Help Wanted: Choosing a Laptop

I want to buy a gaming rig, but I also want a laptop for other needs, but I don't know where to start, so here I am. With that being said, here is a list of information that will be useful, so you can choose the best laptop:

-I don't want to spend over $1,000 for the laptop.
-I don't have a preference, though anything above 13".
-I don't know anything about this, so something basic, but not crappy.
-I want 8+ hours of battery life.
-I want it to have a CD/DVD drive (NO BLU-RAY), firewire port, etc.
-I'll be using the laptop for Internet, music, chat (not in any specific order of importance).
-I want the laptop to have at least 250GB of HDD.
-I want this laptop to last a very long time.
-I want a durable, good-quality laptop with long battery life, doesn't over-heat too much and is affordable, yet still a good laptop.
-I'm from the USA, just in case you need to know that.

If there's more info that you need, let me know, and I'll think of something else to add for you.

NOTE: I know that I'm in the wrong forum. I just came here, because there's a lot of activity, so I won't wait so long for responses.

I realize that I'm in the wrong forum, as I've said. I don't want to read other people's posts, nor do I want to wait. I'm sorry if this is a problem, and/or if I broke any rules.

Not a realistic goal for laptops. Figure 2.5~3.5 hrs depending on the model features and battery size.

save that $1000 and collect another $1000 and get youself a good computer,life is too short for cheap wine and thats a fact!