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No Child Left Behind ! ! !

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In response to President Bush's federal "No Child Left Behind Act" (NCLB), it is proposed that students will have to pass a test to be promoted to the next grade level.

In the hope that this proposal will be uniformly adopted by all of the states as well as in Iowa, the new test will be called the Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test, or FART.

All students who cannot pass a FART in the second grade will be retested in Grades 3, 4, and 5 until they are capable of passing a FART.

If a student does not successfully FART by grade 5, that student shall be placed in a separate English program known as the Special Mastery Elective for Learning Language, or SMELL.

If, with this increased SMELL program, the student cannot pass the required FART test, he or she can still graduate to middle school by taking another one semester course in Comprehensive Reading and Arithmetic Preparation, or CRAP.

If by age fourteen the student cannot FART, SMELL, or CRAP, he or she can earn promotion in an intensive one-week seminar known as the Preparatory Reading
for Unprepared Nationally Exempted Students, or PRUNES.

It is the opinion of the Department of Instruction for Public Schools (DIPS) that an intensive week of PRUNES will enable any student to FART, SMELL, or CRAP. This revised provision of the student component of the House Bill 101 should help "clear the air" as part of the "No School Left Standing" Act.

<pre>°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°`°¤o \\// o¤°`°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°
And the sign says "You got to have a membership card to get inside" Huh
So I got me a pen and paper And I made up my own little sign</pre>

Reply to RichPLS

Accounts Receivable Tax

Building Permit Tax

Capital Gains Tax

CDL license Tax

Cigarette Tax

Corporate Income Tax

Court Fines
(indirect taxes)

Dog License Tax

Federal Income Tax

Federal Unemployment Tax
(FUTA)

Fishing License Tax

Food License Tax

Fuel permit tax

Gasoline Tax
(42 cents per gallon)

Hunting License Tax

Inheritance Tax Interest expense
(tax on the money)

Inventory tax IRS Interest Charges
(tax on top of tax)

IRS Penalties
(tax on top of tax)

Liquor Tax

Local Income Tax

Luxury Taxes

Marriage License Tax

Medicare Tax

Property Tax

Real Estate Tax

Septic Permit Tax

Service Charge Taxes

Social Security Tax

Road Usage Taxes
(Truckers)

Sales Taxes

Recreational Vehicle Tax

Road Toll Booth Taxes

School Tax

State Income Tax

State Unemployment Tax
(SUTA)

Telephone federal excise tax

Telephone federal universal service fee tax

Telephone federal, state and local surcharge taxes

Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax

Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax

Telephone state and local tax

Telephone usage charge tax

Toll Bridge Taxes

Toll Tunnel Taxes

Traffic Fines
(indirect taxation)

Trailer registration tax

Utility Taxes

Vehicle License Registration Tax

Vehicle Sales Tax

Watercraft registration Tax

Well Permit Tax

Workers Compensation Tax

COMMENTS: Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago and our nation was the most prosperous in the world, had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What the hell happened?

<pre>°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°`°¤o \\// o¤°`°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°
And the sign says "You got to have a membership card to get inside" Huh
So I got me a pen and paper And I made up my own little sign</pre>

Reply to RichPLS

Um, 100 years ago things were slightly different. People died when they were 50.

<pre>A64 3200+ Winchester
DFI Lan Party NF4 Ultra-D
1GB Corsair 4400C25PT
WD740GD, WD2000JB, WD1200JB
ATI X800XL
Dell 2405FPW</pre>

Reply to dhlucke

Whoa, unbelievable subject change!

______________
Who's the man with the master plan?

Reply to Ned_Flanders

Memo to all students:

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work
and productivity from students, it will be our policy
to keep all students well taught through our program of
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.). We are
trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than any
other school. If you feel that you do not receive your
share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your
lecturer. You will be immediately placed at the top of
the S.H.I.T. list, and our lecturers are especially
skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can
handle.

Students who don't know S.H.I.T. will be placed in
DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.
S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.
seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE
TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our lecturers took
S.H.I.T. before they graduated, they don't have to do
S.H.I.T. anymore, as they are all full of S.H.I.T.
already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a
job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC
UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

For students who are intending to pursue a career in
management and consultancy, we will refer you to the
department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION
(M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.). This course emphasizes on how to
manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T. If you have further questions,
please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL
HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING

(BI.G. S.H.I.T.)

DOG SOLVES CANADA

Reply to Tom_Smart

uggh, it is Monday Morn

<pre>°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°`°¤o \\// o¤°`°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°
And the sign says "You got to have a membership card to get inside" Huh
So I got me a pen and paper And I made up my own little sign</pre>

Reply to RichPLS

You didn't even cover the licensees, permits and fees.

