Part One

# aphorisms file ; :!sort -u % | diff - % ; :!diff /s/peter/utilities/aphorisms % | pg
ÜL-E-NOCFFE, unable to locate coffee - keyboard input suspended
'Fine.' is not an acceptible way to end an argument.
'I'd do alright as a long distance swimmer.' 'Yes, but you might get harpooned!'
'Maintanance' is a speeling mistake.
'Oh joy', said the fatted calf, 'the young master has returned.'
's ma<glottal_stop>er, Pe<glottal_stop>er?
*** /// (5, 3, 7)
0 no a q, I 8 2 q b 4 I p!
1 1 was 1 horse & 2 2 was 1 2. 1 1 1 1 race & 2 2 1 1 2.
11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbour's Pentium.
16000 kilograms and what do you get?
170,141,183,460,469,231,731,687,303,715,884,105,727
186,282 miles per second: It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!
195% of everything is crud.
1997. The international year of the pratt.
2 + 2 = 5 for really large values of 2
2 is not equal to 3 - not even for large values of 2.
2,000 metres above stress level.
2.414km, 2.414km, 2.414km onward, into the valley of death rode the 6E2.
24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
355/113 - Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation!
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
640 K should be enough for anybody - Bill Gates 1981
6:30am:sure the bar will be open, losts of people fly at that time for a drink.
668: The neighbour of the beast.
834-0404
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
9W (The answer to `Mr Wagner, does your name start with a V ?')
:-)
:1,$s/shepp/bast/g
:wq
<a href=mailto:FABvirgil@xtra.co.nz?subject=ScienceFiction>Steve Fisher</a>
<snip>
=/:-)= Abe Lincoln
A .44 magnum beats four aces.
A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of nothing.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday in the church hall. Music will follow.
A beginning, a middle and an end.
A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with her.
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as after.
A camel is a horse designed by committee.
A celebrity is a person who is known for her well-knownness.
A chimp needs a chump.
A city is a large community where people are lonely together.
A classic is something that we all want to have read and nobody wants to read.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A closed mind in a closed body.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.
A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
A day in the life of big Ralph's trousers. Part I. The preparation.
A day without sunshine is like night.
A day without sunshine is like, night
A dead body revenges not injuries.
A desperate disease requires a dangerous remedy.
A different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur coat.
A diva who specialises in risque arias is an off-colouratura soprano.
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
A fanatic is one who can't change her mind and won't change the subject.
A father is more pleased to have his child look like him than act like him.
A fool and her money are soon parted.
A fool must now and then be right by chance.
A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees.
A fool sees not the same wise man that a wise man sees.
A fool smokes not the same tobacco that a wise man smokes.
A fool talks not the same crap that a wise man talks.
A fool will not give up what she cannot keep to gain what she cannot lose.
A formal parsing algorithm should not always be used.
A friend suffering from intestinal problems had an operation and now has a ;
A friend thinks of you when all others are thinking of themselves.
A frog in time doesn't save a thing.
A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet (sort of).
A good listener is not only popular, but after a while knows something.
A good listener with a butt is the surest way to a brighter tomorrow.
A good listener without a but is the surest way to a brighter tomorrow.
A good newspaper, I suppose, is a nation talking to itself.
A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
A handful of friends costs more than a wagon of gold.
A handful of friends is worth more than a hat full of teeth.
A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.
A hasty man drinks tea with a fork.
A hollow tooth aches.
A hollow voice says `plugh!'
A house full of trousers is joy to the Lord.
A kindness done today is the surest way to a brighter tomorrow.
A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns.
A lie would make no sense, unless the truth were felt to be dangerous.
A little distance goes a long way.
A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any price.
A loving act between two, or more, consenting adults.
A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
A man cannot be too careful in his choice of enemies.
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
A man needs a maid.
A man who has been bitten by a snake is afraid of a rope.
A man without a bicycle is like a woman without a fish.
A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
A million here, a million there, next thing you know it's big money.
A moment's thought can save a hat full of soap.
A moment's thought can save a lifetime's misery.
A noisy noise annoys an oyster.
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt.
A patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices the system works.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.
A person is just about as big as the things that make her angry.
A person's a person, no matter how small.
A perversion to listen intently (5, 2, 4, 4)
A pessimist is someone who looks both ways when crossing a one-way street.
A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
A piece of cake.
A pint of clear water weights a pound and a quarter.
A pony! But I don't know where it's hiding.
A prime candidate for natural deselection.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A professor is someone who talks in someone else's sleep.
A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat.
A real person has two reasons for doing anything-a good reason and the real one.
A riot is at bottom the language of the unheard.
A rolling stone gathers no moss.
A room temperature IQ.
A sharpened stick does not a warrior make.
A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard.
A spec that will not fit on one page of 8.5" x 11" paper cannot be understood.
A stick in time saves nine.
A stitch in time saves nine.
A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
A strolling gnome gathers no floss.
A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A suicide note and a dream ticket for the politically correct.
A tidy desk is the sign of a sick mind.
A toast to alcohol. The cause, and solution to all our problems.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
A typical day starts with Helen Clark interviewing herself on morning report.
A vacuum is miles better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
A walrus is only as good as its last hat.
A watched pot never boils.
A weakness which cannot be expressed in an aphorism should not be mentioned.
