The most stupid statement contest!

Hi to everybody.

This post is intended to make us smile a little. Probably you have found some guy selling computers in a computer stores that are incredible. How can they manage to know SO little about what they are selling? What kind of test they do to select and hire people?

This one happens to me. I was looking for DDR, CAS 2, brand name, good price, etc. Going for store to store, one guy, before I can explain what I was looking for, try to convince me about the "really good RAM" they have for an Athlon CPU.

Smart guy - "Hey, think that this is DDR, meaning double rate. Imagine you can buy a 256Mb module but because it's DDR, it's double, almost like 512Mb!".

Me - "¿¿¿#???" - I was shocked, my face disfigured.
Smart guy - "Yes, incredible isn't it? It's like buying at half price or having double RAM for the same price, compared to normal RAM"

Me - Thinking "The incredible is that you are STILL working here, my God!" - Saying "Ok, I will think about it. Thank you. Bye"

Then I though how many people would have been "teached" wrong for that guy. Better to laugh than to cry.

DIY: read, buy, test, learn, reward yourself!

I had a friend who worked in a well know british computer store. Anyway he was trying to sell a computer to this couple and the customer asks, can I put my own expansion cards in there, how many free PCI slots?

my friend - I am not sure if PCI slots come as standard?

He then spotted me and ran over to ask, will that computer have PCI slots?

Looking at him as if he should be shot is say - ofcourse there ****ing well is!,

My friend goes back to the customer to tell him his new found knowledge, and the customer says " I will think about it" and walks out looking shocked with the little training they recieve.

When My parents where buying a laptop I would go with them, they would go into the shop and I would talk them through it all, the assistants would come up and say I can see you need no help but would you like to buy something. One time I had an arguement with the sales assistant over the fact the 10GB HDD was not the same as the actually RAM memory in the system, and that nearly no systems in the world have 10GB RAM!!!.

These companies like tiny(UK) and time(UK) really should not be selling computers at all, leave it to the experts. I have a dell laptop, mainly because the people on the other end of the phone knew what I wanted and what they were on about.

Finally....
I worked in a computer rooms at a school and one of the teachers went to pick up some computer parts for the new server. DDR ram etc. What does the company supply DDR ram for an SDR motherboard, they assummed the ram was the same size!

It may not be the most stupid computer salesman quote but it really shocked me when I heard it.

A few months ago, when I was shopping for my current computer, I inquired about 333MHz DDR capable motherboards available, it was a few week before the KT333 was to hit the streets in Montréal.

So I went to the clerk, looking at their price list and I asked him if he knew when such boards and good brand name ( CAS 2 ) memory modules were to be available in his store, He told me that he did'nt knew and asked me "Why do you want it for anyway ?" I stared at him a few seconds, not knowing if he was joking or not, I tried to explain him the performance difference between 266MHz DDR and 333MHz DDR and how a 166 MHZ FSB can help a CPU get more bandwidth if you unlock it to a lower multiplier. This time, he was the one staring at me. He told me that he don't think his store will ever get a motherboard like this and he walked away.

That day, I promised myself to never thrust those guys, no way I let one of them close enough to touch a compupter that I'll be using !

Fok Speling Misstake

I work at a help desk, and I've gotten some fun calls.

1) Someone called convinced that his windows 98 machine was having printer problems. (It was an I-Mac)

2) "What's a floppy disk?"

3) I got a tech support call from someone who had plugged their UPS into itself.

4) "My cup holder won't come out of my computer." (Yes, I have gotten one of these calls)

5) "My computer holder is making strange noises." The computer holder was the actual computer. The person thought that the monitor that was sitting on top of it was the computer.

6)
Customer:"My computer won't power on"
Me: "Can you check in the back and make sure it's pluged in?"
Customer: "I can't see back there, we have a power outage."
(Ok, I got this one from a friend, but I know he got this call)

I've got more I'll post later.

English is phun.

I heard about a power outage one from a guy at dell, he got fired cos he swore at the customer :-P.

I do like the ups plugged into itself, it would be interesting to find out how long it would run like that :-P

     

<i>if you know you don't know, the way could be more easy ...</i>

rofl


<i>if you know you don't know, the way could be more easy ...</i>

Back when I was in High school we always had teachers and administrators having problems with thieir cd drives not reading the cds. Everytime it was becasue the cd was in the drive upsidedown. We eventually had to label every computer in the school system with a note of how to put the cd in.

interestingly enough students never had these problems...

LMAO and ROFL because I got 3 of those, or similar problems, from just one customer, call him Software Designer Joel.

