.

People's private lives are forever fascinating.

Mate, there's nothing wrong at all with getting it on with a 21 year old boozehound.

Nothing at all.

I prefer old boilers who are a little more nasty than that though. But hey, each to their own, Chief.

I know you're a decent bloke, Mike. Much more decent than yours truly.

Its hilarious, yet tragic, that you're in Toledo though.

That shite won't last forever though. You'll outgrow that joint, I reckon.

Apart from the poor fock who gets squashed, that read beautifully.




Well done!

Yeah, Yeah! I dig that.

Very snazzy!

Mate, that's a genuine pair of cannisters. For real.

It inspired me to open up another Firefox session and go trawling for porn.

Tom's right: the net is built for it, and it only.

If they took away all the sites on the web there'd be only one left: "www.bringbacktheporn.com"

...*emerges from gents toilet, stuffing dribbling erection into pants*..

Thanks man, I needed that. Those are indeed a fine pair of titticles.

Erm..Urrr...my PM box has no tits in it.

But I can't wait four more hours.

***cries***

Ahm, hang on. In trouble here.

I'm fanatical about a clean in-box and I must have deleted the bugger last night after having a good perv.

Sorry, Digs. She's gone.

Wingy or Rise to shoot it through then.

Good on you, mate. Enjoy a few. I'm back on the sauce and enjoying the hair of the dog and waiting for the league to kick off.

I'd done more by age twenty than you will manage in the next thirty years.

wow clean inbox...

i have like 14 pages of pms in mine.

8O

I believe he is and he does live down South... Yardwork is not their speciality there.

So I PM Jef the picture and he disappears as well. :?

I find a mini-napalming with a Zippo does the trick.

heheh mininapalming, always go with the clippers...

Day late & a dollar short??????