A week is a long time in politics, and at work.
A week is a long time in politics.
A whinge in times saves 9.
A whore! A whore! My condom for a whore!
A witty saying proves nothing.
A woman who makes a big splash may be a man who has gone overboard.
A woman with a woman is like a fish with a fish.
A woman without a banana is like a fish without a banana.
A woman without a banana is like a fish without a bicycle.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
A woman without a man is like a woman without a man.
A word about comments - no comment!!!
A world without Oily Jim is not a complete waste of time.
A writer must not shift your point of view.
A year ago, the web was almost silent, but that's not true any more.
A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
AAAAA: Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous
ABCD goldfish MNO goldfish SDR goldfish RDL goldfish
ADD 1 TO FROM-DATE-INPUT GIVING TO-DATE-INPUT.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
Aardvarks are not ferocious animals, for aardvark never killed anybody.
Abandon all hope of a useful reply!
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
Absence makes the heart go wander.
Absent: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.
Absolutely Positively Wellington
Absurdity: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
Access denied--nah nah na nah na na!
Accidents cause History.
According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are worthless.
Accordion: A bagpipe with pleats.
Accredited specialists in deer transportation.
Accuracy: The vice of being right.
Acdcients will happpen.
Acid - better living through chemistry.
Acid absorbs 47 times its weight in excess reality.
Acting is a fart which consists of keeping the audience from coughing.
Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing.
Add gin to vermouth giving martini.
Add man to woman, divide legs, multiply.
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Adopted kids are such a pain - you have to teach them how to look like you.
Adore: To venerate expectantly.
Adult: One old enough to know better.
Advert for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
Advice would be more acceptable if it didn't always conflict with our plans.
After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
After all is said and done, more is said than done.
After attempt on John Major, 50 million people help police with their enquiries.
After three days, fish and visitors begin to stink.
Afternoon very favourable for romance. Try a single person for a change.
Afternoon: Part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.
Against stupidity, The Gods Themselves contend in vain.
Ah reckon.
Ah, the insight of hindsight.
Ah, well, then, I suppose that I shall have to die beyond my means.
Aho Weinberger Kernighan.
Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet.
Ain't that half the the truth!
Ain't that the truth!
Air is water with holes in it.
Alas, I am dying, as I have lived. beyond my means.
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
Alea iacta est.
Alex Haley was adopted!
Alexander Graham Bell is alive and well in NYC, still waiting for a dial tone.
All Blacks' focus on rugby only.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance.
All cats are grey in the dark.
All computers wait at the same speed.
All creatures have within them the wild, uncontrollable urge to punt.
All flesh is grass.
All for one and one for all.
All generalisations are false.
All laws are basically false.
All loonies were created equal.
All mimsy were the borogoves and the mome raths outgrabe.
All my friends and I are crazy. That's the only thing that keeps us sane.
All our customer service representatives are currently on a call.
All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't.
All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
All that programmer testing bullshit.
All that you wanted to know about Unix but were afraid to ask.
All the better for seeing your bright, smiling face.
All the easy problems have been solved.
All the good ones are taken.
All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British manufacture.
All the postmasters in small towns read all the postcards.
All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.
All things must pass.
All this coffee drinking will be the urination of me.
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
All wholesome food is caught without a net or a trap.
Alone: In bad company.
Alpha: Greek for 'doesn't work'
Although a typical gin swilling evangelist, he was shorter than average.
Always be ready to speak your mind, and a base man will avoid you.
Always do one thing less than you think you can do.
Always let your conscience be your guide.
Always look on the bright side of life.
Always pick on the correct idiom.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Always remember your potential is unlimited, then strive to reach it.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them.
Am I right?
Amazing work.
Amazing! It really IS a hoonmobile!
Ambidextrous: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
Amnesia used to be my favourite word, but then I forgot it.
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than her doctor.
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile - hoping it will eat him last.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
An experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar.
An expert avoids small errors while sweeping on to grand fallacy.
An eye for an eye.
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
An idiot can face a crisis - it's this day-to-day living that wears you out.
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
An optimist is a person who takes action, who moves out ahead of the crowd.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
And I think to myself, `what a wonderful world'.
And I'll tell you why.
And Robert's your mother's brother...
And a blackcurrant juice for Ian please!
And a money-back guarantee (with proof of purchase).
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
And good ol' boys drinking rum & coke singing `this'll be the day that I croak'.
And malt does more than Milton can to justify God's ways to man.
And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
And the Invisible Man replied `I don't know who it was but it didn't half hurt!'
And the doctor said `It's not unusual'.
And the horse you rode in on.
And we'll have khaki coloured bastards by the score.
And what can he do about it? Nothing.
And where does the number you first thought of fit into the scheme of things?
And while a well fed American rabbits on - a little girl waits.
Angels we have heard on High tell us to go out and buy.
Anne Zac has nothing at all to do with ANZAC day.
Anoint: To grease a king or other great functionary already slippery enough.
Another day older and deeper in debt.
Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
Antap, ananit, hemi semak nomo.
Antonym: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
Anxiety is fear of oneself.
Any clod can have the facts, but having openings is a fart.
Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
Any colour so long as it's black.
Any excuse will serve a tyrant.
Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to sell it.