1. Joel, "I can't put any floppies in the drive."

- There was a piece of ruler jammed in the floppy drive. The floppy that was already in the drive was torn to shreds and the drive was warped.

The amazing thing is Joel had forgotten that this happened the previous day and couldn't understand why his floppy disk wouldn't fit, today.

2. Joel, "My computer keeps shutting off".

- The computer was on the same circuit with the light switch and Joel wanted to work in the dark. (I think he is accustomed to being in the dark).

3. "My keyboard is only typing in Caps".

- Obvious! (except to Joel).

I have two more from Software Designer Joel.

Joel liked to bring his own Microsoft Natural keyboard to work. Three times I got a call that his keyboard wasn't working. All three times he had forgotten to swap the keyboard cable. He just moved the other keyboard to make room for his own.

The last story is about Joel but it's not computer related. It does help one understand Joel (if one can).

One night I was working late (configuring laptops I think). I smelled smoke! I ran around the corner to see smoke billowing from the toaster in the kitchenette. I pull the plug and see there are two bagel halves wedged in each of the toaster's slots. I leave everything for the culprit to see.

I go back to work, get busy, and forget all about it.

An hour later, maybe two, more smoke! Again a bagel wedged in the toaster! This time Software Designer Joel enters and asks, "Why does it keep doing that? It (notice he said 'it') burned two bagels today and two yesterday".

I explained how a toaster has a spring mechanism and that it won't work properly if something is wedged in the slots. Joel replies, "That explains why I keep burning bagels at home. I guess I don't need to buy any more toasters".

<b>Are we all shaking our heads now ?</b>

There's a footnote to these stories.

Twice I was called into the manager's office. Each time I was asked why we had been receiving so many similar calls from one customer.

I was acused of not properly fixing the problems or not properly explaining the resolutions to Joel!

Joel was a software designer by profession but was college trained as some sort of mechanical engineer. [It's just too scarry to think about this!]

<b>I have so many cookies I now have a FAT problem!</b>

rotfmao........good as this ones....

Guy call me up at work for tech support, I got stuck in there one day.

Guy: Hey I just got my computer and its beautiful, but I have a question.

Me: Ok, what is your question.

Guy: ok, there is a rectangler thing above the power button I think, what is that?

Me: (thinking, WTF is he talking about) Ok sir, give me a little more information about this, describe it better to me.

Guy: Its rectangle, has a slot opening and what looks like a button.

Me: (lightbulb goes on; floppy drive) That is your floppy drive sir.

Guy: Oh thanks a million, wait what's a floppy?

Me: (@#%@$^!#@$%^@$#%!%$^@!#$^) You know disketts? 1.44 meg media? That is where you put them, The disk drive reads them and allows you to get your data.....etc.......

He was very thankful and called back 30 minutes later to talk to another tech and asked the same questions.....


MeldarthX

He was probably an i-mac user

English is phun.

I had someone yell at me because i told them i couldn't install windows '98 on their iMac

(bb || !bb) - Shakespeare

W00t you go chuck, stick it to em.

The Cash Left In My Pocket,The BEST Benchmark

I understand some users are overly stupid and should not be allowed near anything sharper than a pillow or anything heavier than a feather, for the safety of themselves and that of the public. But, things aren't like that and we do apparently live in a "free" world. So people who use computers aren't required to be trained in using them. I, thus, don't agree with the statement "X doesn't know what that part of the computer does. X is stupid."

However, sales and tech people are supposedly trained in their job and so should know what they're talking about. So, I totally endorse taking the total piss out of them. In the DOS days (Mostly in Dixons as there was one near my school), I used to write a simple bat file on the PC, name it win.bat, put it in c:\windows\ and delete win.com. The results were hilarious.

Nowadays if I go to PC World or something, and someone comes up to me trying to sell me something, I listen with great interest. Let them spend time on me. Then when they think they've convinced me, I usually say "I'm sorry, I'm gonna go now." That usually pisses them off. Which is fun ofcourse.

<b><font color=red>I'm a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.</font color=red></b>

I prefer the:

"Can I help you?"

"No thanks, I prefer to bugger things up by myself".

<b><font color=blue>~ What do you mean "It isn't working!"...Now where's my sonic screwdriver? ~ </font color=blue></b>

I had a part time job at a computer store once, and these are some of the things that happened...

1. Once a guy called in, said that he couldn't insert a floppy disc into the floppy drive. He said that he needed the computer urgently so he wanted us to send a guy there. So my friend went there, it ended up that there was already a floppy disc in the drive... quickest onsite job he has ever done. The guy got charged for one hour (company policy).

