Extremely common problem, and probably the most asked question ever to hit the forums, well maybe right behind "new system no display"
Okay...in a nutshell here is the scoop.
What is not reporting 4 gig?
Your BIOS, or your OS, or both?
If this is in the OS, If you are running a 32 bit OS, the above scenerio is perfectly normal.
If you do not get the full 4 gig memory count during POST, you must enable memory remapping, or the memory hole feature as some older BIOS's call it to for the BIOS to remap memory above the 3 gig address layer.
But, when you do get the full 4 gig counting up during the POST memory test, your OS is only going to display around 3~3.5 gig available for use, depending exactly on how much other memory is in your system. A 32 bit OS will address 4 gig of memory and no more**, but this includes ALL the memory in your system. What is over after assigning all of the other memory in your system address space (the video card, the controllers, the system cache, the CPU cache, the harddrive cache, etc up to what makes a total of 4 gig is assigned to your RAM. Now, Windows only displays how much RAM is being assigned, it does not take into account all the other items is has already allocated memory space for.
To address above 4 gig of memory total, you need a 64 bit OS, and you still then for sure must make certain the memory remapping feature is enabled, or even the 64 bit OS will not have access to anything above 3 gig.
As for the crashing problem, running 4 sticks of memory can be troublesome due to the fact it simply is taking more system overhead to run 4 sticks. It is normal to have to increase the RAM voltage slightly to get 4 sticks running stable, or raise the timings. Best scenerio for 4 gig is 2x2 gig.
**This does not apply to earlier 32 bit versions of Windows Server. It addresses memory in a completely different way, and will address more than 4 gig, but we are not concerned about this in this situation.