Any generation that didn't have Al Jolson in it can't be all bad.
Any news from the garage yet Pete?
Any problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it.
Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
Any small object that is accidentally dropped will hide under a larger object.
Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Any tool when dropped rolls into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.
Any way the whinge blows.
Any way the wind blows.
Any woman is a volume if one knows how to read her.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Anybody want some pushcorn? There's stacks of it.
Anybody who doesn't slow down at the sight of a police car is probably parked.
Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have her head examined.
Anyone who hates Dogs and Kids Can't be All Bad.
Anyone who isn't confused doesn't really understand the situation.
Anyone who thinks that the Bible is the word of God has obviously not read it.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
Anything that can be put into a nutshell belongs there.
Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
Apart from the unknowns, everything is obvious.
Aphorism: short pithy maxim
April is the cruellest month.
Arabs buying up my home town and you still complain about the weather.
Arbeit macht frei.
Are Friends Electric?
Are r argh !
Are r argh ah !
Are you a coat hanger?
Are you getting enough?
Arfle barfle gloop?
Arguments with furniture are rarely productive.
Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.
Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
Arts, Books and Sports bore me.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
As Irish as a bomb on a bus.
As Zeus said to Narcissus, `Watch yourself.'
As a computer I find your faith in technology amusing.
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
As the Lone Ranger said on reaching Canada, `Onto Toronto pronto, Tonto!'
As the actress said to the bishop.
As the air to a bird or the sea to a fish, so is contempt to the contemptible.
As the air to a fish or the sea to a camel, so is contempt to the contemptible.
As the horse counts pillows, so God rewards prayers.
As the plow follows words, so God rewards prayers.
As we can't write internationalisation or internationalization, we write i18n.
As you get old it gets floppy and lifeless.
Ask and it shall be given - for example, $4,000,000 for a shonky TV station.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee.
Ask your boss to reconsider - it's so hard to take `Go to hell' for an answer.
Ask your local Jesus franchise for further details.
Asleep east of Eden (2, 3, 4, 2, 3)
Ass: The masculine of `lass'.
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
At last! Cyanide without that dreadful taste!
At least I thought I was dancing, until somebody stepped on my hand.
At least it's a lovely day outside!
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Attitudes are more important than facts.
Auckland girl born and bred, strong in heart thick in head.
Auckland still lives. God must be dead.
Auckland: The Lagos of the South Pacific.
Auckland: The mating ground of the list MP.
Auckland: You either like it, or you were not born there.
Auckland? Yes, I spent a week there one day.
Aucklanders are people too. Yeah right.
Australian, "Bullfrog, that's a funny name. I'd have called it a Chuzzwuzza."
Aunty Rower, two heads?
Automobile: A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.
Avoid Quiet and Placid persons unless you are in Need of Sleep.
Avoid any wine with a childproof cap.
Avoid blue food.
Avoid reality at all costs.
Avoid shame but do not seek glory - nothing is so expensive as glory.
Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
BE ALERT! (The world needs more lerts...)
BLISS is ignorance.
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
Baboomavic!
Baby on board something something Bert Ward. Wow this songs writing itself.
Back to schooldays.
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
Backups? We doan *NEED* no steenking baX%^-,VbKx NO CARRIER
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
Baisse-moi, Monsieur?
Baldric, you have the intellectual capacity of a dirty potato.
Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare.
Bank error in your favour. Collect $200.
Bar steward.
Bashful Doc Dopey Grumpy Happy Sleepy Sneezy.
Basically New Zealand doesn't have a railway culture.
Bathed in shades of mediocrity.
Batteries not included.
Bbbbbbbbuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrpppppppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.
Be creative instantly.
Be different: conform.
Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! It won't get any better so get used to it.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.
Be your own revolution.
Beard Effluent Removal.
Beati mundo corde.
Beauty's only skin deep, but ugly's to the bone.
Because Y's a crooked letter.
Because he's my newt.
Because it rhymes with 'bank manager'.
Because the chain is longer.
Because they tell you what to buy, you do.
Because you look like Dustin Hoffman in drag.
Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, bought the hat.
Beep beep beep. The time is now ten o'clock, ten past ten at the latest.
Beethoven was so deaf he thought he was a painter.
Before you continue criticising it, may I mention that this was in fact my idea.
Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.
Behold the warranty...the bold print giveth and the fine print taketh away.
Being a layman, you can't grasp exactly what it does. We call it a two-by-four.
Being bisexual immediately doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night.
Being black feels good, and playing golf is the next step up.
Benificiary fraud is rife. Some beneficiaries are living off the system.
Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence.
Bert Cladbong is wearing Ronald Reagan's hair.
Bert Cladbong's real name is Paul Holmes.
Best file compression around: rm -r * = 100% compression
Beta: Greek for 'still doesn't work'
Better late than never, but better never late.
Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know.
Better three bullets in the buttocks than one in the head.
Better to have him inside the tent p*ssing out, than outside p*ssing in.
Better to live one day as a tiger than a thousand years as a sheep.
Beware geeks bearing gifts.
Beware of Jims bearing packages.
Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.
Beware of low-flying butterflies.
Beware of warriors wearing underpants.
Beware tennis players, for love means nothing to them.
Beware the Ides of March.
Beware the naked man who offers you his shirt.
Big boys DON'T cry.
