LMAO

Some of the requests for help really crack me up, some barely know how to use their computers, much less repair them!

You can give them step by step instructions to follow to solve a problem, and they'll take it as a suggestion, and tell you why it won't work for them, without even trying what you told them.

Under those circumstances I have no sympathy for their lingering problems, nor do I plan on advising someone on the hardware to buy to build their new computer, whatever happened to researching out the hardware you're going to invest your money in yourself.

Don't get me wrong guys! I'll go to extreme measures to help someone, if they're receiving the efforts you're investing, but not when they disregard important instructions and tell you why your suggestion won't work and they didn't even try the suggestion!

What the crap are they asking for help for, if they have no intentions of doing what you tell them?

Its not just me I've seen a lot of others of you advise someone of what to do and they'll tell you why the suggestion won't work, and some of us have to confirm the suggestions are valid.

<b>Wheres the sticky for:</b>

If you've never flashed a BIOS, and don't have the first clue as to what to do. <b><font color=red> THEN DON'T DO IT </font color=red></b>

If the most you know about your computer is where the power button is. <b><font color=red> DON'T TRY TO BUILD ONE </font color=red></b>

If you are too lazy to research the hardware you're planning on building your precious new computer out of. <b><font color=red> DON'T ASK US TO DO IT FOR YOU </font color=red></b>

If you've tried every suggestion the 15 people have given you, that earnestly tried to help you resolve your problem, then don't be stupid enough to post, <b><font color=red> "SORRY GUYS I FORGOT TO PLUG IN THE POWER TO THE COMPUTER" </font color=red></b>

When you see the plea for help, "Does the heavy rectangular box with the wires coming out have to be connected to something?" <b><font color=red> ROFLMAO ITS SPAMMIN TIME </font color=red></b>


<b>Sound Familiar</b>

<b><font color=red> When I mounted my motherboard, of all the mounting studs that were there, only three lined up with holes on the motherboard, it seems like case manufacturers could at least mount them lining up with the holes on the motherboard, its really loose and not too secure and one edge is actually down on the metal surface, is this normal? </font color=red></b>

Or

<b><font color=red>I mounted my motherboard onto the mounting plate, all the screw holes lined up, but now my connectors on the back don't line up, and my video and PCI cards are too short, also what is this bag of weird looking brass screws for?</font color=red></b>

Or

<b><font color=green> Help! My computer locks up after about 5 minutes when I first start it up, I kill the power to it and restart it and it'll only run about 30sec and lock up again, I really need my computer so I'm in dire straits right now, it was working fine until I disconnected those fans that were making so much noise, can anyone help me with this problem! Thanks in Advance! </font color=green></b>

Or

<b><font color=green> Help! Put my new computer together today followed the manuals instructions to the letter, put my new CPU heatsink fan on, and I was really impressed with them preapplying the plastic cooling compound on the bottom of it. Started up the computer and after a few seconds smelled something like plastic burning, followed by a horrible electrical kinda smell, do you think I have a bad power supply? I hear it running but nothings happening! </font color=green></b>

Or

<b><font color=purple>I am so pissed at this CPU manufacturer I received my 3rd RMA'd CPU today I hope this one is not a dud too, I'll never buy from them again, I'm a month into tryin to get this thing up and running, also while I'm complaining this marvelous super powerful heatsink/fan I bought is manufactured wrong its got a groove cut in the bottom of it on one side, what the hell is that for?</font color=purple></b>










<A HREF="http://btvillarin.com/punbb/viewtopic.php?pid=20385#p20385" target="_new"> My Puter </A>


<P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1><EM>Edited by 4ryan6 on 08/21/05 05:19 PM.</EM></FONT></P>

Good Example! ROFLMAO

<A HREF="http://btvillarin.com/punbb/viewtopic.php?pid=20385#p20385" target="_new"> My Puter </A>

Star Trek Lost Episodes:
Microsoft defeating the Borg


Picard
"Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?"
Geordi
"Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."
Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.
Riker
puzzled. "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"
Data
turns to answer "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."
Picard
"But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
Data
"Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operational functions."
Picard
"Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable geometric shape' idea."

. . . 15 Minutes Later . .

Data
"Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'."
Geordi
"Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."
Picard
"Data, scan the history banks again and determine if their is something we have missed."
Data
"Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the 'upgrade'. Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards.
Riker
"Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F . . ." "Wait, Captain; I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !"
Picard
"Data, what does your scanners show?"
Data
"Appearently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."
Picard
"Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their functionality."