!#&$ :eek: ---There's the facts .... the twisted facts ... the distorted facts,...THEN THERE'S JOURNALISM!

Reply to russell

100years ago we hadn't faught WWI, WWII, Korean War, Vietnam, and other shorter conflicts like Desert Storm and this rediculous war we are in now.

Also 100years ago you were an old man at 50. Now if you die at 50 its a travisty.

We also didn't go to the moon, do any space travel and hell no travel in the air at all.

And 100years ago things were kind of messed up with some of the people like JP Morgan, Rockafeller, and Carnagie(sp on the last two) Yes our counrtry had more money but our peopl had less.

Dont forget that the Great depression was less then 70years ago. And that caused some overspending and some debt to get tout of that.

So you are right, none of thoser exisited.
But i could go through and i would be willing to bet more then half wouldn't have needed to. (example gas tax....WHO DROVE?!?!?! and if they did, what paved highways did they need to take care of?)

Its a nice thought....but not thought all the way through.
Go back to cave man times, they had no taxes at all.

__________________________________________

Reply to pickxx

Michael Jackson supports (actually he gets all giddy) No Child Left behind, he ssid " I will have left my hand on their behind for freindship and a little more will get them $50 for a feel on another spot. " "Kids love games, and I love kids, I love feeling kids privates and I love kids in my bed all night, there is nothing wrong with that"

<pre>°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°`°¤o \\// o¤°`°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°
And the sign says "You got to have a membership card to get inside" Huh
So I got me a pen and paper And I made up my own little sign</pre>

Reply to RichPLS

Oil Surges $2 on 'Super-Spike' Prediction
Oil hurtled back up to $56 a barrel on Thursday as Goldman Sachs bank, the biggest trader of energy derivatives, said prices could ultimately surge all the way above $100.
they failed to mention NO MORE U.S. DOLLARS FOR OIL, that occurred yesterday--
also a new currency will be created by the oil nations that will be used for oil only and come over top of the euro and will be entirely backed by gold--
ummm -you smell a rat??

euro jumped the dollar today- because of high increasing unemployment--and the govt tomorrow will claim creaton of 200k jobs--and i'm the EASTER BUNNY.
fact is unemployment is 23 percent and no one admits to it--like iraq is getting safer too--right--and Colin Powell is sorry for spewing bad intelligence information--he's sorry alright--one sorry-sum-beach.

<pre>°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°`°¤o \\// o¤°`°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°
And the sign says "You got to have a membership card to get inside" Huh
So I got me a pen and paper And I made up my own little sign</pre>

Reply to RichPLS

I just studied the NCLB Act last quarter in graduate school. The NCLB is interesting to say the least. While it is great the federal government is interested in improving education. The Titles within the act can be mind boggling. Such as, states can decided whether a bachelors degree is needed to teach K-12 education. If I found out that a teacher taught anything but gym or shop without at least a bachelors degree. I would go nuts. I know that the reasoning for allowing such an outcry referencing the less privileged schools that have problems recruiting teachers but there are enough teachers to go around.

Another interesting issue is that the federal government basically allows the states to create the testing procedures for the teachers and students. All teachers have to now pass an examination that proves their ability to teach. So the states are basically just taking the money offered by the federal government and disregarding the NCLB Act in general. Which really helps in the long run considering the extra money will help the education system. Students have to know so much before entering the next level of education which is what the act is suppose to achieve. I cannot count the amount of college students back in the day during my undergrad that possessed very little knowledge of computers Now kids must possess PC skills which is good but also costs the K-12 schools a ton of money. If the NCLB Act actually increases the amount of bachelors degrees that are obtained in the future. Only time will tell.

The NCLB Act is huge. I spent days reading all of the materials referencing the legislation. Then after reading all of the information. (All ten trillion pages of information it seemed.) I then had to reread a lot of the information to write a paper.

Reply to bjpatrick

Educated, smart, knowledgeable and wise are not necessarily obtained just by having a bachelors degree.

I've met some really dumb college graduates, so just having a degree really doesn't impress me much.

!#&$ :eek: ---There's the facts .... the twisted facts ... the distorted facts,...THEN THERE'S JOURNALISM!

Reply to russell

*nods head*

look at auburn...

I work therefore I am conservative.
<A HREF="http://www.cameronwilliamson.com" target="_new">-={Psychotic Sociopath.}=-</A>

Reply to mrface

"Wipe that face off your head, bitch."