Bigamy is having one wife too many, Monogamy is the same.
Bigger than a breadbox...smaller than an elephant.
Bill Stickers is innocent.
Bill, I think we should call it Virtual Reality.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques
Binary: Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.
Birds fly over the rainbow, why can't I?
Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.
Bish, bosh, get some dosh! Bish, bash, get some cash! W, X!
Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic.
Blad hemi stamba blong laef: Givim blad, sevem laef!
Blah dee blah dee blah dee blah!
Bless you.
Blessed are the cheese makers.
Blessed are the idiots for they keep the system going.
Blessed are the list MPs, for they shall talk crap.
Blessed are the meek, for they will do smelly farts.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown the door.
Blessed are the pacemakers, for they will be called the hearts of God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are the lawmakers, for they will be called sons of bitches.
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the pure of smoke, for they shall see God.
Blessed are they who go around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
Blessed are those who are persecuted, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness: they will be filled in.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed is she who expects nothing, for she shall never be disappointed.
Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.
Blood will flow and drink will spill.
Bob Fripp!
Boiled crap tastes just as sweet.
Bole Sri Sat Guru Dev Maharaj ki jai!
Bore: A person who talks when you wish her to listen.
Born and bred in the standpack file, Brer Fox!
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
Boy, that's a big nest!
Boys just want to have fun.
Brain not included.
Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think.
Brazil: Where the nuts come from.
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Bright as Alaska in December.
Brilliant work.
Bring out number, weight and measure in a year of dearth.
Bringing Common Sense to Computing.
British Railways Locomotives and Other Motive Power (Combined Volume)
Broad-mindedness: The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
Bronx, Brooklyn, Manhattan, Queen's, Staten Island
Bubble Memory: Derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence.
Buddy, can you spare a dime?
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
Bullshit sounds more believable with an american accent. (Evangelists guide book)
Bunnies are hovering.
Bunny bunny, bunny bunny, whoops bunny, whoops bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny.
Bureaucrat: A politician who has tenure.
Business Ethics - an oxymoron!
But meanwhile it is flying, irretrievable time is flying.
But what we need to know is, do people want nasally-insertable computers?
But when it comes down to fooling you, honey, that's quite a different subject.
Buy Big Boy condoms. As used by the virgin Mary.
Buy a Pentium 200 so you can reboot faster.
Buy me and stop one.
Buy two and keep one jump ahead.
Buy your bibles from Slimy Benny and go straight to Heaven.
By all means let Jesus into your heart. Just keep him out of your pocket.
By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task overwhelm you.
By letting go, it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go!
By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote.
By the glow of the gin soaked evangelist.
By their deeds shall you know them, not by their bullshit.
C code. C code run. Run code, run. Run, darnit! Run!
C combines the flexibility of assembler with the power of assembler.
C'est la vie, or as the French say, that's life!
C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
COBOL procedure error 204. Error loading main program.
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C. (Y/N)?
Caesar adsum iam forte. Crassus sed passus sum.
Cairo Titty, a fine exotic dancer at a give away price.
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
Can I do it just a little bit and wear glasses like my dad?
Can I have some sore butt, oops, I mean sherbet.
Can we not dream, if there were no Dave.
Can you paint with all the colours of the whinge?
Can you paint with all the colours of the wind?
Can you tell me where we're headin'? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
Can't recover, good bye!
Can't you see this barnyard guessing game is tearing us apart?
Cancel me not -- for what then shall remain?
Candy Is dandy But liquor Is quicker.
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
Cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. O.K. to fake it?
Cap slips.
Cap's lips.
Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
Careless listening costs valves.
Careless talk costs lives.
Carthorse really is an anagram of orchestra.
Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.
Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.
Cave cenam.
Caveat emptor.
Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
Celebrating 2000 years of bullshit.
Celebrating the Future.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Census Taker to Housewife: Did you ever have the measles, and, if so, how many?
Challenge. Responsibility. Acknowledgement. Pay.
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
Chappaquidick: `I'll miss that bridge when I come to it.'
Character Density: the number of very weird people in the office.
Cheap carpet is only cheap when you buy it.
Chemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
Chicago: Where the dead still vote...early and often!
Chicken Licken was right.
Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
Choose your rut carefully; you'll be in it for the next ten miles.
Christ: A man who died at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.
Christ: A man who was born at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.
Christmas cactus worship for pleasure and profit.
Cigarette: A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco between.
Civility costs nothing.
Civitatis fortuna cives.
Clah-boo-doo!
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
Clever work.
Clones are people two.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
Close enough for jazz.
Close the door on your way out.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Cocaine - the thinking man's Dristan.
Coffee before sex: a philosophy of life favoured by lexicographers.
Coffee drinkers, what a tangled web we weave!
Cold: When the local flashers are handing out written descriptions.
Cold: When the politicians walk around with their hands in their own pockets.
Collecting stamps for pleasure and profit.
Colourless green ideas sleep furiously.
Come fly the Friendly Skies.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Computer Science is merely the post-Turing decline in formal systems theory.
Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
Computer: a device designed to speed and automate errors
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
Computers aren't intelligent. They only think they are.
Computers can work faster than humans because they don't have to answer phones.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
Concept: Any idea for which an outside consultant billed you more than $25,000.
Conceptual aphorism: two wiggling fingers.
