I fixed everything! I did remove the cpu and went all sherlock holmes on the socket with my magnifier (I have a 1366 socket but the link was good anyways EXT64, thanks alot)
And I found something there so keept looking. it was like a glitch in the pattern... one pin was bent. so I took a needle and started to sort of feel around. then I just pushed it back, everything looked great so I kicked in all the parts and now I have triple channel and all 6gb is listed!
I dont know if my crashes are gone but have great hope in this now.
King alabama, thanks alot for all the help.