Story from Wingy

Wingy e-mailed me this personal story... Thought I'd share. The names have been changed to protect the guilty, but I'm sure you can figure it out.

An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.
"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.
"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know I live by the railway, well on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the films. I,of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway to cut a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top!"

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky sonofabitch. Was she pretty?"

"Dunno... never found her head!"

Message quoted 3 times

------------------------------ No more promise no more sorrow,
No longer will I follow.
Can anybody hear me?
I just want to be me.

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JustPlainJef wrote :

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky sonofabitch. Did she let you do Anal?"

"BASTAGE"

Fixed.

Reply to audiovoodoo

JustPlainJef wrote :

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky sonofabitch. Did she give you anal or a blowjob?"

"Bastage"

Fixed.

Message edited by KingLoftusXII on 01-10-2008 at 03:19:43 PM

------------------------------ +35 Wingding approval points +10 Scouse approval +22 Mammary Manipulation
+5 Comedy +15 Belated Holy Points +5 Messianic Approval + 5 penile innovation
+13 Baked Ham creativity +65 Obscure Quote

Reply to KingLoftusXII

JustPlainJef wrote :

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky sonofabitch. Did she do anal or give you a blowjob?

"Errr, no"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"BASTAGE!"

Proper fixed.

------------------------------ 'Out of the abyss I come the avenger
shapeless and faceless - Yet I have a name,
I shall tighten my grip on your now flawed creation,
endeavour to show you the meaning of pain.'
Reply to RobD

...*CLUSTERBASTAGE*...

Reply to WingDing

*enters*

*gets knocked onto backside by force of clusterbastage*

*sits there, stunned, thinking of an appropriate response*

*decides to play it safe and mysteriously disappears*

Message quoted 1 times

------------------------------ http://www.catb.org/~esr/faqs/smart-questions.html - I WISH PEOPLE WOULD APPLY THIS!
Reply to mugz

Quote :

...*CLUSTERBASTAGE*...

Nice!!!!

------------------------------

Dazzle them with Brilliance, or Baffle them with Bull S-it!!!!!
Reply to RCPilot

w00t! I triggered a cluster bastage!

------------------------------ No more promise no more sorrow,
No longer will I follow.
Can anybody hear me?
I just want to be me.
Reply to JustPlainJef

Can't think which reply tipped him over the edge. [/innocent]

------------------------------ 'Out of the abyss I come the avenger
shapeless and faceless - Yet I have a name,
I shall tighten my grip on your now flawed creation,
endeavour to show you the meaning of pain.'
Reply to RobD

I'm sure his loving and caring wife has many ways to help reduce his stress at the end of a long day! [/I've seen them, anyway]

------------------------------ No more promise no more sorrow,
No longer will I follow.
Can anybody hear me?
I just want to be me.
Reply to JustPlainJef

Every time he takes her to the shops to spend out, she repays his generosity with plenty of sexual favours. [/pigs might fly]

Message edited by RobD on 01-11-2008 at 11:30:26 AM

------------------------------ 'Out of the abyss I come the avenger
shapeless and faceless - Yet I have a name,
I shall tighten my grip on your now flawed creation,
endeavour to show you the meaning of pain.'
Reply to RobD

This rocks. We are double-teaming Wingy!

(Much like we double-teamed his wife last week!)

------------------------------ No more promise no more sorrow,
No longer will I follow.
Can anybody hear me?
I just want to be me.
Reply to JustPlainJef

Yeah, next time could you lie on a rug instead of me, please? It took an age to un-mat all my fur.

------------------------------ +46.53 Pedantry/+75 Wingding Approval/+27 Vindictive bastard/+7 innovative violence/+11 Scouse trophies/Bastages WD:9 RC:4 AV:1 [specials; cluster:2,leather elbow patched:1,pre-approved:3,first class (upgrade):1,multi-thread:1,double-barrel:1]
Reply to llama_man

Well, if you are in the room, get up and get some action, don't just lay there on the floor!

Besides, Mrs. Ding is always looking for more!

------------------------------ No more promise no more sorrow,
No longer will I follow.
Can anybody hear me?
I just want to be me.
Reply to JustPlainJef

mugz wrote :

mysteriously disappears*

It's been a long time since there was any mystery in that...