Condense soup, not books!
Confession is good for the soul.
Confession time, I'm a trifle dyslexic and I thought I'd subscribed to TitWorld.
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
Confound those who have said our remarks before us.
Confucius he say too ruddy much.
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Conserve wildlife. Pickle a squirrel today.
Consultant: A rat swimming towards a sinking ship.
Consultant: He knows forty-nine ways to make love but doesn't know any women.
Contradictions rule O.K. even when they don't.
Convince a woman against her will, she's of the same opinion still.
Cooks are amazing.How do they get the peas into a pod without making them mushy?
Cool bananas, daddy-o!
Cop you later.
Corker.
Correct me if I'm wrong, hasn't the fine line between sanity & madness got finer
Corrupt: In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
Count Up. The super market for the really weird.
Counting down to the 2000 Sydney Olympics and there's just 1197 days to go.
Country enterprises: pleasure and profit from home produce.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with her legs.
Creation myths kill.
Crime does not pay...as well as politics.
Criminal Lawyer: a tautology.
Cunning is the dark sanctuary of incapacity.
Curiosity mangled the cat.
Curiouser and curiouser.
Customers make paydays possible.
Cwm fjord bank glyphs vext quiz.
Cynic: One who looks through rose-coloured glasses with a jaundiced eye.
D'oh!
DEFGHIJKLMNO (5, 5)
DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
Daddy, what does `Formatting Drive C:' mean?
Daft buxom jonquil, zephyr's gawky vice.
Damn braces: Bless relaxes.
Damned if you do. Damned if you don't.
Dance to the music of oily Jim and the defectors.
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
Data, some datum. Darter, some fish (much loved by greens).
David Frost Special slick schmaltzy and ingratiating.
Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed.
Day of inquiry. You will be subpoenaed.
De doo doo doo - de daa daa daataa
Dear Chickie....
Dear Lord, give me patience...and give it to me now!
Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
Death is conquered though you slumber : seven is the perfect number.
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
Death is nature's way of recycling human beings.
Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Death is the only grammatically correct full stop.
Dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dee,
Default page width is 80 characters, or 132 characters if 80 is not wide enough.
Deliver no evil & live on revileD.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Democracy is three wolves and a sheep voting on what's for lunch.
Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes/no answer.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Despair is the price one pays for setting oneself an impossible aim.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Dick Van Dyke: a bit of a contradiction in terms!
Dick by name and Dick by nature.
Did I really say that?
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
Did you know...that no-one ever reads these things?
Did you not hear what I said.
Die: To stop sinning suddenly.
Different all twisty a of in maze are you, passages little.
Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
Dip her in the river who loves water.
Diplomacy is the art of saying `nice doggy' until you can find a rock.
Dirty Erlin. The poofter's friend.
Disc space - the final frontier!
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
Disk full - Press F1 to belch
Distress: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.
Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
Do it once, do it right, do it with pride.
Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
Do not adjust your hat.
Do not adjust your set.
Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.
Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
Do not drink coffee early in the morning. It keeps you awake until noon.
Do not meddle in the affairs of troff, for it is subtle and quick to anger.
Do not put statements in the negative form.
Do not read this aphorism under penalty of law.
Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
Do radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives?
Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you...but do it first.
Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
Do you have to be a dreamer to be on the dream team.
Do you hear the people sing?
Do you know where you're going to?
Do you mean Churchill or Peters?
Do you remember the year when citrus colours were in fashion?
Doctor, doctor, I've forgotten to take my contradictive pill.
Doctus in se semper divitias habet.
Document a bug and it becomes a feature.
Dodo: a dead flightless bird. Bimbo: a brain dead flighty bird.
Does anyone know what day the 'Thursday Trader' is published?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Dogs good. Cats bad.
Don't abandon hope: your Tom Mix decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
Don't bargain for fish that are still in the water.
Don't be a dreamer, try Radio Reamer.
Don't be a loon, try Radio Hoon.
Don't be a pratt, try Radio Rat.
Don't be afraid to ask dumb questions-They're easier than dumb problems.
Don't be happy. Worry.
Don't be humble, you're not that great.
Don't be ridiculous! They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Don't believe everything you read, especially if it's on the Internet.
Don't bother.
Don't cook tonight - starve a rat today!
Don't count your chickens before they are laid.
Don't do it yet.
Don't eat my children. Baa.
Don't eat my children. Moo.
Don't fear the Reaper.
Don't feed the bats tonight.
Don't feel you must finish everything on your plate. You can eat it later.
Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
Don't forget the diver.
Don't forget young Jan Palak : he burnt a torch against the Warsaw Pact.
Don't get bogged down.
Don't get fooled by the comments - they can be very misleading. Debug only code.
Don't get mad - get even.
Don't give me no jive, I've got enough trouble just staying alive.
Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.
Don't invite drug addicts round for a meal on boxing day.
Don't it make my brown eye blue?
Don't it make my brown eyes blue?
Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
Don't let the best you have done so far be a standard for the rest of your life.
Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
Don't make me a martyr, give me some darter.
Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
Don't play stupid with me - I'm better at it!
Don't rely on lies.
Don't say yes until I finish talking.
Don't shoot me, I'm only the Hoon.
Don't shoot me, I'm only the piano player.
Don't stand so close to me.
