Redneck and more Redneck...

(Most of this here material is attributed to Jeff Foxworthy)


You think Sherlock Holmes is a
housing project down in Biloxi.

You think a stock tip is
advice on worming' your hogs.

You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.

Your state's got a new law that says when a couple gets divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.

You got stopped by a state trooper.
He asked you if you had an I.D.
And you said, 'Bout What?'

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

If you can burp
and say your name at the same time,
you're shur'nuff a redneck.

You think Possum is
"The Other White Meat"

The centerpiece on your dining room table is an original signed work
by a famous taxidermist.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.

You think safe sex is a padded headboard.


you think subdivision is part of a math problem.


You may be a Redneck if ...
You and your dog use the same tree.

You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.

You think the last words to
The Star Spangled Banner are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."

You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.

You've got more than
one brother named 'Darryl'.

Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.
But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.

you know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took

You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

You have a rag for a gas cap.


The third grade teacher says little Bubba
could be a mathematical genius
because he's got thirteen fingers.


Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.

A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.

you have spray painted your
girlfriend's name on an overpass.

Your house doesn't have curtains,
but your truck does.

You have flowers planted in a
bathroom fixture in your front yard.

Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.


You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.


It's easier to spray weed killer
on your lawn than mow it.

You've been on TV more than 5 times
describing the sound of a tornado.


You may be a redneck if you ever
used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.


you can change the oil in your truck
without ducking your head.

Your wife has ever said,
"Come move this transmission
so I can take a bath."

You wonder how service stations
keep their restrooms so clean.
You think a turtleneck is
a key ingredient for soup.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.


Your dog can't watch you eat
without getting sick.



<pre><font color=red>°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°`°¤o \\// o¤°`°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°
And the sign says "You got to have a membership card to get inside" Huh
So I got me a pen and paper And I made up my own little sign</pre><p></font color=red>

I use one to clean the fur from my tongue every morning.

I didn't lose my virginity, Wusy stole it

Dude...seriously...you gotta stop doing this...

I didn't lose my virginity, Wusy stole it

...*cries*...

Played hell with my arse grapes too...

I didn't lose my virginity, Wusy stole it

...so true...

...*collapses in self-pity*...

I didn't lose my virginity, Wusy stole it