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Ned_Flanders   08-16-2005 at 07:05:53 AM

Ok guys - My family has departed abroad for 2 weeks. I'm home alone for the first time.

What to do, what to do?

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<A HREF="http://snipurl.com/fxwr" target="_new">Welcome to the House of Horrors, welcome to the House of a 1000 Corpses</A>

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BigMac   08-16-2005 at 08:12:58 AM
- 0 +

Orgy?

BigMac

<font color=red>New World Order stolen. If anyone knows about the whereabouts of it, please contact me via PM. Friendly reminders on forum rules or etiquette are not appreciated.</font color=red>

Reply to BigMac
Ned_Flanders   08-16-2005 at 08:45:53 AM
- 0 +

:lol:

_____________________
<A HREF="http://snipurl.com/fxwr" target="_new">Welcome to the House of Horrors, welcome to the House of a 1000 Corpses</A>

Reply to Ned_Flanders
RobD   08-16-2005 at 10:01:03 AM
- 0 +

Get pissed, get laid, watch the footie. Repeat daily. Sorted.

<font color=blue>"I left a couple of my foreigners out last week and they started talking in "foreign". They were all: "Blah, blah, blah, le b*stard manager, f*cking useless b*stard"" - Harry Redknapp</font color=blue>

Reply to RobD
WingDing   08-16-2005 at 10:23:20 AM
- 0 +

An occassional hand shandy might also add some cheer. Get yourself a good pair of Marigolds.

:eek: I didn't lose my virginity, Wusy stole it :eek:

Reply to WingDing
RobD   08-16-2005 at 10:26:59 AM
- 0 +

A large quantity of high quality porn will also be needed.

<font color=blue>"I left a couple of my foreigners out last week and they started talking in "foreign". They were all: "Blah, blah, blah, le b*stard manager, f*cking useless b*stard"" - Harry Redknapp</font color=blue>

Reply to RobD
WingDing   08-16-2005 at 10:46:35 AM
- 0 +

As a gesture of kindness, I will offer him my rare Christopher Biggins Fisting special.

:eek: I didn't lose my virginity, Wusy stole it :eek:

Reply to WingDing
RobD   08-16-2005 at 10:51:31 AM
- 0 +

A most treasured and rare item. He would be touched. By Barrymore if he had his way.

<font color=blue>"I left a couple of my foreigners out last week and they started talking in "foreign". They were all: "Blah, blah, blah, le b*stard manager, f*cking useless b*stard"" - Harry Redknapp</font color=blue>

Reply to RobD
WingDing   08-16-2005 at 10:54:11 AM
- 0 +

I also have a valuable Gary Wilmot Enaema 3-D pop-up book.

It's too early for all this, isn't it?

...*gags up brekkie*...

:eek: I didn't lose my virginity, Wusy stole it :eek:

Reply to WingDing
RCPilot   08-16-2005 at 10:57:24 AM
- 0 +

Quote :

Fisting special.


Brought back a memory this morning.... Guy I used to work with in a stamping plant lost his hand in a press, just passed the knuckle on his wrist....

He said the good part about it was that women liked to be stump fu<b></b>cked with it.... He always came on braggin about stump fu<b></b>cking.....

I guess there's always some good with the bad, in anything... :smile:



Dazzle them with Brilliance, or Baffle them with BS! :wink:

Reply to RCPilot
WingDing   08-16-2005 at 10:59:03 AM
- 0 +

You have no idea how much that has turned me on.

Speaking of deformed stumps, how are the legs today? [/harsh]

:eek: I didn't lose my virginity, Wusy stole it :eek:

Reply to WingDing
RCPilot   08-16-2005 at 10:59:50 AM
- 0 +

*Bastage*!!!!!



Dazzle them with Brilliance, or Baffle them with BS! :wink:

Reply to RCPilot
RobD   08-16-2005 at 11:01:21 AM
- 0 +

Yes, it is a bit really..... *retches*...

<font color=blue>"I left a couple of my foreigners out last week and they started talking in "foreign". They were all: "Blah, blah, blah, le b*stard manager, f*cking useless b*stard"" - Harry Redknapp</font color=blue>

Reply to RobD
RobD   08-16-2005 at 11:03:10 AM
- 0 +

The first bastage of the day!

<font color=blue>"I left a couple of my foreigners out last week and they started talking in "foreign". They were all: "Blah, blah, blah, le b*stard manager, f*cking useless b*stard"" - Harry Redknapp</font color=blue>

Reply to RobD
RCPilot   08-16-2005 at 11:08:54 AM
- 0 +

Yea, it's the first one, but I got more of them.... :wink:



Dazzle them with Brilliance, or Baffle them with BS! :wink:

Reply to RCPilot
WingDing   08-16-2005 at 11:15:19 AM
- 0 +

Just as well I didn't conjour up images of Lionel Blair doing unhealthy things with a cucumber.

...*belches up blueberry muffin*...