------------------------------ These forumz screwed up my sig...
+42 not give a shyte points...
Reply to _WW_

Yeah, yeah, it's just me snapping my fingers.

*enigmatically disappears*

Message quoted 1 times

------------------------------ http://www.catb.org/~esr/faqs/smart-questions.html - I WISH PEOPLE WOULD APPLY THIS!
Reply to mugz

------------------------------ "For years my dad struggled with alcoholism, I have perfected it."
"Lonely once the drugs are gone, I feel like..."
Roll Tide!

Reply to mrface

Hey, just gimme a minute and you can have her head back.

Reply to Auburn9698

Fcuk me, twe reprobates back on here in two days. How you doin' Aubie?! Good to see you again mate.

------------------------------ 'Out of the abyss I come the avenger
shapeless and faceless - Yet I have a name,
I shall tighten my grip on your now flawed creation,
endeavour to show you the meaning of pain.'
Reply to RobD

mugz wrote :

Yeah, yeah, it's just me snapping my fingers.

*predictably disappears*

Fixed.

------------------------------ These forumz screwed up my sig...
+42 not give a shyte points...
Reply to _WW_

I'd rather fcuk Jessica Alba, but I'll keep ya in mind if I ever get real lonely.

Doin' alright, I reckon. Vertical and ventilating and all that. How 'bout yourself, big Rob?

Was just watching a Mike Judge Collection DVD the other day. :lol:

Reply to Auburn9698

Funny you should mention that. I caught an old Friends episode last week where Joey and Chandler spend all the time in their La-z boy chairs, and right at the end they're watching Beavis and Butt-head. Promptly dug out a DVD of the legendary duo and laughed my arse off.

------------------------------ 'Out of the abyss I come the avenger
shapeless and faceless - Yet I have a name,
I shall tighten my grip on your now flawed creation,
endeavour to show you the meaning of pain.'
Reply to RobD

*sigh*

------------------------------ http://www.catb.org/~esr/faqs/smart-questions.html - I WISH PEOPLE WOULD APPLY THIS!
Reply to mugz

Lord or no Lord, you don't dis the legendary duo. Tsk tsk.

------------------------------ 'Out of the abyss I come the avenger
shapeless and faceless - Yet I have a name,
I shall tighten my grip on your now flawed creation,
endeavour to show you the meaning of pain.'
Reply to RobD

heh-heh...

------------------------------ http://www.catb.org/~esr/faqs/smart-questions.html - I WISH PEOPLE WOULD APPLY THIS!
Reply to mugz

So Rob, I don't know if there's a better thread for this, so I'll stick it here...

I've been re-digitizing my MP3 collection, making sure to get the album art and all that crap... Plus I found a great juke box program, so I could put it out for parties!

So I decided not to pass any judgement and just do all of our music. So I got to go through such greats yesterday as Air Supply and Tracy Chapman... Ugh. So I did have two Anthrax albums that I threw on my thumb drive to listen to today.

But I forgot it at home. =o(

Message quoted 1 times

------------------------------ No more promise no more sorrow,
No longer will I follow.
Can anybody hear me?
I just want to be me.
Reply to JustPlainJef

Ooh, Anthrax. Seen 'em about ten times live, they rule. Which albums? Belladonna or Bush era? The last album "The Greater Of Two Evils" was quality, nice to hear Bush doing their old stuff justice. Just a pity they seem to be going nowhere at the moment.

------------------------------ 'Out of the abyss I come the avenger
shapeless and faceless - Yet I have a name,
I shall tighten my grip on your now flawed creation,
endeavour to show you the meaning of pain.'
Reply to RobD

Attack Of The Killer B's and The Sound Of White Noise is what he's got.

N.F.B. (Dallabnikcufesin) is a great hump tune. I'm Da' Man.

I can hear your f*ckin' radio you stupid sh*t!

------------------------------ +35 Wingding approval points +10 Scouse approval +22 Mammary Manipulation
+5 Comedy +15 Belated Holy Points +5 Messianic Approval + 5 penile innovation
+13 Baked Ham creativity +65 Obscure Quote

Reply to KingLoftusXII

JustPlainJef wrote :

So I decided not to pass any judgement and just do all of our music. So I got to go through such greats yesterday as Air Supply and Tracy Chapman... Ugh.

