Need help from some native speakers!

[Grunert]

Hello,
I am studing process engineering (university) and have to write an essay about a mothballing article.
Because I am German I would be really glad if you can help me!!!

Can any body please correct (commas, grammar and use of words) following short text???
http://www.studenten-spiel.de/sites/default/files/Mothballing4.doc

big big THX in advance!!!

 

[wanamingo]

....skizzenhaft

 

[kajabla]

are you worried about things like an introduction? beyond grammar, the beginning seems abrupt.

 

[kajabla]

here we go. things are in the order in which i found them, top to bottom.
-to better introduce it, the first sentence could start with "Mothballing: some would translate..."
-ON the following page, not at

-"AND what problems and opportunities..."

-"begins to have" instead of "has"

-By idling the facility, its operating costs can be reduced to a minimum, and when demand rises again it can reactivate in a short time.

-generally, you don't need "the" when you refer to a general concept, like "costs" or "demand"

-"proper shutdown of *a* facility": a general facility, not one in particular

-no comma after "at the beginning is"

-comma after "bang for the buck", and nice expression

-no "the" before "different equipment", and no "a" before "different treatment"

-no return after "dangers that should be removed:"

-"material *IS* not removed properly" - keep your tenses straight

-"it can cause, besides additional costs when reactivating,"

-"security or ex-supervisor *personnel*"

-the last sentence of that material paragraph doesn't make sense; i'm not sure what you mean by "threads." However, removing threads entirely, it should be "Also, the reactivating people may not be familiar with the handling of the materials left behind." the word "left" is an exception in English; it's not commonly used as an adjective by itself in the way that you did. Instead, it's used like "the material left behind" or "the leftover material."

-the comma after "shutdown and mothballing" should be a semicolon, ";", to indicate an independent sentence joined on to the first sentence.

-"mostly" should be "usually" to indicate instances over time, as opposed to instances happening at once, when you would use "mostly"

-a fixed "Else" sentence: "Otherwise, little things like a forgotten line blind or a filter can damage the facility after reactivation and startup." startup is one word.

-"pirates of parts": the temptation is not high to the fact of pirating, it's high to the pirates themselves.

-comma after "finally"

-no "as" before "many mistakes", and mistakes are "made", not "done".

-comma after "expert"

-fixed last sentence: "So try to involve an expert as well as the former workforce, and don't try to make a fast buck by rushing the mothballing or pirating parts. You'll get it back multiple times when reactivating.

 

[kajabla]

i hope that all makes sense

 

[Grunert]

Big big thanks!!!!
Your correction was very accurate and helpful.
thx again!

 

[kajabla]

no problem
this is kinda fun

 

[Grunert]

different text but the same question ^^
Would be great if anybody can help me

1.
The quality of the beer is ensured by traditional as well as brand new methods.
Quality and taste are for them more important than pure volume production.
This is achieved by “the human touch”, a mix between automated and hands-on brewing.
By doing this they were able to save money, which a fully automated system would have cost more, and also are able to brew much more different beers.

2.
Normally the boiling in the brew kettle (Stomboli) would be quite energy intensive. By recovering the heat, they are able to save 50% of the energy that other similarly sized breweries need. A vapour condenser, which is mounted above the kettle, condenses the steam from the kettle, by heating the wort entering the kettle. In combination with efficient boiling, energy recycling and other green practices New Glarus is able to achieve a very low primary energy consumption.

3.
Beside some drawbacks, the big advantage of using a centrifuge instead of a filter, are reduced labour costs, as well as cheaper operating costs. However this doesn´t reduce the flexibility, so that they can tailor a crystal clear beer or even extremely hazy ale.

4.
New Glarus tries to keep the overhead costs low, despite the rising costs for energy, labour, raw materials and taxes.
The energy costs are reduced by a high overall efficiency, taxes by building a small water treatment facility, which reduces the wastewater disposal costs to a minimum.
This allows them to maintain the high quality of the raw materials and labourers.

 

[kajabla]

Hey look, my favorite activity.
1.1: You may mean "beer can be ensured" but I'm not sure.
1.2: commas: "are, for them, more important" because "for them" is a side note
1.3: put the quotes directly before "human" and after "the"
1.4: By doing this they ARE able to save money, AS a fully automated system would have cost more, and ARE ALSO able to brew MANY more different beers.
I'll continue to refer to the 2s in 2.1 form, assuming line breaks.
2.1: Just "boiling", not "the boiling". Also, it's "a" brew kettle, as you're not referring to a specific one.
2.2:good.
2.3: no comma before "by heating"
2.4: "By a combination of" works better, because there's nothing else that it's in "combination with". Comma after "practices".
3.1: "Aside from some drawbacks". The advantage*s* are plural. No comma after "filter".
3.2: "it doesn't reduce", not "this". No "that" in "that they". The expression for tailor is "tailor-make". It should be *an* extremely hazy ale; in this case, "ale" is not a general material but a specific product.
4.1: No "the" before "rising costs".
4.2: There should be an "and" before taxes. Nice usage of the doubly-applied verb there. No "the" before wastewater.
4.3: "This allows them to maintain a high level of quality in raw materials and labourers." Also, "labourers" changes to "laborers" in America, if this piece will go there.

