Official Property Renter's Complaints

Extracts from actual letters sent to various councils and housing associations throughout the UK:

1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

3. .. and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

4. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

5. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.

6. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

7. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house.

8. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

9. ..50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.

10. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

11. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

12. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

13. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

14. Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly.

15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

20. I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still have no Satisfaction.

21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.

22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

23. ... and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just cant take it anymore.

24. ... that is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow




<font color=red><i>Doctor Hooter</i></font color=red> <A HREF="http://www.page3.com/" target="_new"><b>(·Y·)</b></A>

a few dollars profit and a cheazy little smile
Sex in the closets and bodies in a pile

Rivers running red . . . ask if I could care
babies all malnourished and pollution in the air

Oh, yeh . . . this is what the U.N.'s is all about
a great little family till we started getting caught

now to clean house, there's nothing left to do
but to badrap the Americans and blame it on the Jews

<pre><font color=red>°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°`°¤o \\// o¤°`°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°
And the sign says "You got to have a membership card to get inside" Huh
So I got me a pen and paper And I made up my own little sign</pre><p></font color=red>

It's damn larceny when the Canadian Government takes a hundred dollars from my family every year to support the UN.
I have met a few people that have volunteered to be Peacekeepers. It's not an easy job. One peacekeeping veteran told me this story. The CO orders the troops to break up warring African Tribes without allowing you to sign out ammunition for your C7 rifle. (Canadian version of the American M16A2) Well that seemed to be the most retarded thing I had ever heard. How the hell do you stop two warring tribes from killing each other if you can't use force?

<font color=red><i>Doctor Hooter</i></font color=red> <A HREF="http://www.page3.com/" target="_new"><b>(·Y·)</b></A>

Number 16 was just Wingy sunbathing.

<font color=blue>Only a place as big as the internet could be home to a hero as big as Crashman!</font color=blue>
<font color=red>Only a place as big as the internet could be home to an ego as large as Crashman's!</font color=red>

The UN has serious faults. First of all it's not representative of the world when the US foots most of the bill and does most of the actual work. There are no permanent security council members from South America or Africa. France is still on the coucil for no good reason. Everything is blamed on Israel. The UN is usually rendered ineffective, ie Iraq and Balkans.

Nonetheless, it's better than nothing.

<pre><font color=red>A64 3200+ Winchester
DFI Lan Party NF4 Ultra-D
1GB Corsair 4400C25PT
WD740GD, WD2000JB, WD1200JB
ATI X800XL
Dell 2405FPW</pre><p>

You can say that again.

<font color=red>!#&$</font color=red> ---<font color=blue><i><b>There's the facts .... the twisted facts ... the distorted facts</font color=blue>,...<font color=red>THEN THERE'S JOURNALISM!</font color=red></i></b>