Oh God. somebody kill me please

[Golden1]

working as i do (and i'm sure several other people around here do) on a help desk there are times that i really wish we didn't sell to complete Newbies...

for example...
Caller : I have a problem with my Computer ... can you help me...

me: could you be a bit more specific....

caller: I cant print....

me: ok.. do you get any error messages...

caller no.

me: ok, What happens when you click on print...

Caller : nothing.

me: ok. is the printer turned on?

Caller: i dont know.

me: are there any lights on, on the printer.

customer : there's a green light, a red light and a yellow light...

me: are any of them lit ?

cust: no

me: ok, do a self test. Unplug it form the computer, and hold down form feed

Caller: which one is that. the one with "power" written next to it ?

Me: no... how about the one labeled "Form Feed". the one with the little picture of bit of paper....

caller: oh . hang on
(various clunking sound in b/g )
Right, it printed something.. it says "acme" printer self test...

me: right, i want you to re-start the computer in safe mode..

cust: how'd i do that?

me: go to the start menu, select shut down, then restart.
when the machien starts to re-start, keep tapping F8.

caller: <sound of machine shutting down.) sounds of rampant key taping. (sounds like he's using a small industrial Pneumatic drill).. "nothing is happening"

me: is the computer turned on?

Cust : (sounds of computer powering up) (windows sound) (Key tapping) (comnputer Beeping in Complaint) "nothings happening"

me: were you tapping f8 WHILST the computer was re-starting?

cust: (sounds of machine shutting down) (Sounds of machine starting up again) (keys being tapped) (Keyboard Buffer full sounds) (Windows sound) "nothings happening"

me: ok... what were you pressing whils the computer was starting up ?

customer: erm.. F, then 8

me (mute) Ahhrg. (live) ok.. lets do this one step at a time.

15 (fifteen) minutes later, we eventually get in to safe mode.

ok. Double Click on my computer.

there's a list of all these documents....

ok. close that. Double Click on "MY COMPUTER"

There's all these document...

sir, is there an Icon there called MY computer. ?

yes..

And are you doulble clicking on it?

no...

Could you please click on it... twice....

ermm.. there's all these documents..

..

(20 minutes later)

Sir, Find your reload disk. put it in the CD rom drive, and restart the computer.

then call us back
<disconnect>

Sadly, this guy was one of the smarter callers i had today.

Somebody, any body. Kill me. please..




Madness is a state of mind.

Like Idaho.

 

[4Ryan6]

You have my sympathys, I don't think I could do your job, but somebody has to do it%%%%%%*****&&&&&((((#$)@!!!
Have a nice day!

 

[dhlucke]

That sucks. I hope you get paid decently.

<font color=red>God</font color=red> <font color=blue>Bless</font color=blue> <font color=red>America!</font color=red>

 

[Arrow]

At least 3/4 of your life is away from work.

Rob
Please visit <b><A HREF="http://www.ncix.com/canada/about.php?affiliateid=319048" target="_new">http://www.ncix.com/canada/about.php?affiliateid=319048</A></b>

 

[OldBear]

Your wish is my command.

<b>B A N G !</b>

Happy now?

Oh! Sorry you can't talk anymore.

:lol:


<b><font color=blue> I took an I.Q. test today...It came back negative.</font color=blue></b> :lol:

 

[Golden1]

it gets worse.

Some people just shouldn't have computers. At all.


I think we should just sell etch-a-scetch's.

Tech support for those is easy ...

"How do i create a new documents" "Just shake the screen"

How do i reset it "just shake the screen"

How do i save a document "Dont shake the screen"....

Talk is Cheap.
shall I addit to the Bill?

 

[Arrow]

I think some people might get confused by that.

Rob
Please visit <b><A HREF="http://www.ncix.com/canada/about.php?affiliateid=319048" target="_new">http://www.ncix.com/canada/about.php?affiliateid=319048</A></b>

 

[OldBear]

Most people stay confused. They buy a computer and say "Now what do I do with it?'


<b><font color=blue> I took an I.Q. test today...It came back negative.</font color=blue></b> :lol:

 

[labdog]

what's a pity, this language!!
sad, no, isnt it ?!?


<i>if <b>you know</b> <font color=white>you don't know<font color=black>, the way could be more easy ...<font color=red>

 

[toss5000]

Aren't you glad you don't have to float through life being that ignorent.

- - - -
Kill a man and you're a murderer;
Kill many and you're a conquerer;
Kill 'em all and you're a god.

 

[groth2757]

I bet everybody here is the guy/girl in which family members and friends flocks to for help on thier computer also. If I had a lot of money I would sign them all up for basic computing classes. As for you Golden, I feel for ya man. There should be a mandatory test people have to take in order to purchase a computer.

<font color=blue>Can anyone help me overclock my girlfriend's love toy?<font color=blue>

 

[O_Agios]

ROLF
its not you that needs to be killed but the caller
ahahhaa

 

[flamethrower205]

My God! You're superhuman! Seriously, I don't think I could even stand one call like that- I'd start cursing my head off at the guy and tell him to get a brain.

dusijtpmo- don't use stupid internet jibberish to piss me off

 

[buddry]

This isn't as bad, but I had a user recently that had to reboot thier PC. They called me saying they had an disk error and it wouldn't boot up. The problem was that there was a floppy in th floppy drive. These people have PCs at home too. They really make me wonder sometimes.

<font color=blue>I want to save the world for my children, but not my children's children, because children shouldn't be having sex. - Deep Thought</font color=blue>

 

[flamethrower205]

Hahahahha! My friend did that too nearly a year ago. He called me up and I though of sh!t, windows is dead. Then I asked him if there was a disk in the drive, he says I dun think so but I'll check. Lo and behold, there was.

dusijtpmo- don't use stupid internet jibberish to piss me off