Darwin..

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.



2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.



3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.



4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.



6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]



7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.



8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied: "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."



9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.



10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle Street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Ah yes ...

*snicker*

God is actually some balding 30 year old guy who is single and lives in his mom's basement and works in network administration.

I can see that fantasy must be going round the minds of all of the other 30 year old virgins in the same boat ... who also don't drive a decent beamer.

Poor bastard ...

You can basically relate to most of that eh wingy ..... bar the beamer anyway!

*pees self laughing*

How many do you think are true on this batch? Not that I don't find them funny, but every time I get one of these now I have to go over to Snopes to see if they actually happened.

Also, isn't the "Darwin Award" for stupid ways people DIED, not just stupid people in general?

Yes you need to die by your own stupidity without having bred.

That was poor man, real poor.

You mean your job watching non drying paint dry takes brainpower?

Get divorce like me. I'm discovering it's actually cheaper than staying married.

Screw marriage. Eastern Europe sex trips ftw!

*That would be Moldovia, Belarus, Ukraine, and Russia.

They want security and an occassional sausaging [/dry humps shattered face]

You could use some of that yourself, you man.

A reality pay cheque.

Not in my neck of the woods

A neck is an old word for corner.

Kinda like how up here in heathen land we say nook, as in look in every nook and cranny.

Apologies if spelling is off.

With even an Irishman knowing how to use a computer, anything is possible.

And I thought you just spoke out your arse too. You clearly are a man of many talents.

I knew it...you're a vogon.

No...I've already seen finger painting by fecal fingers.

Seriosly fcuked up people that lot.

You can smell Ditch Pig and Fecal Fingers from the moon. [/India]

It fell off...

Any port in a storm will do...

Dude....

...you just keep that pus-ridden willy away from me....

I'm speechless...a wingding refusing a rancid pecker...all is not well...[/Armageddon]

Dude!

You said "Dude"!!!!

He's getting into character for the Irish version of 'Dude where's my car?'. It will be set in Dublin and the writers are still deciding if its a spoof on 2001 - 'Dude where's my brown hole?' or Wall Street with 'Dude where's my pay check?'