Hey, in my defense, the wifes music was in there too. I can honestly say I've never played either. A friend of a friend was over and started to play "Fast Car" and promptly had a beer bottles throw at him. By two people simultaneously...

Fortunately, for him, I was well lit and had a poor throw and managed to only get him in the back of the leg. Fortunately, for me, the other bottle bounced off the dartboard.

------------------------------ +35 Wingding approval points +10 Scouse approval +22 Mammary Manipulation
+5 Comedy +15 Belated Holy Points +5 Messianic Approval + 5 penile innovation
+13 Baked Ham creativity +65 Obscure Quote

Reply to KingLoftusXII

The Sound Of White Noise was a great album, quite a bold move considering their past. I remember reading an interview with James Hetfiled who considered Only on of the best songs he's ever heard. Praise indeed.

I'm Da Man, I saw them do it live and Joey fcuked it up before he was supposed to fcuk it up. I'd never heard Dan Spitz talk before, but he called him all sorts. Quite a deep voice for such a short arse.

I do wish I'd got to see S.O.D. before they had the big fall out with Milano too.

------------------------------ 'Out of the abyss I come the avenger
shapeless and faceless - Yet I have a name,
I shall tighten my grip on your now flawed creation,
endeavour to show you the meaning of pain.'
Reply to RobD

Only is a great tune. I had to stop listening to it for awhile when it was released because it actually got a ton of airplay here.

------------------------------ +35 Wingding approval points +10 Scouse approval +22 Mammary Manipulation
+5 Comedy +15 Belated Holy Points +5 Messianic Approval + 5 penile innovation
+13 Baked Ham creativity +65 Obscure Quote

Reply to KingLoftusXII

IT was Killer B's and State of Euphoria.

I also brought in Back in Black, Dirty Deeds, Ballbreaker, and The Razor's Edge.

Also Check your Head, by the Beastie Boys.

King Lotus Petal, I seem to have misplaced the gifts you sent, but I have a lot of cleaning to do down there. I will have some more gifts to send your way though...

=o)

------------------------------ No more promise no more sorrow,
No longer will I follow.
Can anybody hear me?
I just want to be me.
Reply to JustPlainJef

I must obtain another hardrive as my 2 are bulked out which prevents me from swapping with one of my bud's. I must do this soon as he has everything by Iron Maiden and I'm really at a loss as to way I don't have their stuff already.

*smacks self*

------------------------------ +35 Wingding approval points +10 Scouse approval +22 Mammary Manipulation
+5 Comedy +15 Belated Holy Points +5 Messianic Approval + 5 penile innovation
+13 Baked Ham creativity +65 Obscure Quote

Reply to KingLoftusXII

* Has full collection of Iron Maiden and Bruce Dickinson's solo stuff *

* smug *

------------------------------ +46.53 Pedantry/+75 Wingding Approval/+27 Vindictive bastard/+7 innovative violence/+11 Scouse trophies/Bastages WD:9 RC:4 AV:1 [specials; cluster:2,leather elbow patched:1,pre-approved:3,first class (upgrade):1,multi-thread:1,double-barrel:1]
Reply to llama_man

Yeah, who cares?[/jealous]

------------------------------ +35 Wingding approval points +10 Scouse approval +22 Mammary Manipulation
+5 Comedy +15 Belated Holy Points +5 Messianic Approval + 5 penile innovation
+13 Baked Ham creativity +65 Obscure Quote

Reply to KingLoftusXII

Iorn maden is crying out for a new form of patten matching file compression, after all there are only 3 cords that they play so I guess midi would be the way to go...

Reply to audiovoodoo

I think you mean "chords".

They might be getting a little long in the tooth these days, but I don't think they're into the corduroy trousers just yet.

Message quoted 1 times

------------------------------ +46.53 Pedantry/+75 Wingding Approval/+27 Vindictive bastard/+7 innovative violence/+11 Scouse trophies/Bastages WD:9 RC:4 AV:1 [specials; cluster:2,leather elbow patched:1,pre-approved:3,first class (upgrade):1,multi-thread:1,double-barrel:1]
Reply to llama_man

I still remember the first time I saw them. Arena was dark, classical music was playing...then they start playing, the lights come up and all I see is hundreds of chairs being thrown into the air...

