Mine are 10, 14 and 17. At the moment it's the 14 yearold that is trying to rule the family, without understand what she's doing or that anything is wrong with her ways. Some times i just can't beleive what's going on. It's like her reality isn't the same as the rest of the familie's.

For close to a month now she's been having 4, 5 and even 6 friends in the house at night in the basement to what movies, chat and fool around. I have connected 3 systems there. So that's a lot of in and out(it was -17c here yesterday) and doorbells and phone calls and such. So the other night they all go onto the front balcony because 2 or 3 of them have to have their smooke and my youngest daughter happens to see one of them put out his cigaret on the brick wall just beside the front door and tells mom about it. So when my 14 yearold comes back in with her friends mom tells her it's not nice to do that and to stop. My daughter then tells her mom that it's impolite to say that without saying please. at least my wife didn't loose her cool at that and just replied that it was because it was really not a nice thing to do putting the cigaret out like that plus they have been throwing the butts onto the front lawn.

So that's just to give you an idea about how things are and there are lots of situations similar to that when it's with me also. I often let go of what i was doing to go drive one of her friends home because he/she has no ride. If i say no it's often a big thing and i.m a bad person. Like i said it's as if she can only see her side of things. It's really difficult and these are only minor examples. She's was suspended from shool for having been caught selling drugs and has been definatly suspended 2 weeks ago for having missed 120 classes since september. She's been given assigments untill her case is evaluated in january.

So you could say it hasn't been boring lately.

dear god man, tie her up to the bed, have her exorcised and then lock her up till she is at least 25.

seriously, i think you need to keep her away from her group and get her some new friends. no matter how bad a person you may seem, you need to be her father and protect her from these influences.

of course i don't have kids and have no idea what i am talking about but it wasn't that long ago i was that age(is a decade a long time?) and i still remember that time, vaguely. Not that i was rebellious but people my age were and they need control.

I stink at being firm and authoritive. It'll have to be some other way. We're all going to the psychologist this wendnesday. Now that is going to be fun isn't it?

well, i'm not sure, what to do. you need to stop people smoking around your daughter for one thing and make sure no drinking is going on and stop any drug use, it won't be long till someone knocks her up.

do you have her enrolled in any activities, i believe i have said this before but if you can keep her active and disciplined it might help.

Yes you said martial arts i beleive, and she is in ringuette which is a type of girls hockey but with a stait end stick and a rubber ring instead of a puck. It's on ice with skates. But that's just 2 a week, 3 at most, so maybe another activity would help.

you could go along with her and get to fight her in a formal supervised manner, you could use it as a means of communicating and understanding each other.

She'd love to do that with her mom

This is the main problem. You have to be firm and authoritive. It's your house, you ARE the authority. With my girls, 3 and 6, I try to reason with them but at a certain point, they gotta' get a good solid swat in the ass. You need to make it absolutely clear it is your house and with that comes your rules. A shrink, apologies to Wingy, isn't going to help if she won't respect your authoritie.[/Cartman]

Be loving, be compationate, understand she's a teenager and surely an emotional basket case. But most of all, be firm and MAKE her understand what is acceptable and what is not. When she moves out, she's free to do as she wants, but until then, she does what you want. Period. If you cave,, you're done for, and to a certain extent, she is.

She'll hate you now for it, but they all do, an will love you more than ever when she grows and understands.

For the record, the 3yr old's been swatted twice and the 6yr old only 4 times. When they know there's a price to pay, they get in line pretty quicky. I'll do everything I can for them, but they WILL NOT walk over Nicole and I.

Punch her in the face.

Twice.[/king]

I've been lucky with my oldest daughter. She will be 18 at the end of this month. She is well adjusted and has never been in any serious trouble. She does well in school and works part time at our local sheriff's department. There are times when I beat my head trying to reason with her - but I will tell you that being involved and firm discipline really helps.

I'm not saying that you are an uninvolved parent but your girl is obviously walking on you and your wife.You need to really put your foot down on the friends and lack of respect in your home. I would put an end to the smoking on your property. Lay down reasonable/logical rules and stick by them. Kids do need rules. It's tough but you have to do it.

You can't isolate her from her crowd but you might need to find a way to get her involved with better people to hang out with. Getting her involved with sports like some others have suggested is a good start and I think she is already. I would suggest that maybe if there is a way to move her to a different school, perhaps a private school that can possibly help her focus on her work - then do it. I'm not sure how practical this would be for your family and it may not be possible.

Regardless - you need to remove her from her current environment, or at least limit the exposure to the bad influences. There will be many battles that you will have to endure - be prepared. Just develop a thick skin and stay firm with the rules you set. Remind her that she lives with a family and is part of the family - how she conducts herself effects everyone in the family. Drugs, smoking, and other unacceptable behaviors should not be tolerated. You have a younger sibling that is exposed to this and could eventually follow suit. The problem would then only multiply. Your 14 year old and you are setting an example for her unintentionally. It's a hard one to break because some habits have already developed at this point.

Counseling may help. You have to help as well - or it will not work. Being a good parent is tough. Hang in there.

If all else fails - punch her in the face [/frustrated]

Word!

Do what they used to do in the old days - just smack them a few times.
Training them at a young age works too.

If she's been skipping school, then all hope is lost. Kill her now and save the world the trouble. [/Riser]

Harden the fock up Pike!

I agree, don't let her walk all over you, and try to limit her time with her "bad" friends.

It won't be easy, you won't be the nice guy, but you can't give her everything. It won't help long term, and the other two will expect the same (most likely).

I like Llama man's idea of killing her - would save him and the world a sh!t load of trouble...