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The new topic button is located in the bottom right corner of the screen. Its been a while without new topics popping up and old dead threads coming back to life.

Where the hell is everyone?

Mary said to Joseph, "Joseph.. you know we have never made love... but last night an Angel visited me and now I'm pregnant..."
Josesph yells, "Jesus Christ!"

/stolen from comedy central last night.

New Topic.....What's that?
My Parrot likes Honeycombs!

zpyrd, wassup bro hows ya been?

Its a true story.

Fixed! /WAY too easy...

Riser has a new someone in his life? How sweet! What's his name? /freudian? or not?

+0.5 comedy

I was in a generous mood after collecting that bastage earlier.

Still, we don't always get what we deserve;

After your wife's latest shopping spree, you deserved a shag. Did you get one?

Dammit to hell, are you guys ever gonna let me off the hook?

...*cries*...

I've been busy and not going out as much.

One has 2 kids and a sex drive like no other.

The other is a member of the nationa "Beautiful People club" but is fairly only and speaks like she's texting. She's the donkey punch kind of gal.

My neighbor wants to hook me up with her younger sister. 25 years old, full time personal trainer, hot. I haven't been around the last 3 months though. I've spent 3 weekends in town in the last 3 months, class Tuesday/Thursday night.

Don't fret though, I'll have stories after this weekend. German American fest where everyone drinks heavily and as long as its not 90+ or raining, it tends to be the bigger water hole gathering of women. I'll get some stories for you.

Did I ever tell you about the time I stopped at the gas station, picked up a 6 pack of Labatt and I picked up the skirt at the pump next to me? Yeah, that was a good story. Up until 2 weeks later her older sister moved into the apartment right across from mine.

Got a rise out of him......

Perhaps I should rephrase my reply so that some can better understand it.

OK...here goes...

...*feigns interest*...

I dig that phrase. I'm not a fan of those who use pigeon English in texts. It cheapens the message, so to speak.

Shite like: "R U goin da get off ya face at the pisser & get onto dolled up skanks in shrt skrts?"

My response: "You can bet your bottom dollar, my friend, that I'll be burying my head up every hoe's happy-zone the moment I've skulled twelve pints and dropped four pills. Please be at the tavern to kick the festivities off no later than 9pm. Regards, your mate, Brett."

It takes me a while longer -- and costs more -- to text that, but I suspect the lads appreciate the full force of my words more when I do so.

You've set the tempo there, M, so the lads and I will expect every sordid detail come Monday. Talk about pressure!

That joint you live in is a regular Melrose Place.

Now, now. Skanks are ladies too; just a trifle promiscuous, is all. May the Hindu Gods bless each and every one of them!

A few months back I got more action than I expected (or wanted) this year.

Come back next year again.

The jealousy quickly mounts, this ex of yours, think of her as an ex human, you're MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fixed.

+5 "Fixed" points.

+10 Retard points for both of you.

More seriously, so long as #3 is genuine, then #2 and #4 would not matter as much.

Having a hot waitress that lives with mom and dad would not be so bad if she was going to school to become something other than an actress....

Although I here there are many positions opening up now that Jenna has retired.... Or would that be more like opening positions rather than positions opening.....

How about the chick simply jives with you? When you do meet the said type, the other sh*t falls off the chart. All that matters is she's the ying to your yang, and pulls it often. Except the fat part, I agree with that, she can't be fat. Or tattoo's. No ink. A sign of deeper issues that'll crop up sooner or later.

*edit to to off. Stella in hand.

Was out with the ex last night.. She calls me up about 8pm last night wanting someone to talk with and get a drink with.

Conveniently, she pops into the bar closest to my house. Obvious.

She decided she was breaking up with her boyfriend and wanted to tell me. We didn't talk much on it because that appeal is gone with her being single.

Someone else caught my eye.. about a year ago I hanging out with the guys and a gal I had been casually commenting back and forth with as she walked by offered to buy me a beer. That's unheard of around these parts. I've seen her out here and there but she and a couple friends came in.

I told the ex I was sticking around.. she paid the tab and left. That's how I roll. nah, I paid her tab of shots and all on Friday night.

I'll be meeting up with the new on Wednesday night.. She lives down the road from me and is in school for occupational therapy, another trendy degree like nursing but something a bit more interesting.


I had to remind the ex to wash off Budweiser Select tattoo on her right a.ss cheek since she was too drunk remembering she was pulling her pants down letting people stick sticker tats on her.

Orange roofie. Great shot. 99 oranges, OJ and I think something else. 50% alcohol, gets'em drunk and tastes great.

I fit those criteria!!!