. . . Two Hours Pass . . .

Riker
"Geordi, what's the status on the Borg?"
Geordi
"As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules from something called the 'Microsoft fun-pack'.
Picard
"How much time will that buy us ?"
Data
"Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time span of 6 more hours."
Geordi
"Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
Picard
"Identify."
Data
"It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo"
Over the speakers
"THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURREDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS"
Data
"The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid shaped objects."
Picard
"Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"
Riker
"Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the Borg ship with no life support suits ! How can they survive the tortures of deep space ?!"
Data
"I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits"
Riker and Picard together
(horrified) "Lawyers !!"
Geordi
"It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
Data
"True, but appearently some must have survived."
Riker
"They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types of papers."
Data
"I believe that is known in ancient venacular as 'red tape' it often proves fatal."
Riker
"They're tearing the Borg to pieces !"
Picard
"Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the Borg deserve that."


<A HREF="http://btvillarin.com/punbb/viewtopic.php?pid=20385#p20385" target="_new"> My Puter </A>

Star Trek: In Search Of Power
"Sulu, set path to the root directory and install the ram disk for 320k. We're taking her out."

"Aye, sir."

"Scotty, I want full power to the megabit ram chips and to the hard drives."

"Captain, yer overloadin' her as it is. The power supply just isn't built to take two hard drrrives."

"Power, Scotty! I want more power! Chekov, install the disk cache. Spock, any word on the millions of instructions per second?"

"Fascinating, Captain. It seems as if the turbo accelerator board is overrunning the hard drive, which, due to its poorer response time, is slowing down the system performance."

"Scotty, where is that power!?"

"Captain, I'm givin ye all she's got. It's that miserable 80986 with the 512k bit bus multiplexed down to one pin. The wee beastie has these teeny weeny little segments that can only handle so much. You'll have to install an extended memory board, do bank switching, and allocate a huge ram disk if you want to go any faster."

"Chekov, install the EMS board."

"Yes, sir."

"Uhura, any word from mainframe command?"

"Well, Captain, we've received several interrupts from the serial port, but because we're not multitasking, the data is just sitting there."

"Scotty, how much longer until we can shift into Unix?"

"Captain, if ye can squeeze another 60 megabytes onto that hard disk, we might have room for Unix and a couple of system utilities. Possibly an application. We'll need to increase the clock speed to 28 gigahertz. I think we can do it, but there are too many unknowns, too many bugs in the system! We'll have to do a proper shakedown."

"Spock?"

"Unix is a massive system, Captain, and the commands have to be decoded from hieroglyphics invented back in ancient times. It may be more than we can handle."

"Sulu, put in the 60 meg hard drive, install Unix for mouse drive. Prepare to go to Task speed on my signal."

"Mouse drive? ......Aye, Captain."

"Now! Yes, Bones? What do you want?"

"Jim, you just have a little spreadsheet work, mailing labels, and some word processing. Don't you think you're overdoing it a bit?"

"Sulu?"

"Captain, she's shifting into multitasking. Task one. Task two... Captain, I'm losing control at the helm. It looks like we've encountered a bad sector."

"Put it on visual, Sulu."

"Captain, the VGA is not responding, sir. Shifting resolution into EGA mode."

"Spock? What's the problem?"

"Unknown, Captain. Unix seems to be rerouting all input to a null device." Trying 'grep'", muttering, "whatever that is."

"Scotty, what's happening with those '/dev' subdirectories?"

"Captain, she canna take much morrre... Another fifteen seconds and me math chips'll burrrn up for surrre..."

"Scotty, we're not using the math chip."

"Sorry, Captain, but I haven't been able to say that for twenty minutes."

"Uhura, notify mainframe command."

"Captain, either communications is breaking up, or you're dropping into Shakespearean stutter mode again."

"Captain, she canna take much morrre... Another fifteen seconds and me math chips'll burrrn up for surrre..."

"Enough Scotty!"

"Captain! I'm getting a message from mainframe command... Apparently, sir, they're going to time-warp previously forgotten modes of data handling, it looks like SQL syntax is forming in the language port now."

"Scotty, quick, pop-up the menu shields. This could be a trick to get us back to card punching."

"I'm sorry, Captain, but Dbase LCXIX doesn't have pop-ups that work yet."

"Chekov, we need hardcopy! Fire HP LaserJet!"

"Aye, sir."

"Bones, how do I see which tasks are active?"

