So I've managed to get windows up and running on the machine (posting from it now).
Still has two major problems, though:
Whenever I try and restart or shut down my comp (and turn it back on), I have to reset the CMOS before it will let me power back up. Otherwise, I hit power, it cycles through the numbers on the diagnosis things, and then shuts off. Once I reset CMOS, it works like a charm. I've updated the BIOS to 1302 (from 1202) through the ASUS utility, but no luck.
Why is this a problem? Besides being annoying, it renders me unable to edit the bios since nothing saves when I hit "save and reset," since resetting the CMOS clears what I was just trying to save. This includes turning off the things that supposedly cause the double post issue, as well as, more significantly, boot order (as it stands, my system insists on booting to the bios every time, rather than right into windows).
The other problem is the system not letting me use my second 4gb stick of G.SKILL Sniper Ram. One stick works fine, but once I put in 2, the boot process hangs up with error code 45 or 38.
Any solutions? It's a bit ridiculous and extraordinarily frustrating.