The Treehouse party

I AM THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bomber: "Where's the bong?"

Mung bean curry eater: "Next to the scantily clad stripper I hired."

Bomber: "Oh. Next to her thong clad arse, AV?"

Mung bean curry eater: "Yes, Bomber, feel free to bury your head up her date."

...*Bomber obligingly obliges and pulls monster toke as a consequence*...

And my dubious drinking buddy was hell bent on heading to the Ritz for Polish night tonight... This could develop into a dangerous day and seriously stubborn infection.

Well there's fcuk all chance of the ugly Aussie pulling anything else

Bomber... you are going to hate me now fella.. just checked the e-mail. I've got an invite from the Salford lass for an evening of full on fcuking. Even asked me to bring some pr0n! Now I had said I wasn't going back there again but...

Edit - was missing an 'e' - Bomber I'm looking at you....

Have a good one!

No stuff that, have a truly maginificently mind-blowing one!

I concur with Jesus. I mean Jebus. I mean Buddha.... I mean...our sagacious one.

"Ah, Wingy, Jef and Chris are suggesting that they may be scoring raw anal action tonight, and not with your wife. Do you have any comments re this amazing coincidence?

Will you still be porking your wife after the visa statement comes in? And what of peace in the Middle East. Any thoughts?"

"Wingy's done a hammy!!!" [/lamentations of Mrs Philips]

** Cues up the record player **

I don't care if you track me down
Like an animal that's on the run
Tie me down spread-eagle
Leave me dyin' in the sun
Cause I scream bloody murder
When you writhe and when you squeeze
You smell my blood and you come runnin'
Taste me if you please

Lick it hard, lap it up, do it now baby, touch it, touch it
Lick your lips and flash your paws
Suck me suck me eat me raw

Oooh, Harder faster
Yeah, that's what I need cause
Now that's what I'm after
Come do that wicked deed aha

I can hear those cries of love
A wolf howls at the moon
A heart attack, a sex maniac
With rock salt in my wounds
Cause I can feel my pulsing vein
Make it last, last all night long

I taste the bliss I wet the lips
And I don't care if it's wrong

Lick it hard, lap it up, do it now baby, touch it, touch it
Lick your lips and flash your paws
Shuck me suck me eat me raw

Oooh, Harder faster
Yeah, that's what I need cause
Now that's what I'm after
Come do that wicked deed Aha

Slippin' slidin' strokin' the devil's hand of sin
Screamin wild and smokin' the ecstacy begins
Listen to your woman here
She say she don't want none of this slow down crap
You know what I'm talkin' 'bout?

Oooh, Harder faster
Yeah, that's what I need cause
Now that's what I'm after
Come do that wicked deed aha

Judging by the responce to the last teaser txt she already has.. That girl brings new meaning to pushing the right button.

I would imagine that you will, this very afternoon, entertain the thought of her slurping on your swollen, throbbing pole.

Sounds like fun...

Have a beer.

Make that three. I'll give Filthy Slut a call later.

I'll try not to disappoint.

You bet your fockin' arse you won't. No Scouser would.

I still cry laughter over your shenanigans with a legit Mumbai sweetheart...

Chimp Mission update (5:12pm GMT):

It is with somewhat monsterous frustration that the chimps mission for the evening has been cancelled. The girl in question has just admitted that she has a stonking great cold sore. Now I may be in urgent need of a good hard shag but I'm not about to risk herpies. I may have the very occasional cold sore from time to time myself but knowing the way this harlet likes her oral it just plain aint worth the risk. Phone sex is still on offer but in a shared house with thin walls I'm not about to provide house entertainment.

So... Looks like the chimp is off out on the town instead.. Doubtless I'll find some wench and catch a dose of something else as payback but at least I can fool myself that I exersiced some degree of self control and common sense.

On behalf of you all I issue her with an almighty

** Prick teasing disease faced BASTAGE **

Now then get me a fcuking beer I need one!

It's a start..

** Knocks back the poncy drink **
** Thanks lucky stars that he wears glasses with tough coat as umbrella smacks into lenses **
** Starts to think which bar in Manchester has the highest number of loose women **

That would explain why you have an intimate knowledge of my home town then...

It's in the mung bean curry... Just don't make to much noise slurping it down. [/Over compensated for lack of ass by drinking far to much]

Dear Dumb Yerksh!te.

The curry contains Mung Beans. The effect on your digestive system will closely resemble a hefy slurp of the pervert pecker potion.

Hope you enjoy the splaterfarts.

Yours

The Chimp