Connect an external cpu to my lappy

1: Don't tell people you run a cracked OS.
2: What you want makes no sense, buy a better laptop.

There is no such thing as an external CPU, and if there was it would be horribly slow due to latency issues communicating with your RAM and rest of the system board.

Have you ever seen an external CPU connected to a laptop. I think this is a crappy question.

Not Possible

Why yes I have, but those plugged into an expansion port on the back of the laptop which had access to the buses and clocks. Modern laptops do not give you this access. Those "modules" also could have their own memory. The last time I saw one - the processor was a 486; to give an idea of how long ago this was, and it was so the user could run native windows OS and applications on their non-intel laptop. These were also fairly common as drop in cards for desktops for Apples and Amiga's iirc.