Don't step on my blue suede shoes.
Don't stick stickers on my paper knickers.
Don't stop, never give up, you've gotta carry on 'til you reach the top.
Don't take life too seriously - you'll never get out of it alive.
Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends - tell me where to get wax.
Don't tell me that I didn't warn you.
Don't think twice, it's alright.
Don't try to sed before you can awk.
Don't turn your back on Jesus.
Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
Don't vote - the Government will get in anyway.
Don't wait for your ship to come in. Swim out to meet it.
Don't whinge for me Argentina.
Don't whling that stick at me.
Don't worry about feeling so wretched. At least you're not pregnant.
Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
Don't worry, it's not loaded.
Don't worry. Be happy.
Don't you are ashamed to give me a jade as like.
Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
Don't you know that it's different for girls.
Don't you know what good clean fun is? No, what good is it?
Don't you wonder sometimes about sound and vision?
Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
Dorothy, I don't think this is Kansas.
Doubt grows in knowledge.
Down with categorical imperatives!
Downwind of a burning marijuana plantation.
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Drink Canada Dry....well I'll have a go.
Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
Drive your cart and your plow over the bones of the dead.
Droopy drawers is coming to town.
Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!
Dumb end user.
Dung can make your flowers grow.
During my life I have worried about many things, most of which never happened.
Dwyer by name and Dwyer by nature.
E Pluribus Modem
E-Mail returned to sender....insufficient voltage
ERROR *E*E*E* Dynamic free variable used *E*E*E*
Each tablet contains 200mg of ibuprofen and a hundred bytes of filler.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Early smirk.
Earn cash in your spare time - blackmail your friends.
Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun.
Earth is full. Go home.
Easy peasy simple lemon squeezy!
Eat my shorts.
Eating words has never given me indigestion.
Eating, sleeping, screwing, spewing, defecating, ultimately passing away time.
Ebony and ivory, living in perfect harmony.
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J. K. Galbraith.
Economists tell you tomorrow why what they said yesterday didn't happen today.
Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.
Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in herself than me.
Eight megabytes Toulouse
Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees.
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Einstein was doubly wrong. God does play dice and sometimes He hides the outcome
Eisenhower was very nice, Nixon was his only vice.
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance (present company excepted).
Electrocution: Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
Elevators smell different to midgets.
Endless Loop: see Loop, Endless.
Engagement: One step closer to divorce.
England, the mother country. Aunty Rower, the relative country.
English Bislama French German Hindi Kiswahili Italian Latin Serbian Spanish
Enjoy your companion's food.
Enjoy your food.
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Equal bytes for women.
Eric.
Erlin Cluck is not Donald Duck's mother. She just sounds like it.
Erlin Cluck's real name is Helen Clark.
Error reading FAT record: Try the skinny one? (Y/N)
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
Es brilig war. Die schlichte Toven wirrten und wimmelten in Waben.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Eternity is a terrible thought, I mean, when's it going to end?
Eternity is in love with the productions of time.
Ethernet; Something to catch the etherbunny.
Evangelists like Joyce Meyers give gin drinking a bad name.
Even if I never become the ugliest prime minister I will still be ugly.
Even if you learn to speak correct English, to whom shall you speak it?
Even the best of IF's have to END-IF sometime.
Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.
Even the darkest hour has fourteen minutes of commercials.
Even when you're born, there's a string attached.
Ever seen a stealth bomber?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
Every 4 seconds a woman has a baby. Our problem is to find her and stop her.
Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
Every country has the government it deserves.
Every day is a winding road.
Every dog has his day. Every bitch has her day.
Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own.
Every man at 3 years old is half his height.
Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse.
Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
Every rose has its thorn.
Every solution breeds new problems.
Every thing possible to be believed is an image of truth.
Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.
Every time an apple bruises - New Zealand loses!
Every time an apple bruises - a little girl waits.
Every woman deserves a middle husband that she can forget.
Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.
Everybody has 20/20 hindsight.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
Everybody must get stoned.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Everybody's got a Humphrey fart.
Everybody's got a hungry heart.
Everyone considered him the Coward of the County.
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
Everyone is dragged on by their favourite pleasure.
Everyone talks about apathy, but no one does anything about it.
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
Everything comes if a man will only wait.
Everything counts in large amounts.
Everything depends. Nothing is always. Everything is sometimes.
Everything has to be wrong.
Everything human is pathetic, the secret source of humour is not joy but sorrow.
Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
Everything you know is wrong!
Everything you wanted to know about sccs, but were afraid to ask.
Evri samting yu wantem save long Bislama be yu fraet tumas blong askem.
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
Excellent day for drinking heavily. Spike office water cooler.
Excellent day to have a rotten day.
Excellent day to pass the buck. Fart loudly and blame it on the cat.
Excellent time to become a missing person.
Excellent work.
Excess of sorrow laughs. Excess of joy weeps.
Excessive login or logout messages are a sure sign of senility.
Excuse me for butting in but I'm interrupt driven.
Expand your attention span with TM, & concentrate longer on what you don't enjoy
Expect poison from the standing water.
Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.
Expense Accounts: Corporate food stamps.
Experience is a hard teacher, because she gives the test first, the lesson last.
Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
Expert: knows bad mistakes that can be made in the subject and avoids them.
Exuberance is Beauty.
FECK ARSE DRINK!
