Do ya want to play some FootBall!!!

Today is tha Apple Cup and I thought you all might like a few laughs.

Go Dawgs!

You heard of the Cougar who broke his leg raking leaves?
He fell out of a tree....

--Trent Tvrdy, Seattle



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Q: Why did the wazzu grad cover her ears?
A: She was trying to hold in a thought!

--Erin Waltner, Seattle



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Did you hear about the student who transferred from Washington to Washington State and raised the IQ of both Universities?

-- John Porter, UW class of 64



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Q: What do you call a 250 pound Cougar cheerleader?
A: Anorexic.

Q: What does a Cougar grad call a Husky grad?
A: Boss.

--Richard Ross, Seattle



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Helpful life long skills checklist presented to each graduating senior at the WSU Commencement Ceremony

1. If you're bidding on a job for UPS, don't send your bid by FedEx.
2. If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
3. If you want your refrigerator's ice maker to work, you need to hook it to a water source. Air doesn't make good ice unless it is mixed with water.
4. No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.
5. A bad place to store your emergency backup diskette is on the underside of your desk drawer, secured by a large magnet.
6. It's okay to use the Polaroid Land Camera on a boat.
7. When the PC says, "Insert diskette #2," don't do it immediately. Remove disk #1 first, even if you're sure you can make them both fit in there.
8. When your PC says "You have mail," don't go to the company mail room and look for a package.
9. The French version of Netscape Navigator doesn't translate English language web pages into French.
10. If you're in the armed services, and it's April 1st, and you get an E-Mail message to call Colonel Sanders for new orders, don't.
11. If you go to the computer store to buy a mouse pad, you don't have to specify whether it's for a Windows or a Macintosh.

-- Skip Records, Seattle.



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A WSU student walked into a bar in Seattle and ordered two beers. After he paid for the beers he drank one and poured the other one all over his right hand. The bartender was curious to what he was doing so he asked him, and the WSU student replied "I'm trying to get my date drunk."

-- Nate Dogg and T-Roll, Moses Lake, Washington.



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A ventriloquist from Seattle walked into a bar just off the Washington State University campus and asked the manager if he could do a little performance. The manager thought no harm could be done and agreed.
The ventriloquist grabbed a stool, sat down and began telling jokes about the WSU football team. Suddenly, a huge man wearing a Cougar T-shirt walked over and said, "Listen buddy, I don't know who you think you are, telling all these jokes about our football team. I for one will not put up with it!"
The ventriloquist quickly appologized and said he would leave. The large man exclaimed "I'm not talking to you! I'm talking to that little man sitting on your lap!" --Todd Boyer, Seattle.



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A Husky fan, a Coug fan, and a Ducks fan were driving to the Rose Bowl together when their car broke down. They walked down the road to a farmhouse and inquired if they could spend the night.
The farmer said, "sure, but one of you will have to sleep in the barn as there is not enough room in the house."
The Husky fan said, "I'll do it."
A little while later there was a knock on the door, it was the Husky fan. He said, "I'm allergic to chickens and there are chickens in the barn." So the Ducks fan left to stay in the barn.
A little while later there was again a knock on the door, it was the Ducks fan. He said, "I'm allergic to pigs and there are pigs in the barn." So the Cougs fan left to stay in the barn.
A little while later there was again a knock on the door, it was the chickens and the pigs!

During an off-day in the Cougs practice preparation for the Rose Bowl, one of their quarterbacks thought he would take advantage of the break in southern California and visit one of America's biggest theme parks.
As he neared the park in his rental car, he noticed a big sign ahead on the highway.
"DISNEYLAND LEFT," it read.
With that, he sighed, turned around and headed back to the hotel.

Did you hear about the Coug that went to the library and checked out a book called "How to Hug?" Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia.

A man died and was sent to Hell. As he was being led down the path, he noticed a Coug he had known back in the land of the living. The Coug had one of the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen draped all over him.
The man began to complain to the devil about all the bad things he heard were going to happen to him, and questioned why the Coug had such an attractive woman.
To this the devil responded, "How dare you question the way things are? How dare you question that woman's punishment."

--Al Nelson, Westminster, Colorado.



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Seems that a Coug was driving West from Pullman at the same time a Husky was driving East from Seattle and they happened to meet head-on in a horrible crash on top of Snoqualmie Pass. Miraculously, both climbed out of the steaming wreckage...their bodies intact. They examined the twisted metal and realized that they were truly lucky to be alive. The Coug said, "This must be a sign from God that we should end the bitter rivalry that we have had since the beginning of time." The Husky agreed...he went to his trunk and pulled out an unbroken bottle of whiskey. "This is truly remarkable," he said, "God must want us to toast our new-found friendship." He twisted the cap off and handed the bottle to the Coug, who took several big swigs, wiped his chin and handed the bottle back. The Husky replaced the cap, and without a word, put the bottle back into his trunk. "Aren't you going to celebrate our luck?" asked the Coug. Nah, I thing I'll just wait for the troopers to get here.

--Al Larson, Seattle.



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A pretty blonde woman from the U of W is driving down a country road near Pullman in her new sports car when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks down. Luckily, shehappens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, "Oh, it's Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?
"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke, they are studying for their finals over at WSU. She looks through the screen door and sees two young men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties.
"Okay," she says.
After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to think about the two Cougs in the room next to her. They are not too bright it seems, but they are so handsome. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
They say, "Huh?"
She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers." She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.
Four years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch,rocking back and forth. Thinking about their day off from the new McDonald's in Colfax.
Jed says, "Luke?"
Luke says, "Yeah, Jed?"
Jed says, "You remember that blond woman that came by here about four years ago and showed us the ways of the world?"
"Yeah," says Luke, "I remember."
"Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed.
"Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not."
"Me, neither," says Jed, "Let's take these things off."

-- Reggie Nelson, Seattle.



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Two men, one Couger and one Husky, are using a public restroom. When the Couger notices that the Husky didn't wash his hands afterward, he says "Hey, at WSU they teach us to wash our hands after using the restroom." "Oh really," the Husky replies. "Well at UW we're smart enough to know not to pee on our hands."

-- Erin McCarty, Bellevue.



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Q: What do you get when you cross a Mormon and a Couger?
A: A basement full of stolen groceries...




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One day at the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter was greeting new comers. The first man was a brilliant engineer, so he and St. Peter talked about the great structures and buildings of the world. Next was a mathmatician from Harvard, so they talked about the most complex mathmatical problems in the history of civilization. The third guy had an IQ of 78 and a six pack in his right hand and St. Peter says, "How 'bout them Cougs!"

-- Karen Sifferman, Seattle.



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Q: How do cougar brain cells die?
A: Alone

Q: Did you hear about the cougar who won an Olympic gold medal?
A: He had it bronzed.



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Q: Why did the cougar carry the car door with him when he walked through the desert?
A: So he could roll down the window when he got too hot.

-- Phillip Swayze, Outlook, Washington.



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Q: What are the eight words guaranteed to break a WSU cheerleader's heart?
A: "Sorry honey, we just ran out of bacon".

--Eric Brockett, Seattle.



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So....A guy walks into the store and the clerk asks if he can help him.
"Sure can," the guy replies. "I want a bright, scarlet red sweatshirt, a pair of gray pants, gray socks, a red Cowboy hat and a pair of scarlet-colored cowboy boots."
"Oh, I take it you're a Cougar fan," the clerk say with a grin.
"How can you tell?" the guy answers. "It's 'cause I'm a askin' fer all scarlet and gray stuff, right?"
"No," the clerk answers. "It's because this is a hardware store."

--Dan Hickman, Seattle.


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