War Eagle 13-0!
<A HREF="http://www.upsitedown.co.il/anim/rest40.html" target="_new">"What I am, I am an alchemist....I take money and turn it into kaka." --Mike Tyson</A>

Reply to Auburn9698

Hey Russell,

You need to be bitch slapped for that comment! Remember we educated created everything you probably own. Your car, house, computer, or even that vibrator stuck up your ass.

Reply to bjpatrick

You see a lot of college-educated people building houses, do ya?

War Eagle 13-0!
<A HREF="http://www.upsitedown.co.il/anim/rest40.html" target="_new">"What I am, I am an alchemist....I take money and turn it into kaka." --Mike Tyson</A>

Reply to Auburn9698

wisdom and knowledge are two different things.

just because you have knowledge of something doesnt mean you have wisdom(the application of knowledge)

I work therefore I am conservative.
<A HREF="http://www.cameronwilliamson.com" target="_new">-={Psychotic Sociopath.}=-</A>

Reply to mrface

Wow, you created the vibrator? For your own personal use I take it.....?

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." - Ron Atkinson

Reply to RobD

Can anybody else picture where this bitch-slapping could be applied more appropriately?

War Eagle 13-0!
<A HREF="http://www.upsitedown.co.il/anim/rest40.html" target="_new">"What I am, I am an alchemist....I take money and turn it into kaka." --Mike Tyson</A>

Reply to Auburn9698

Nope. Not me.

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." - Ron Atkinson

Reply to RobD

I meant designed not created. I'm hung over as hell today. Do you people think that someone educated has to actually dirty their hands?

Hell we have designed and created robots to build most of the important devices needed by society today.

Edited by bjpatrick on 04/01/05 11:24 AM.

Reply to bjpatrick

Hey, only goin' by what ya write, bj.

Ahh, the hangover explains the grouchiness.

How is "you people" being used?

War Eagle 13-0!
<A HREF="http://www.upsitedown.co.il/anim/rest40.html" target="_new">"What I am, I am an alchemist....I take money and turn it into kaka." --Mike Tyson</A>

Reply to Auburn9698

Think I know...

"We're not worthy, we're not worthy!" [/Wayne's World]

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." - Ron Atkinson

Reply to RobD

So he seems to think.

War Eagle 13-0!
<A HREF="http://www.upsitedown.co.il/anim/rest40.html" target="_new">"What I am, I am an alchemist....I take money and turn it into kaka." --Mike Tyson</A>

Reply to Auburn9698

How it looks to me too.

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." - Ron Atkinson

Reply to RobD

hes rascist.

I work therefore I am conservative.
<A HREF="http://www.cameronwilliamson.com" target="_new">-={Psychotic Sociopath.}=-</A>

Reply to mrface

No racism tolerated herewithin, only greasy snot knosed smart ass geeks are allowed!

<pre>°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°`°¤o \\// o¤°`°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°
And the sign says "You got to have a membership card to get inside" Huh
So I got me a pen and paper And I made up my own little sign</pre>

Reply to RichPLS

RobD will take comfort in knowing that he's welcome [/charming]

:eek: I don't only break your heart, I also break your pelvis :eek:

Reply to WingDing

Quote :

You need to be bitch slapped for that comment! Remember we educated created everything you probably own. Your car, house, computer, or even that vibrator stuck up your ass.

Thank you for the fantastic example of what I was saying.
How does the saying go?....The proof is in the pudding.
With an attitude like that you won't ever be fit for anything except a university professor....and the cycle can then continue.

Oh, and by the way I'm by no means done commenting about the IGNORANT statement you made, I just have to go wash the feeling of not being an educated, university student, better than you, I can now play trivial pursuit dumb ass off my body.

!#&$ :eek: ---There's the facts .... the twisted facts ... the distorted facts,...THEN THERE'S JOURNALISM!

Reply to russell

...*dry humps russell's leg*...

:eek: I don't only break your heart, I also break your pelvis :eek:

Reply to WingDing

[quote]Thank you for the fantastic example of what I was saying.
How does the saying go?....The proof is in the pudding.
With an attitude like that you won't ever be fit for anything except a university professor....and the cycle can then continue.

Haa! I just about fell out of my seat after that comment. Laugh out loud! I'm one quarter away from possessing my masters in business. That means. I CONTROL!! Who stays, who goes, who gets promoted, and who sits in the same seat for another year or two. These decisions will be made by me!

Edited by bjpatrick on 04/01/05 12:18 PM.

Reply to bjpatrick

"Unpuff man, take a chill pill!" -RCPilot

You omitted a link between the degree and all that great decision-making power, btw. The actual job.

