Redneck jokes

it has been brought to my attention by certain individuals that frequent this forum that there have been too much attention given to the gay lifestyle . Therefore , I am officially volunteering my bona-fide status as a true Georgia redneck as legitimate grounds to post any and all redneck, hillbilly , or Georgia cracker jokes .


I'll start with one my brother made up .

If when you're swimming you have to have a cigarette tapes to your snorkel then<b> you might be a redneck </b>



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!#&$ ---<font color=blue><i><b>There's the facts</font color=blue>....<font color=green>the twisted facts </font color=green>...the distorted facts</font color=blue>...Then There's</i><font color=red> Journalism!</font color=red></b>

If your porch falls and it results in the death of a half dozen dogs <b>then you might be a redneck </b>



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!#&$ ---<font color=blue><i><b>There's the facts</font color=blue>....<font color=green>the twisted facts </font color=green>...the distorted facts</font color=blue>...Then There's</i><font color=red> Journalism!</font color=red></b>

If you back your truck out of the garage into the rain to get it washed, <b> you might be a redneck</b>....



Dazzle them with Brilliance, or Baffle them with BS!

*packs an wad of Skoal between his cheek and gums*

If you get your picture taken in a Jeff Gordon car and posted on the net, you <b>are</b> a redneck.

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck, But

She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat-up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look !" she said. I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less.

And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."

Can you guess her gift?
































So for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services are pending.


<pre><font color=red>°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°`°¤o \\// o¤°`°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°
And the sign says "You got to have a membership card to get inside" Huh
So I got me a pen and paper And I made up my own little sign</pre><p></font color=red>

You are the greatest redneck joke there is, hard to top that. [shrugs]

<pre><font color=red>°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°`°¤o \\// o¤°`°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°
And the sign says "You got to have a membership card to get inside" Huh
So I got me a pen and paper And I made up my own little sign</pre><p></font color=red>

if you gotta college football saying in your sig, you might be a redneck....



wait a sec....


Bastage...!



"Like a scrotum, there it is in a nutshell."
<font color=red>Roll Tide!</font color=red>
<A HREF="http://www.cameronwilliamson.com" target="_new">-={Apathetic As<i></i>shole.}=-</A>

i understand your concern; but im not a cheerleader, just a big fan.

i know you wouldnt know anything about it, hell you live in MS there really arent anygood teams there.

"Like a scrotum, there it is in a nutshell."
<font color=red>Roll Tide!</font color=red>
<A HREF="http://www.cameronwilliamson.com" target="_new">-={Apathetic As<i></i>shole.}=-</A>

<A HREF="http://www.wimp.com/jumper/" target="_new"> Fatneck Sports! </A>

<pre><font color=red>°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°`°¤o \\// o¤°`°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°
And the sign says "You got to have a membership card to get inside" Huh
So I got me a pen and paper And I made up my own little sign</pre><p></font color=red>

LMAO

Yeah, whales are much better at swimming than biking.

If you have ever lost a loved one to kudzu, you might be a redneck.

If you have ever used a toilet seat for a picture frame, you might be a redneck.

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!
<P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1><EM>Edited by Auburn9698 on 07/16/05 04:37 PM.</EM></FONT></P>

Hahah! If your family tree is shaped like wreath, you just might be a redneck.

<font color=blue>Good judgement comes from experience.
Experience comes from bad judgement.</font color=blue>

Then you would be a redneck... No doubt!!!



Dazzle them with Brilliance, or Baffle them with BS!

If you go to the family reunion to find a new wife, you might be a redneck. If your mother is also your Aunt, you are definitely a Redneck!

Guns***Scotch***Country Music

What's 40 feet long...

and stinks of urine?



















































Line dancing class at the nursing home!


Arggghhh!


