Archived from groups: rec.games.roguelike.nethack (
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Sevenhundred Elves wrote:
> On 3 Apr 2005 19:59:39 -0700,
> Christopher wrote:
>
>
>>l07amesc@allsaints.wa.edu.au (Christopher) wrote in message
>>news:<befbd26b.0504022133.34f91f10@posting.google.com>...
>>
>>>Unfortunetly the second part of Yendor will not be able to be view
>>>yet. My ISP seem to be having techical difficulties, and I can't
>>>manage to upload anything to my website. Hopefully these problems will
>>>be fixed soon, but it could be a few days before the next chapter is
>>>up. *mutters about poor ISP and typical luck*
>>>
>>>Sorry.
>>
>>Chapter two is now online!
>>
>>It turns out the problems were on my computer, and I managed to fix
>>them a few hours later. The chapter was actually up before that
>>message got to be viewed.
>
>
> Hi Christopher,
>
> I've read chapter two now, and I hope the third chapter will be up soon,
> too. You said you wanted comments to keep you going on with this
> project, I hope you meant even slightly critical comments, because I
> have two of them..
>
> First, when Tara got the elven dagger and was disappointed that she
> didn't get a better weapon, why didn't Joe or Gareth tell her that the
> elven dagger could easily be converted to an artifact weapon (Sting)?
Because Sting is practically useless. If they did tell her to name it
"Sting", knowing her personality, she would've done so, and they
would've had less of a chance of successfully wishing for a third
artifact. Sting isn't even remotely useful, it only does 6.0/4.0 to
orcs, worse than a normal elven broadsword, and is an ordinary elven
dagger to other monsters.
Other than that, there are some other things that should be fixed...
Chapter 1
- I don't think it's possible for a player to start out with a cursed
item, I think they're all uncursed or blessed. This would majorly change
the game, so let him find it on the ground and put it on before they
realize it's Nethack, and not realize it was a ring of teleportation
until he teleported.
- The items shouldn't have labels, they should instead suddenly think of
what identified items are when they look at them. More realistic.
- "Bring it on little freak" should be changed to "Bring it on, little
freak". Comma usage!
- Ditto for "Oh lookie a weak little adventurer, ripe for the killing"
to "Oh lookie, a weak little adventurer, ripe for the killing,"
- And ditto for "...the drips of blood from it's scimitar...", the
"it's" should be "its"
- They mention the Oracle but not Izchak. Surely, after ascending 15
games and into Gehennom with a pacifist, Joe'd think of Izchak.
- Capitalize "Oracle" while you're at it.
- Change "Okay Tara?" to "Okay, Tara?"
Chapter 2
- They didn't even MENTION the gold could be a mimic. I'm not sure
whether or not it could be, but it deserves a mention.
- As mentioned in another post, "giant bees" should be "killer bees"
- Question marks go before exclamation marks, as in "What do we do?!",
not "What do we do!?"
- "Okay genius, what now?" change to "Okay, genius, what now?"
- "Joe took it mutely and drunk deep": That would be DRANK deep. Drunk
is only used in cases like "has drunk".
- Even after they've found the meatball, they haven't realized they
weren't alone. I anticipated it by the first mention of gold that wasn't
there before and wasn't a mimic, and I didn't even think of the title.
- The black puddings should die once in a while. The spoilers say
nothing about monster HP, so we'll say it has 40 damage. Even if the
short sword does only 3 damage, the pudding should be at 19 after it
splits, 8 the next time, 3 after that, and dead after that. Slashing at
a pudding four times should kill it. I mean, there would be 4 more
puddings around you, a lot less than a dozen, before one of them died.
Even accounting for corrosion, it'd be dead after the fifth swipe.
I think that's all.
--
____ (__)
/ \ (oo) -Shadow
|Moo. > \/
\____/
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