War Eagle 13-0!
<A HREF="http://www.upsitedown.co.il/anim/rest40.html" target="_new">"What I am, I am an alchemist....I take money and turn it into kaka." --Mike Tyson</A>

Reply to Auburn9698

Quote :

Edited by bjpatrick on 04/01/05 12:18 PM.

I'm sorry, did the poor little college boy make a mistake?

I hear Enron could use people like you.

!#&$ :eek: ---There's the facts .... the twisted facts ... the distorted facts,...THEN THERE'S JOURNALISM!

Reply to russell

I like how he edited it and still didn't get the end quote tag in there, too.

War Eagle 13-0!
<A HREF="http://www.upsitedown.co.il/anim/rest40.html" target="_new">"What I am, I am an alchemist....I take money and turn it into kaka." --Mike Tyson</A>

Reply to Auburn9698

Pats Wingy's head.... down boy .... don't bite the puffed up poor little college boy.

!#&$ :eek: ---There's the facts .... the twisted facts ... the distorted facts,...THEN THERE'S JOURNALISM!

Reply to russell

I don't know this but if I were a rich college graduate with my masters in business I'd bet that he is a spoiled little rich kid that had to get his grades giving the professor head so his daddy doesn't cut him out of his inheritance.

!#&$ :eek: ---There's the facts .... the twisted facts ... the distorted facts,...THEN THERE'S JOURNALISM!

Reply to russell

Ohh, you can bite all you want! I bite to!

Actually, I have paid for all of my education. God, I love being so [-peep-] good that everything is paid through scholarship. That 3.87 GPA is just wonderful.

Edited by bjpatrick on 04/01/05 12:36 PM.

Reply to bjpatrick

And I'll bet that he gave his profs head just for fun.

*Raises russ a dollar*

War Eagle 13-0!
<A HREF="http://www.upsitedown.co.il/anim/rest40.html" target="_new">"What I am, I am an alchemist....I take money and turn it into kaka." --Mike Tyson</A>

Reply to Auburn9698

Quote :

Ohh, you can bite all you want! I bite to!

Would that be to as in, "went to give the professor head and bit him".

Your daddy is wasting his money on your education.
I thought that you were just a little thick headed, but not I'm pretty sure that your just a plain ignorant pompous ass.

!#&$ :eek: ---There's the facts .... the twisted facts ... the distorted facts,...THEN THERE'S JOURNALISM!

Reply to russell

I take it you've had the doorframes widened in your house to get your incredibly swollen head through?

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." - Ron Atkinson

Reply to RobD

That certainly deserves a bastage. Bastage.

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." - Ron Atkinson

Reply to RobD

He probably just has to live outside now. Hope they have their graduation in the stadium so he can participate.

War Eagle 13-0!
<A HREF="http://www.upsitedown.co.il/anim/rest40.html" target="_new">"What I am, I am an alchemist....I take money and turn it into kaka." --Mike Tyson</A>

Reply to Auburn9698

Woweeeeeeee!!!!! I'm impressed!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Dazzle them with Brilliance, or Baffle them with BS! :wink:

Reply to RCPilot

AYWF..... & now cold Coors beer!!!! Pop... Glug Glug.... Ahhhhhhhh!!!!

Dazzle them with Brilliance, or Baffle them with BS! :wink:

Reply to RCPilot

NOOOOOOOO!!! I don't believe you!

War Eagle 13-0!
<A HREF="http://www.upsitedown.co.il/anim/rest40.html" target="_new">"What I am, I am an alchemist....I take money and turn it into kaka." --Mike Tyson</A>

Reply to Auburn9698

Believe it!!!! The weekend has started.... :smile:

Dazzle them with Brilliance, or Baffle them with BS! :wink:

Reply to RCPilot

Ahh, you must have finally "taken off" that Friday you were planning!

A retired guy....taking a Friday off....LMAO

War Eagle 13-0!
<A HREF="http://www.upsitedown.co.il/anim/rest40.html" target="_new">"What I am, I am an alchemist....I take money and turn it into kaka." --Mike Tyson</A>

Reply to Auburn9698

Yea, I had to!!!! Stress building up & all of that, you know..

Put out to Pasture, not retired... Retiring is for old guys..

Dazzle them with Brilliance, or Baffle them with BS! :wink:

Reply to RCPilot

Hey Auburn9698,

If you do not like the educated the pick a different screen name. Because Auburn is a college and it's about education. We could honestly careless about those other people that leach off society.

Edited by bjpatrick on 04/01/05 02:12 PM.

Reply to bjpatrick

If anyone films it, they'll need an IMAX theatre to show the damn thing.

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." - Ron Atkinson

Reply to RobD

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