:eek: I didn't lose my virginity, Wusy stole it :eek:

Reply to WingDing
RobD   08-16-2005 at 11:17:50 AM
- 0 +

A large stock reserved especially for Auburn, no doubt?

<font color=blue>"I left a couple of my foreigners out last week and they started talking in "foreign". They were all: "Blah, blah, blah, le b*stard manager, f*cking useless b*stard"" - Harry Redknapp</font color=blue>

Reply to RobD
RobD   08-16-2005 at 11:20:14 AM
- 0 +

Oh jesus.... :eek:

...*3 Weetabix pay a return visit*...

<font color=blue>"I left a couple of my foreigners out last week and they started talking in "foreign". They were all: "Blah, blah, blah, le b*stard manager, f*cking useless b*stard"" - Harry Redknapp</font color=blue>

Reply to RobD
Ned_Flanders   08-16-2005 at 11:20:22 AM
- 0 +

You guys have it all wrong. I'm looking for ideas for traps to set up so I don't get burgled! :lol:

_____________________
<A HREF="http://snipurl.com/fxwr" target="_new">Welcome to the House of Horrors, welcome to the House of a 1000 Corpses</A>

Reply to Ned_Flanders
RobD   08-16-2005 at 11:22:16 AM
- 0 +

Why, is Wusy paying you a visit?

<font color=blue>"I left a couple of my foreigners out last week and they started talking in "foreign". They were all: "Blah, blah, blah, le b*stard manager, f*cking useless b*stard"" - Harry Redknapp</font color=blue>

Reply to RobD
RCPilot   08-16-2005 at 11:24:11 AM
- 0 +

Just watch the movies then..... Home Alone 1 & 2.... That should give you some ideas on how to cya.....



Dazzle them with Brilliance, or Baffle them with BS! :wink:

Reply to RCPilot
RCPilot   08-16-2005 at 11:26:06 AM
- 0 +

I'm sure he gets the most of them....

Hey Auburn...... He's a *Bastage* for you, just for GP.....



Dazzle them with Brilliance, or Baffle them with BS! :wink:

Reply to RCPilot
WingDing   08-16-2005 at 11:26:55 AM
- 0 +

Hire a Wingding. That usually does the trick.

:eek: I didn't lose my virginity, Wusy stole it :eek:

Reply to WingDing
Ned_Flanders   08-16-2005 at 12:34:11 PM
- 0 +

Yeah, but the burgulars might have seen the videos too!

_____________________
<A HREF="http://snipurl.com/fxwr" target="_new">Welcome to the House of Horrors, welcome to the House of a 1000 Corpses</A>

Reply to Ned_Flanders
Tom_Smart   08-16-2005 at 12:44:04 PM
- 0 +

Leave doors and windows open, sit in dark waiting with a pick axe handle. Could get a few mates to join you and make a competition out of it, first to twat an intruder wins.

Carragher, probably the best Scouser in the world.

Reply to Tom_Smart
WingDing   08-16-2005 at 12:46:17 PM
- 0 +

If he's looking to whack a thief, then he need only travel to Liverpool. Any member of the population would meet that criterion.

:eek: I didn't lose my virginity, Wusy stole it :eek:

Reply to WingDing
Auburn9698   08-16-2005 at 01:02:09 PM
- 0 +

Suh-weet! Thanks, gramps!

Bartender, get this old feller a shot of your finest prune juice. I'm buyin'. And make it a double!

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!

Reply to Auburn9698
Auburn9698   08-16-2005 at 01:04:03 PM
- 0 +

Gee, don't be so wild and crazy there, wuss. You're going to be a bad influence on Ned and get him arrested for all the wild partyin'.

*rolls eyes*

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!

Reply to Auburn9698
WingDing   08-16-2005 at 01:04:42 PM
- 0 +

Careful, his bowels are loose enough already. Just look at those mahogany-coloured stains on his scrawny thighs.

:eek: I didn't lose my virginity, Wusy stole it :eek:

Reply to WingDing
Auburn9698   08-16-2005 at 01:07:25 PM
- 0 +

Those aren't just big liver spots?

*takes a closer look*

Ahh, I see you're quite right. Nasty!

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!

Reply to Auburn9698
RCPilot   08-16-2005 at 01:16:38 PM
- 0 +

Good thing I already issued you both a *Bastage*, keep it you & you'll get another one.....



Dazzle them with Brilliance, or Baffle them with BS! :wink:

Reply to RCPilot
Tom_Smart   08-16-2005 at 01:18:24 PM
- 0 +

Thank you kind sir.

Carragher, probably the best Scouser in the world.

Reply to Tom_Smart
WingDing   08-16-2005 at 01:18:32 PM
- 0 +

RC SkidmarkSparrowlegs. Now that'd be the right custom title for the old git [/unnecessary]

:eek: I didn't lose my virginity, Wusy stole it :eek:

Reply to WingDing
WingDing   08-16-2005 at 01:25:32 PM
- 0 +

A pleasure, I always enjoying negative stereotyping [/thick Guinness-swilling Irish git]

:eek: I didn't lose my virginity, Wusy stole it :eek:

Reply to WingDing
RCPilot   08-16-2005 at 01:48:35 PM
- 0 +

[unnecessary] for sure....

