I have a similarly spec'd system with a bit more OCing (See my signature).
I have played the demo of BF3 at 1080 with all settings on high and anti aliasing on at 4x. FRAPS is giving me rates in the upper 40s and I have not really noticed any issues. I am sure when I install the real game I'll tweak it some more to make sure I don't get any lag but the 460 is competent at this point. I have noticed that BF3 tends to peg both my GPU (all the time) and 1 of my cores (on occasion) but not all 3 cores. Of course if you want to play on ultra or multi-screen then the 460 won't work.
As for the GPU getting destroyed by those games i would have to say that in BF3 it has not been destroyed as I have been able to play a few hours without noticing any problems that I recall.
EDIT: Adding my system in case sig does not show easily