------------------------------ +35 Wingding approval points +10 Scouse approval +22 Mammary Manipulation
+5 Comedy +15 Belated Holy Points +5 Messianic Approval + 5 penile innovation
+13 Baked Ham creativity +65 Obscure Quote

Reply to KingLoftusXII

llama_man wrote :

I think you mean "chords".

They might be getting a little long in the tooth these days, but I don't think they're into the corduroy trousers just yet.

Still giving Heavy Metal a bad name with their Spandex then are they?

Reply to Toledovirgin

Pretty much, yeah.

*queues up Children of Bodom in winamp*

I preferred most of Maiden's older stuff.

*attaches notebook audio output to HD PA system*

Another band I used to enjoy was Judas Priest.

*presses 'play'*

Message quoted 1 times

------------------------------ http://www.catb.org/~esr/faqs/smart-questions.html - I WISH PEOPLE WOULD APPLY THIS!
Reply to mugz

Took quite a shine to Rob Halford, did we? I can't believe no one twigged him before.

------------------------------ 'Out of the abyss I come the avenger
shapeless and faceless - Yet I have a name,
I shall tighten my grip on your now flawed creation,
endeavour to show you the meaning of pain.'
Reply to RobD

Nor can I.

------------------------------ http://www.catb.org/~esr/faqs/smart-questions.html - I WISH PEOPLE WOULD APPLY THIS!
Reply to mugz

He bought all the black studded leather gear from S&M shops in Soho that he used to frequent. I saw an interview with Bruce Dickinson where he said no one saw it coming, yet it was so obvious with hindsight.

------------------------------ 'Out of the abyss I come the avenger
shapeless and faceless - Yet I have a name,
I shall tighten my grip on your now flawed creation,
endeavour to show you the meaning of pain.'
Reply to RobD

Any votes for Rainbow? How about a bit of Hawkwind?

Reply to audiovoodoo

Nah, lets have the masters.... Black Sabbath.

------------------------------ 'Out of the abyss I come the avenger
shapeless and faceless - Yet I have a name,
I shall tighten my grip on your now flawed creation,
endeavour to show you the meaning of pain.'
Reply to RobD

I used to listen to Magnum, Vai, Rainbow, Hawkwind, Gong, Sabath, Deep Purple, Zeplin and that iriatating Tommy Vance tw@t... Friday Night rock show..

How times have changed nowadays you get Westwood rolling on his phat 24's

Message edited by audiovoodoo on 01-17-2008 at 11:55:39 AM

Reply to audiovoodoo

Can't remember the last time I listed to Radio 1. Too many pricks pretending to be DJ's on there these days.

------------------------------ 'Out of the abyss I come the avenger
shapeless and faceless - Yet I have a name,
I shall tighten my grip on your now flawed creation,
endeavour to show you the meaning of pain.'
Reply to RobD

About the only thing on radio one that I would say is worth a listen is Giles Peterson who does the experimental stuff.. Heads off in all sorts of nice directions in a more dance / jazz / trip hope kind of way without all the bizare Affrican stuff you used to get from Kershaw.

I still miss John Peal though.. Peterson and Kershaw are good but not the same..

Reply to audiovoodoo

I pretty much gave up on Radio 1 when Mark Radcliffe left and Peely died. The only two blokes who'd play what they want. Radcliffe was slowly being marginalised. They'd have never been able to shunt Peel out the door, he was an institution. The most eclectic musical taste I've ever encountered. A very dark day when he passed on. His book is very very good, read it again over Christmas.

------------------------------ 'Out of the abyss I come the avenger
shapeless and faceless - Yet I have a name,
I shall tighten my grip on your now flawed creation,
endeavour to show you the meaning of pain.'
Reply to RobD

"This is Andy Kershaw on H.M. Prison Radio, live from the arse-raping cell".

------------------------------ 'Out of the abyss I come the avenger
shapeless and faceless - Yet I have a name,
I shall tighten my grip on your now flawed creation,
endeavour to show you the meaning of pain.'
Reply to RobD

Forum Old Man/Woman's Club : Other - Story from Wingy

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Story from Wingy

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