FUNEX? SVFX! FUNEM? SVFM! MNXPPP!
Failure is success if we learn from it.
Faint heart never won fair lady. Come to think of it, it never won much at all.
Fairy Tale: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
Faith: That quality which enables us to believe what we know to be untrue.
False hopes and wasted dreams.
Familiarity breeds attempt.
Famous last words:
Fanaticism consists of redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim.
Fantastic work.
Far away is close at hand in the images of elsewhere.
Far queue.
Fashion is ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
Fats Loves Madelyn.
Fear is the mother of violence.
Feedback is the breakfast of champions.
Feel disillusioned? I've got some great new illusions.
Fell out of the family tree.
Few women of action have made a graceful exit at the appropriate time.
File not found. Do you really care? (Y/N)
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Filming for pleasure and profit.
Filth: `Failed in London, Try Hong Kong.'
Fine day to throw a party. Throw her as far as you can.
Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.
Fishing: a stick and a string with a worm at one end, and a fool at the other.
Five Germans are more stupid than one.
Five components for an ideal vacation: sun, sea, sand and surf.
Fix it now! I'm off to the gym.
Flat out like a lizard drinking.
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.
Flowers need light if they're going to bloom.
Follow your bliss.
Follow your dreams unless its the one where you're at work with no pants on.
Folly is the cloak of Knavery. Shame is Pride's Cloak.
Food for thought.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Fools gladly go where angels fear to tread.
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
For a good time, call 0900 45085. Children, ask your parents first.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.
For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.
For further information, visit Affco's home page at http://www.affco.co.nz/
For good times, call 0800 BAD100 & ask for Girlie. She is waiting for your call.
For information on caller display, call 0800 BIGBRO during working hours.
For safety, Air NZ 737s are replaced by some from Polynesian and Air Nauru.
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
For some reason, this aphorism reminds everyone of Agatha Christie.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.
For the snark was a boojum, you see.
For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like.
Foreigners have Sex, the British have hot water bottles.
Forethought is easy, repentance hard.
Forgive that you Christian bastard! Ancient Roman taunt.
Forgive your enemies, but remember their names.
Formula for living: morning get up, night go to bed, between occupy yourself.
Four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable and praiseworthy...
Four legs good, two legs bad.
Four legs good, two legs better.
Four out of five linguists couldn't tell talk from mutter.
Four out of five people are more in need of rest than exercise.
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
Free love: free guilt, free std's, free pregnancies, etc
Free parking - only $100.
Free the Indianapolis 500!
Freemasonry says more about you than American Express ever could.
French key, French key, French key (6, 4)
Freudian slip: Instead of pass the salt I said Dad, you ruined my life you basta
Friday is frog fanciers frolic day. That should be a cause for great cheer.
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Friends don't let friends drive naked.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Friends, Romans, Hipsters, Let me clue you in.
Friendship may often grow into love but love never subsides into friendship.
>From hell, Hull and Halifax, good Lord deliver us.
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
Garbage In - Gospel Out.
Garlic every day keeps everyone away.
Gary Larson worked here!
Gary Larson's jokes are all recyclable.
Gas is cheaper than electricity, until you begin to use it!
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.
Gendarmes are not police - they are soldiers.
Genius does what it must, and talent does what it can.
Genius is only greater aptitude for patience.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Genius: A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with `bright'.
George Orwell was an optimist.
German men live by the sweat of their fraus.
Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
Get a hat.
Get a life.
Get a life. When you've done that, get an afterlife.
Get a loaf. Then, get another loaf.
Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
Get a real job in Hastings.
Get a wife.
Get forgiveness now - tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
Get off my back, and come to that, how did I get to this side of the road?
Get your kicks on Route 66.
Gin and Christianity, an explosive mixture.
Girl Guides: They're appealing to you.
Girls just want to have fun.
Give Fluffy to me.
Give a little whistle.
Give him half a bottle of gin and he will evangelise the world.
Give it everything you've got.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities.
Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
Given a choice between sex and train-spotting, I know which one I'd choose.
Glaswegian wearing a tie: 'The accused'
Go 'way! You're bothering me!
Go ahead, punk! Make my day!
Go for it! For the next hour you may squeeze your farts out.
Go for it! For the next hour you may whinge your heart out.
Go smash an egg.
Go up to my bedroom. If I'm not there in half an hour, carry on without me.
Go walking mindlessly forward, never mind what's going on.
God bless you Auntie Rower.
God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
God is a polytheist.
God is alive and selling bibles in the southern states of America.
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
God is not all powerful, for He cannot make a rock He cannot lift.
God is not dead! He's alive and autographing bibles at Whitcoulls.
God is real, unless declared integer.
God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.
God isn't dead, He just couldn't find a parking place.
God just screwed around for five days and then pulled an all-nighter on Friday.
God made machine language; all the rest is the work of humanity.
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
God made the integers; all else is the work of humanity.
God made the world in six days, and was arrested on the seventh.
God may be subtle, but He isn't plain mean.
God must love the Common Man; He made so many of them.
Goldfish do not bounce.
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Good advice is something one gives when too old to set a bad example.
Good afternoon. I'm from the Government. I'm here to help you.
Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
Good day to avoid cops. Crawl to school.
Good day to let down old friends who need help.
Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
Good news for deaf people. Meatloaf has just released a new album.
Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's new lover.
Good work.
Good, clean fun is still boring the next day.
Good, clean fun is still fun the next day.
Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.
Goods that are much on show lose their colour.
Gordons gin. As drunk to excess by 9 out of 10 television evangelists.
Gosh is great.
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
Gotta go. The lab called: my brain is ready.
Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
Government to ease Homosexual Bill's passage.
Graduate life - it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
Granddad, how did that man say his Granddad helped God put shells on Everest?
Gravity is a myth, Kim Hill Earth sucks.
Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
Great events make me quiet and calm; only the trifles irritate my nerves.
Great moments in science: Einstein discovers time is actually money.
Great news Erlin. The ugly pills are working.
Grow up or throw up.
Growing flowers in New Zealand for pleasure and profit.
Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.
Guns don't kill people : Kim Hill kills people.
Guns don't kill people : guns make people interesting.
Guns don't kill people : people kill people.
Guru MacKenzie. Typing the lines of a program that noone will run; Isn't it fun?
Guy Fawkes was the only man to enter Parliament with honest intent.
Guy fed by work, quiz Jove's xanthic lamp.
HIJKLMNO (5)
Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge.
Hakuna Matata.
Half Moon tonight. (At least it's better than no Moon at all.)
Half of what I say is meaningless.
Handle people better by using their feelings than by convincing their reason.
Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.
Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.
Happiness may well consist primarily of an attitude toward time.
Happy idiot day bisset.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Hardly any sets of a thousand words can be adequately described with pictures.
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
Hark! I hear the cannon roar!
Hark! I hear the cannon rut! The swine.
Harry Historyburger.
Has Auntie Rower been out in the sun too long?
Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
Hasselblad camera for sale. Nearly new. One owner. As is, where is.
Haste is the sister of repentance.
Hat size not numeric or impossibly large. Please try again.
Hating people is like burning down your house to get rid of a rat.
Hatred: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.
Have a day.
Have a good day in the Bay.
Have a very happy holiday.
Have hat, will travel.
Have several nice days.
Have whinge, will travel.
Have you driven a Ford lately?
Have you ever tried pushing a marshmallow into a money box?
He ain't heavy, he's my brother.
He bugs us wherever he is, because he is bald!
He calls himself a Roo nunger but he has never nunged a Roo in his life.
He didn't just smash the record - he made it into a CD.
He died when his microwave crashed into the Atlantic ocean.
He drank four gallons of coffee and next morning was found dead in his wigwam.
He gives joy to Joy.
He had an abundance of don't-testosterone.
He had the slightly puzzled look of a list programmer.
He has a bigger one than anyone else.
He heard you the first time!
He hides his dimness under a bushel.
He jumped a chicken.
He lives firm in the belief that God loves idiots.
He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.
He shot, he missed, he must be bloody mad. Charlie George!
He speaks menglish like a weather forecaster.
He speaks to me as if I were a public meeting.
He spoke with the slightly absurd accent of a weather forecaster.
He that would govern others, first should be master of himself.
He was a good man, in the worst sense of the term.
He was a known poofter user.
He was a true (non poofter) Hero.
He was so boring that if his life flashed before his eyes, he wouldn't be in it.
He was the first ever self evident
He who gets up early gets lucky twice.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
He who meditates is lost.
He won't get run over while he's wearing that shirt.
He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
He's so dense, light bends around him.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Hear affirmative action at work. Listen to Kim Hill.
Heisenberg may have slept here.
Helen Clark was having another bad accent day.
Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
Hell, no, if I'd wanted that I'd have ordered it.
Hello Ducky.
Hello Mrs. Gobstopper.
Hello my name is big Julie, How about a cuddle?
Hello treacle toes.
Hello, I love you, won't you tell me your name?
Help I'm modeming.. and I can't hang up!
Help a swallow land at Capistrano.
Help reduce the road toll. Drive on the pavement.
Help the lonely. Support different species marriage.
Help! Help! A heffalump, a horrible heffalump.
Her handwriting gives an unfair advantage to those who have studied Arabic.
Her mind is like a steel trap - full of mice.
Her reaction was unexpected, though not as we had expected it to be unexpected.
Her super power is to turn into a scotch terrier.
Here is another trouser load of teenager to cheer you up.
Here we go gathering nuts and may.
Here's to you Mrs. Davidson, Jesus loves you more than you will know.
Hero, hetro, list MP; it's all rock and roll to me.
Hexadecimal: Number system favoured by one legged males.
Hey Forrest! Engage brain before opening mouth.
Hey! You left me the wrong key!
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's off to whinge we go.
Hi! I'm Sess!!! (Margreat: ask Ian)
Hi, Mom!
Hibernation is a four letter word with eleven letters.
Hickory dickory dock, three mice ran up the clock.
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
Hindsight is an exact science.
Hire the morally handicapped.
Hiroshima!
His elevator doesn't go to the top floor.
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
History doesn't repeat itself - historians merely repeat each other.
History is an endless repetition of the wrong way of living.
History repeats itself. That's one thing wrong with history.
Hit any user to continue.
Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it.
Hollywood: a place where the inmates are in charge of the asylum.
Home is where the heart is.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defence.
Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom, Please feel free to upchuck.
Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.
Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
Honk if you hate bumper stic