Don't worry about my legs.... They're wiry & spry.... Allows me to make those lightning quick moves....



Dazzle them with Brilliance, or Baffle them with BS! :wink:

Reply to RCPilot
WingDing   08-16-2005 at 02:16:45 PM
- 0 +

Sorry man...going for the easy target today.. :frown:

...*fails to dodge RC's groinally-oriented kick*.... :eek:

:eek: I didn't lose my virginity, Wusy stole it :eek:

Reply to WingDing
Auburn9698   08-16-2005 at 03:55:37 PM
- 0 +

But it explains why you stick to the single-fisted drinking instead going all out and putting em away double-fisted. They might collapse under the extra 12oz.

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!

Reply to Auburn9698
Ned_Flanders   08-16-2005 at 04:04:51 PM
- 0 +

Well guys I have todays stock of Strongbow in (2*2 Litre bottles) :lol:

Time to relaaaaaxxxxx.

_____________________
<A HREF="http://snipurl.com/fxwr" target="_new">Welcome to the House of Horrors, welcome to the House of a 1000 Corpses</A>

Reply to Ned_Flanders
RobD   08-16-2005 at 04:06:45 PM
- 0 +

Porn? Football? Naked chicks? come on, there's more to do than neck apples.

<font color=blue>"I left a couple of my foreigners out last week and they started talking in "foreign". They were all: "Blah, blah, blah, le b*stard manager, f*cking useless b*stard"" - Harry Redknapp</font color=blue>

Reply to RobD
Auburn9698   08-16-2005 at 04:09:37 PM
- 0 +

Going for something a little better than wusy's toddler ideas, I see. Got a buddy that loves that stuff. More power to ya if you do, too, I reckon.

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!

Reply to Auburn9698
Auburn9698   08-16-2005 at 04:12:37 PM
- 0 +

Ahh, he's got to weeks. It's Ned. He'll probably wank himself til he's raw hamburger before it's all said and done.

Maybe a miracle will happen and some half-decent chick will give him a pity lay.

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!

Reply to Auburn9698
RobD   08-16-2005 at 04:21:52 PM
- 0 +

When I had my parents place to myself for the first time, I called one of my ex's and managed to persuade her to stay for a few days. Left the house once, and that was to get booze.

Yep, Ned'll have wankers cramp by the end of it all.

<font color=blue>"I left a couple of my foreigners out last week and they started talking in "foreign". They were all: "Blah, blah, blah, le b*stard manager, f*cking useless b*stard"" - Harry Redknapp</font color=blue>

Reply to RobD
RichPLS   08-16-2005 at 04:23:31 PM
- 0 +

What was his name?

<pre><font color=red>°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°`°¤o \\// o¤°`°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°
And the sign says "You got to have a membership card to get inside" Huh
So I got me a pen and paper And I made up my own little sign</pre><p></font color=red>

Reply to RichPLS
Auburn9698   08-16-2005 at 04:25:32 PM
- 0 +

Ahh, sorry Rich, Rob had that base covered by persuading <i>her</i> to stay for a few days.

*points and laughs at the weak attempt*

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!

Reply to Auburn9698
RobD   08-16-2005 at 04:28:30 PM
- 0 +

Auburn knows about my prowess as a swordsman, he too was a champion with the ladies. I could tell you some stories to make you jealous, but I haven't got all month ...*swaggers*...

<font color=blue>"I left a couple of my foreigners out last week and they started talking in "foreign". They were all: "Blah, blah, blah, le b*stard manager, f*cking useless b*stard"" - Harry Redknapp</font color=blue>

Reply to RobD
RichPLS   08-16-2005 at 04:30:53 PM
- 0 +

Well, I had this one experience...N/M [/leaves crying]

<pre><font color=red>°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°`°¤o \\// o¤°`°¤o,¸¸¸,o¤°
And the sign says "You got to have a membership card to get inside" Huh
So I got me a pen and paper And I made up my own little sign</pre><p></font color=red>

Reply to RichPLS
RobD   08-16-2005 at 04:38:56 PM
- 0 +

No, tell us... we won't laugh, honest... [/yeah right]

<font color=blue>"I left a couple of my foreigners out last week and they started talking in "foreign". They were all: "Blah, blah, blah, le b*stard manager, f*cking useless b*stard"" - Harry Redknapp</font color=blue>

Reply to RobD
Auburn9698   08-16-2005 at 04:39:36 PM
- 0 +

At band camp, undoubtedly.

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!

Reply to Auburn9698
Auburn9698   08-16-2005 at 04:40:58 PM
- 0 +

It was a solo mission. End of story.

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!

Reply to Auburn9698
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