How to round off a perfect week...?

It's been a fun few days...

I'm in the middle of year end at work and it's been hard going. The software update we released has had a few 'issues' and the upshot of this is I've been having to put in long hours and some serious graft. I've just been signed off my probation period at work and they even found me a modest pay rise to say thanks for all my hard work. Great I thought, time for a new treat!!

Last week the Chimpet and I decided we'd get into doing some Mountain biking this summer. A couple of weeks back we'd been out on a light trail and I crashed and smashed up a few bits on my bike and came rather to close for comfort on the smashing my bits up front. Hybrid bikes don't like mud! I spent last weekend testing potential new bikes and on Sunday finally decided I'd order one of these* beauties. Popped down the deposit and then fcuked off over to her house for the evening. This is where things started to go wrong, you could tell there were things she was not saying.

Monday morning I head off to work ready for another busy day. Stressed sounding Chimpet calls at lunch to invite me over for some food that evening so I say yes. You could feel the atmosphere when I got there. We need to talk.... She then lays into me with a whole list of things I need to change about myself. I mean I've had women in the past that want me to do things differently, pay them more attention and the like, but I've never had one that asks for me to be a whole different person! So you want to split up then?? No, she says, I really like you - I just want you to change! Now I've hung out here long enough to know when to say fcuk you... so I did. Twice.

Even as a the cold hearted chimp that I am I couldn't help but feel a bit down on Tuesday. Work went mental, main systems crashing, customers complaining and then I snapped at one of the managers. Fortunately I'd had a chat with one of the girls there earlier and she explained what was going on to the boss and I got away with being told to go talk a walk and cool down. Ended up getting out of the office around 9pm and heading to a mates to get wasted.

Wednesday morning as I head to work I have this sudden thought... I'm supposed to be collecting the new bike this evening! Now I like the bike but I live in the city and the plan had been to spend weekends away. I can't justify an MTB unless I'm going to be using it in the hills. I called the shop to cancel the order - 'Ah, Mr Chimp. You just saved me a call. Your bike has just been built and is now ready for collection'. Arse The bike shop were cool and agreed to refund the deposit and just put the bike on the shop floor. I had to call in that evening to sort out the refund. Now I've had my eye on buying a fixie for a while so when I walked in the shop and the first thing I saw was this** beastie. My fcuk you Chimpet head engaged and I swapped the order over. Half an hour later I'm cutting through traffic on my new bike, back to my mates to get wasted again.

This morning I check my mail to find a flyer from another bike shop in town. The do the same bikes but were a little more pricey on the first bike I ordered, but £10 less on the one I ended up buying. I thought given that I'd changed the order I'd let them have the £10 as they had been understanding of my situation. So I open the flyer and have a look... 15% off sale this Easter... please tell me this does not include bikes... please tell me this does not include bike... Oh fcuk it does and I've just spend £90 more than I needed to.

So, I've pissed off the management, broken up with the Chimpet and then find I've spent £90 more than I needed to. I'm looking out the window and the rain is pouring down so I can't even head out for a ride on my overpriced bike


Anybody got a Bombay hooker going spare?



*Anoobis - If you ever see one for sensible money buy it. I SERIOUSLY rate it!!
** I have been after one of these for a fair old while so it was not quite a full on impulse purchase.

Did she want you to stop spending money on kids bikes and fcuking about in muddy fields? Perhaps spend some on and fcuk her instead?

The solution is clear, shag her sister.

Edit for typo.

Classic feminine directive (edited for clarity).

Men find the woman they want for the rest of their lives and are dissapointed when they change. Women find the man of their dreams and are dissapointed when they don't change.

It may be a bizarre leftover from times gone by when a womans importance was measured by the effect she had on her mans life. This is no longer needed in this day and age as women have found ways to become visible to society directly rather than through their partner, but "tradition" has a way of hanging around.

Don't know what to say chimp... I will have to read the rest before I give any advice other than learn how to say "yes dear" in a way that will make her actually believe it.

Just shag her sister.

There is very little point in denying good sense.

+10 kick a man while he's down.

I'm with Tom. Hump her sister. Then make like Tom and wipe your c0ck on the curtains. Leave her something to remember you by.

At least with work you have a job description that covers your roles and responsibilities. You also have plenty of co-workers to blame when things fcuk up.

Come on, it was only £90. The Apple tax is way more than that. [/I've been Vista64 exclusively since September last year!]

Should have been my perfect match really shouldn't it?

No, full on meat muncher and a real foodie at heart.

I got very pissed last night, stonkingly so. I'm debating going out again tonight but having been out blowing more money on toys I'm looking for a budget night. That having been said it's one of those rare nights that I have the house all to myself so rampant revenge rompage would only be limited by my stunningly bad looks.

Went out on the new bike for a few hours today and fcuking hell am I going to be getting fit if I stick at it! I'm forced to climb hills in a gear ratio I'd never have thought possible (roughly just under top gear on my old rig) but the improved efficiency of a track chain and single cog are just staggering. Another couple of weeks and a new pair of clipless shoes and I'll make the switch to fixed gear. Then the fun really starts... Name me another sport where you get to show off your skid marks??

A front wheel is totally free running, the back wheel is fixed. Yes, you can ride them backwards :-)

Only if your name is Tom or Jeff...

The positive caster angle of your bike's steering will become negative when ridden in reverse. Sure you can ride it that way, but can you steer it with any certainty?

That looks easy to me.

You made me open up a thread to read that?

Pissmop.

Nasty plain nasty.

Although check out the security guy in the backgorund.

Jef will be pleased. Did you notice that the second cart is sponsored by Chicago's premier baseball team? Or is that just an unexpected bonus to make the Cubs fan cry?

answer: by sleeping in