NEW YORK (APe Wire News) - In a surprise announcement after the markets closed, AMD appointed a new Chief Executive Officer (CEO) Harry Buttz to replace former exec Dirk Meyers who was ousted by the Board of Directors on January 27 of this year. Mr. Buttz, a graduate of NYCZG (New York City Zoological Gardens), immediately took firm control of the helm and made an introductory statement that he would change the course of the company. "We gonna stop makin' them monkey-poo processors and sell our CPU divishun to de highest bidder!"
In a further surprising development, the Obama administration announced a return of the "cash for clunkers" program and said they would offer $25 to AMD for their CPU division. Mr. Buttz immediately accepted the offer, stating "Dat's moah money than we made in de last 4 years!!"
When asked about his future plans for AMD, Mr. Buttz merely nodded and stated "Well, I'm gonna go get me a 6-pack & a bag o' Cheetohs. 'Bout time I got my golden parachute, just like Hector & Dirk!"
NEW YORK (AP Wire News) - In a surprise announcement after the markets closed today, new Advanced Micro Devices (AMD) Chief Executive Officer (CEO) Harry Buttz disclosed their new processor technology will blow thine enemies at Intel to bits.
Identified as The Holy Bulldozer of Sunnyvale, Buttz noted that the first generation chip will additionally create peace on earth, good will between Obama and the Tea Party, balance the US Federal budget, and cure the painful itch and swelling of most venereal diseases.
In a conflicting conversation, John Fruehe, Director of Product Marketing at AMD, noted that products without the Holy Pin would not be supported unless thou cross thy fingers, and thou must count to three. He continued, "Three shall be the number of the counting neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three."
New Intel chief Biggus Dickus showed no concern with the developments at AMD and the impact of the new Holy Bulldozer of Sunnyvale on Intel sales. He noted, "The majority of purchasers of Intel microprocessors cannot count to three."