<pre><font color=red>°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°`°¤o \\// o¤°`°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°
And the sign says "You got to have a membership card to get inside" Huh
So I got me a pen and paper And I made up my own little sign</pre><p></font color=red>

A man was passing by a farm, when he saw a pig with a wooden leg. He stopped to talk to the farmer:

man: I noticed you have a pig with a wooden leg, how come?

farmer: aw! that pig! well he's been very good to us. Once we had a fire in the house, and he came in, and pulled us all out to safety..fantastic pig that is..

man: yes, but that doesn't answer the question. Why does he have a wooden leg?

farmer: well, only last week, my daughter fell in the river, and the pig jumped in to reascue her. It's a fantastic pig that is...

man: yes, but please tell me.. WHY does he have a wooden leg???

farmer: with a pig like that, you wouldn't want to eat it all at once would you?

<pre><font color=red>°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°`°¤o \\// o¤°`°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°
And the sign says "You got to have a membership card to get inside" Huh
So I got me a pen and paper And I made up my own little sign</pre><p></font color=red>

To farmers were neighbors one was named Farmer Billy bob and the second Joe bob . One day Farmer Billy was riding his mule past Farmer Joe's barn . Joe saw Billy in the barnyard brushing a horse . Curiosity got the best of Joe so he reained his mule into Billy's farmyard .

"That's a mighty fine looking horse you have there Billy. " "yup , I just bought him today. " you wouldn't like to sell him would you?, asked farmer Joe. Nope answered Billy , I got a real good deal in this horse, recon I'll keep him.

Farmer Joe eyed the horse from nose to tail . I reckon you're right about that , he's a fine looking animal . I don't suppose you'd let me know how much he cost you ?

Don't mind a bit letting you know replied farmer Billy . I only gave $200.00 for him . I reckon your right again said Joe , he's dang shore worth $200.00.

Tell you what I'm gonna do said Joe , I'm going to give you $400.00 for that horse, that's twice what you paid . well Joe I reckon you just bought yourself a horse replyed Billy.

With that Joe tied his mule behind the horse and rode home .

Several days later Farmer Billy went to visit Joe and see how the horse was coming along . As he neared the barnyard he noticed Joe had the horse tied and was brushing him .

Howdy Joe he said. Man-O-Man, that horse is looking really good now that you got him all brushed out . You don't want to sell him back to me do you . No way said Joe , I really like this horse. Tell you what I'll do said Billy , I'll give you $800.00 for that horse , that's twice what you gave me .

Well Joe said , I reckon you just bought yourself a horse . With that Billy took his reacquired horse home .

Yes you guessed it , Joe went to farmer Billy's place with the intention of buying the horse back .

When he got there he found Farmer Billy feeding the chickens . As Joe made small talk he looked around to see where the horse was at. I reckon you got the horse in a stall , I just came back to buy that horse back . Tell you what I'm gonna do said farmer Joe , I'm going to give you $1,600.00 for the horse . That's twice what I sold him to you for .

Can't do it said farmer Billy . Can't do it, that's just plain not fair, says Joe . I just offered you twice the amount you have in the animal . You got to sell him , it's only fair.

Like I said , I can't sell him to you says Billy .I sold him to a man from Texas for a thousand dollars first thing this morning .

You idiot , Joe exclaims . What did you do a fool thing like that for ? What do you mean fool thing comes back Billy. I just made $200.00 .

But you don't understand says Joe . We both were making a mighty fine living from that animal .



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!#&$ ---<font color=blue><i><b>There's the facts</font color=blue>....<font color=green>the twisted facts </font color=green>...the distorted facts</font color=blue>...Then There's</i><font color=red> Journalism!</font color=red></b><P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1><EM>Edited by Russell on 07/19/05 08:50 PM.</EM></FONT></P>

Now that you mention it ..... Yea, yea that's it.



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!#&$ ---<font color=blue><i><b>There's the facts</font color=blue>....<font color=green>the twisted facts </font color=green>...the distorted facts</font color=blue>...Then There's</i><font color=red> Journalism!</font color=red></b>