I have a very similar set up. I'm using the 212, I'm OCed to 4.5 and the highest temps I have seen playing BF3 for hours are upper 50s. I MAY have hit 70 once or twice during stress testing using Intel Burn Test. I have 2 front fans, 1 rear, and 1 200m top fan. Turning all fans to low had no change in temps on the CPU.
I don't think you can beat the 212 for value, noise, temps for anything 4.5 or below.
I used the stock paste that the 212 came with. I think getting in to other niche aftermarket pastes is a waste of time and money for a 4.5 or lower OC.