2. There was a guy who bought an Athlon 1Ghz (best at that time), a motherboard, some ram and a case. We said we can set it up for him free of charge, but he insisted to do it on his own. Later the day, he returned and said when he turned on the machine, the psu exploded. After we opened up the case, we were shocked. I had no idea how he did it, but he managed to screw the motherboard onto the metal plate (in the case) without any 'screw holder?' (dunno the exact word, English isn't my first language) between the motherboard and the metal plate. Of course the motherboard was short circuited and hence the huge spark.....

3. You know how those OEM pack Windows have their CD-KEY on a sticker, which are supposed to be sticked somewhere around the case (used to be back and now on the side of the case). Sometimes some customers will complaint that it is hard to read, so we will give them the sicker so they can stick it anywhere they want. There was this guy who decided to put it on the Windows CD (who knows why), and since the sticker is quite thick, the CDROM drive will make weird noise when reading that CD. So he decided to scrape the sticker with a knife (a pretty sharp one I assume).... Well, the sticker was gone, so is that part of the CD (Became transparent).

4. One guy wanted to return a faulty AMD motherboard, cos according to him, the BIOS won't allow him to set the FSB to anything higher than 166 and he WANTED 266....... I wonder what could have happened if we sold him a P4...

Hmmm... that sounds like me. Although I never deleted my registry files..... except that one time when I got mad....

Falling down stairs saves time

Not as bad as me telling a customer "just bring the computer in, I don't need any of the other parts", then they show up with a monitor. I tell them "this is the monitor, not the computer, it doesn't compute anything, what I needed was the BOX that sit's next to it". They say, "Oh, you mean the MODEM" and bring in the computer!

<font color=blue>At least half of all problems are caused by an insufficient power supply!</font color=blue>

man, you tech guys must be raging alcoholics i couldn't do it. by now i would have taken myself out and a few with me.

i got the fastest woodburning stove this side of, oh wait, it's just my dual amds

You just get me the bluprint and a few security clearance cards to the big bank of yours, and I'll take care of all the executive staff that are bothering you. deal?

<b><font color=red>I'm a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.</font color=red></b>

I think the scariest personal experience I had was at a local computer shop here in Oz...

I had dropped in to ask about a new system. There was a young git, ranting on to a middle-aged man about a certain system. Being too polite to interrupt, I waited and of course, listened.

Git: This system is great! You can play games, edit videos and music, surf the net, with no hassles at all with ths Pentium 4 processor in this baby.

Buyer: Sounds good... edit videos, really?

Git: Yep! It comes with a heap of memory... 128 megs...

I guffawed.

Git (continuing): SDRAM

I choke.

Git (continuing): and using windows XP...

At this time, I groaned. Both Git and Buyer look me, and just wave benignly, pretending I'm coughing. I then add...

Me: And I bet it comes with a great TNT 2 graphics card, huh?

Git: Why yes it does.

This is where I lose it completely, and I turn to leave the store. I overhear the customer say something about "Isn't he rude!" and the Git say quietly "Probably some hot-shot who thinks he knows everything".

Now that was a challenge if I ever heard one.

I got immense satisfaction from telling the Git that for a start, SDRAM with a Pentium-4 was like driving a Ferrari only in first gear, that Windows XP needs a bare minimum of 256 meg of ram, 512 preferential, and for video editing a meg would be the way to go, explained to him the RDRAM and DDR-SDRAM standards, then told him exactly how outdated his graphics "solution" was, the requirement of two Hard-drives for video editing and, no, 20 gig is *not* enough. Customer by now was looking worried, Git was looking pissed, and that was when Git let fly with the corker...

Git: So I suppose you're going to tell me he needs a super-fast *12x* CD ROM as well?

Stunned, I told the cutomer to please leave and take his money to somewhere where they weren't 2 years in the past, and I left... yikes!

-

I plugged my ram into my motherboard, but unplugged it when I smelled cooked mutton.

lol sure I'll get right on it.

Jeff

I usually tell them to bring in the box with the pop out cupholder tray.

<font color=blue>At least half of all problems are caused by an insufficient power supply!</font color=blue>

LOL!

You're right crash - many people don't really know what that "box" is for.

<i>It's always the one thing you never suspected.</i>

I can't recall Joel's last name but I am sure he will be famous wherever he goes.

Who is Rifkin?

<b>I have so many cookies I now have a FAT problem!</b>