…to be won at boardwalks, county fairs, and carnivals everywhere.

Some specs:
4 TB L2 cache
82,000 cores
87 GHz clock speed
UNIVAC ATXXXXL motherboard design
Socket LGA 775,000
10,875 Watt power consumption
65 cm process
Inflatable Latex construction

I couldn’t resist. God bless The Onion, America’s Finest News Source!

wow i would love to have a real working cpu that big, i wonder how much it would cost to have intel make it for me? and to have asus make a board to support it...

87ghz at a 65cm process it would be running as hot as the sun. You would have to add an ocean to the water cooling loop.

I forgot to mention the stock cooler is connected to the hidden Intel Lake in Washington state. The goal is to boil the lake's water into steam to turn turbines, thus providing electricity to the entire city of Seattle.

Na, performance is too weak. I'll wait for something better.

The important thing is...does it overclock well. I guess you'd need a sh*tload of AS5 and apply it with a trowel...like putting on drywall compound.

The chip can be overclocked over 100 GHz, though it requires the adjustment of motherboard jumpers the size of circuit breaker switches.

The thing i don't like about it is that i can't sneak it into the house, under my coat(past my wife)....then install it in the wee hours as she's sleeping....as i usually do.