"I'm a doctor, Jim, not a command shell!"

"Scotty! Why can't I get a directory on this thing!!?"

"Captain, ye just canna have a mouse driven pull down menu system with Unix. It's like matter and antimatter, the system's too bogged down. Yer drainin me quartz crystals."

"Chekov, report."

"Captain, the little arrow is responding, but it gets to the side of the screen before the windows have a chance to move..."

"Spock? What's happening to our multitasking?"

"It appears as if the needs of the one are outweighing the needs of the many."

"Captain, she's not even runnin on reserve now. We'll have to do a cold boot for surrre."

"Bones?"

"It's dead, Jim."



<A HREF="http://btvillarin.com/punbb/viewtopic.php?pid=20385#p20385" target="_new"> My Puter </A>

Fart

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting, because they don't smell and are quite silent."

The doctor says, "I see. Please take two of these pills each day, and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor, she says, I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts - though still silent-really stink terribly."

The doctor replied, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, lets work on your hearing... "




<A HREF="http://btvillarin.com/punbb/viewtopic.php?pid=20385#p20385" target="_new"> My Puter </A>

Yea, your a braggert, BSer & a thief.... Oh & the founder of the forum...... Thanks for the input.... [shrug]



Dazzle them with Brilliance, or Baffle them with BS!

Delusional grandeur perhaps ??


<A HREF="http://OverVolt.com" target="_new">http://OverVolt.com</A>
!#&$ ---<font color=blue><i><b>There's the facts</font color=blue>....<font color=green>the twisted facts </font color=green>...the distorted facts</font color=blue>...Then There's</i><font color=red> Journalism!</font color=red></b>

Ahh, the good ole exploding toilet tale. Mythbusters had fun with that one.

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!

One of the funnier moments that I have had at work was on the phone with a guy in Afghanistan. Went something like this:

Me: "...now, turn off the computer. When it has stopped, put the boot disk I sent you into the disk drive and turn the computer back on."

Guy: "Ummm. Hmmm, yeah. Ummmmmmmm. Can't you do this remotely?"

*Sounds of me banging my head on my desk can clearly be heard over the line.*

We have guys all over the world and we do most thing remotely instead of having a tech at every job site so this was not really that uncommon, but it was Friday and I just really wanted to go home so this was really frustrating at the time.

Some other funny things that are worth checking out. Darwinawards.com (I liked the story about the guy welding on the roof. His oxygen tank kept slipping so he decided to tack it down...) and 40 Year Old Virgin was damn hilarious!

You have an inalienable right to privacy.... until you get on my network.

<A HREF="http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2003-09.html" target="_new">see for yourself</A>

Mike.

<font color=blue>Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside the dog its too dark to read.
-- Groucho Marx</font color=blue>

I think its that squiggly line to the left of the "1" and above the "Tab" button...

<b><font color=red>Go date P4man or something, bye!</font color=red><b>

Aww, great. Thanks for nothin'!

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!

AIH! Look, bam'er, don't make me open a can when I head down there for Tech!!

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!

Oh, this is the 19:45 (central) ESPN game that day and I'm gettin' down there about 8-9am. There will be more than enough of those cans opened by kickoff. It's the can of whoop-ass I wanna know if he's beggin' for.

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!

Dazzle them with Brilliance, or Baffle them with BS!

Damn, missed that!

I'll bring my own personal can. That's all it'll take for you, anyway, Chair Force. Our team will bring the big yellow jacket swatter can.

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!

BWAHAHAHA!

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!

Much better than the little, I mean, the big 10.

Of course, remembering 2 years ago, I won't laugh <i>too</i> much about tech...yet. Ain't one team out there that's played a game yet.

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!

true. and aubie doesnt have as strong of offense as they had last year...

<A HREF="http://www.cameronwilliamson.com/nutshell.mp3" target="_new">"Like a scrotum, there it is in a nutshell."</A>
<font color=red>Roll Tide!</font color=red>
<A HREF="http://www.cameronwilliamson.com" target="_new">-={Apathetic As<i></i>shole.}=-</A>

That's where the invisible M is at, anyway.

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!

Yea, right......




Dazzle them with Brilliance, or Baffle them with BS!

Needs to be Maize, that's for sure.....



Dazzle them with Brilliance, or Baffle them with BS!

A'ight, yo, you go ahead be a playa hata. I'm gonna believe. I have a dream!

<font color=blue>War</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Eagle</font color=orange> 13-0!