Home Remedies...

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by simply peeing in the sink.

4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad "habit" cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right."

8. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

9. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

And Finally...

10. Be really good to your family and friends. You never know when you're going to need them to empty your bedpan!

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And the sign says "You got to have a membership card to get inside" Huh
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