 

[Grunert]

Big THANKS!!!
I am enjoying your correction every time.
(because of your explanations)

Starting to get the feeling, that "the" is deeply imprinted in me ^^
We Germans use a the (der/die/das) as article in front of every noun ;-)

See you soon for the next correction ^^
Greetings from Germany
Grunert

p.s. hey my avatar works

 

[kajabla]

The articles take some serious getting used to.

 

[Grunert]

Ok next text is coming soon ;-)
However I have some issues with a question:

"Why might it be important to verify the palcement of valve handles out of the operator´s working area?"

I know every word, but still have problems to understand what he means :-(

 

[kajabla]

I don't understand why it would say "out of" the working area. That doesn't make sense to me either. I would expect it to be "in" the working area. Alternatively, it could mean that someone is trying to make sure that the handles are not in the area at all. In that case, it should say "Why might it be important to verify that the valve handles are not placed in the operator's working area?"

 

[Rusting In Peace]

I think the question is simply asking why it's a bad idea for an operator's valves to be out of reach.

 

[Grunert]

Got an answer:

"Is the question about the grammatical correctness of "out of" versus "not in" or whether or not the physical placement of the valve handles in the worker area makes sense?

As for grammar, "out of" is synonymous with "not in". As in, I do not live inside the boundaries of city A proper. I live in cityB, which is out(side) of cityA proper. Or, for a more technical example, the valve handle it is not inside the boundaries of the worker's area, which means that it is out(side) of the boudaries of the worker's area. In this case, out of the working area does not mean not in reach of the operator, but out of the way of the operator.

Does that clarify the situation at all?"

Text is coming in a few minutes.
I am glad that even native speakers have their issues with his questions ^^

 

[Grunert]

1. To achieve this smooth commissioning they eliminated risk, selected the right equipment, followed quality control checks, and carried out field inspection, item after item.
2. When receiving a pump, you should check if file information and specification is matching, and put in or replace seals if necessary. Before installing the pump, ensure all check stops were removed, confirm the amount of spare parts and its specifications, but do not perform final alignment.
3. Again first check the motor nameplate information against starter bucket and other components, also the branch circuit loads for capacity. Finally test the supply side of the starters for faults (unbalanced leg) and do not forget the ground.
4. The goal for electrical and instrumentation checks are, to find any shorts and equipment failures by meg and check the voltages. Also ensure that instruments are in working order and pump protection.

Free thinking:

a) Why might it be important to verify the placement of valve handles out of the operator´s working area?
Answer:
Out of the working area doesn´t mean out of reach (because else it would be absurd).
By placing the valve handles outside of the operator´s working area, he cannot accidental operate the valves. And if the automation fails, an overhasty manual intervention is also prevented.

b)Why might it be a good idea to flush newly installed piping before a pump is tested?
Answer:
Usually special cone shaped filters are installed for start up.
Especially at start up the danger of parts cycling through the pipes and pump is high.
Without any previous flushing or a filter they could destroy the valves, seals or even worse the pump itself. Most dangerous is a cooling cycle, because the foreign object is pumped again and again through the cycle and each time the chance or the damage itself increases.

Normally the filters can be removed after the start up.


At my practical training at SPDE (Sulzer Pumps Deutschland) I was able to follow the described practice. Form the mechanical fabrication, to the assembly, to the testing (NPSH), to the packaging (installing pipes, instrumentations, valves, seals, mountings, adjusting the pump and motor at the baseplate …) of three huge 4.000.000 Watt power plant pumps and finally four weeks at the service center Mannheim.

Especially the service center was really interesting. To see aging faults as well as foreign object cycling through and destroying the rotor discs (Laufräder).

I am going to attach some pictures of this really interesting time (just FYI).

 

[kajabla]

You're right about the valve sentence, in that it probably means "not in," but it should just say that.
1. You can't really eliminate risk. "minimized" would be better. Also, it should be "a field inspection," assuming you're talking about a single instance in time.
2. It should be "you should check if the filed information and specifications are matching." Specifications are always plural.
3. "Again, first check the motor nameplate information against the starter bucket and other components, and also check the branch circuit loads for capacity. Finally, test the supply side of the starters for faults, such as an unbalanced leg, and do not forget the ground." You need commas after introductory words like "finally."
4. The goal "is." The number of that verb is taken from "goal," not from the checks. No comma after that "is". I don't know what "meg" means, but if you would explain I'd be able to tell you if the grammar of that part is correct. There should be one more verb in the last sentence: "Also ensure that instruments are in working order and check (or ensure, or a synonym) pump protection."

Do you want me to check the grammar of your answers? It's mostly good, but not entirely.

 

[Grunert]

THX.
How can I deny your offer? ^^
Please also check also my free thinking answers

just the whole post ^^

Greetings from Germany.
p.s.
Even if he means "not in", I just don´t get it.
It is an "operator" and no cleaning lady! ;-)

 

[kajabla]

Your a) free thinking seems correct (in content) to me. "accidentally" should be an adverb. I think I can tell what kind of grammar you aimed for in the second sentence. However, it should probably say "...one ensures that he cannot accidentally operate...". Over-hasty needs a hyphen.
There should be a comma after "Usually".
This one: "each time the chance of damage increases." Again, damage here is a general concept with no article.
The "to see aging faults" sentence is incomplete. As it is, the entire sentence is an infinitive, a noun. To see faults IS something.

 

[Grunert]

Thx!
"goal of" is better than "goal for"?!

 

[kajabla]

Yes, definitely. The goal belongs to the things being used.

 

[kajabla]

I'd be happy to continue making corrections.