'Who's on first?' - OOTS 226

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http://giantitp.com/cgi-bin/GiantITP/ootscript?SK=226

The whole schtick felt like that Abott and Costello bit, 'Who's on First?'

-==-
Jerry Chesko
3 answers Last reply
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  1. Archived from groups: rec.games.frp.dnd (More info?)

    Jerry Chesko wrote:
    > http://giantitp.com/cgi-bin/GiantITP/ootscript?SK=226
    >
    > The whole schtick felt like that Abott and Costello bit, 'Who's on First?'
    >

    Well, yeah. Where else do you think Rich stole it from? (No, he stole
    it from Abbot and Costello, not from Wherelse.)


    --
    Sea Wasp
    /^\
    ;;;
    Live Journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/seawasp/
  2. Archived from groups: rec.games.frp.dnd (More info?)

    "Sea Wasp" <seawaspobvious@obvioussgeinc.com> wrote in message
    news:433C77C3.9080006@obvioussgeinc.com...
    > Jerry Chesko wrote:
    >> http://giantitp.com/cgi-bin/GiantITP/ootscript?SK=226
    >>
    >> The whole schtick felt like that Abott and Costello bit, 'Who's on
    >> First?'
    >>
    >
    > Well, yeah. Where else do you think Rich stole it from? (No, he stole it
    > from Abbot and Costello, not from Wherelse.)
    >
    >
    :-P -pbbttt

    Tenyways, here's the famous baseball running gag:

    Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bookie
    Harris, the Yankee's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're
    on the team.

    Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.

    Abbott: I certainly do.

    Costello: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me
    their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.

    Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give
    these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.

    Costello: You mean funny names?

    Abbott: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean...

    Costello: His brother Daffy.

    Abbott: Daffy Dean...

    Costello: And their French cousin.

    Abbott: French?

    Costello: Goofè.

    Abbott: Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first,
    What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...

    Costello: That's what I want to find out.

    Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.

    Costello: Are you the manager?

    Abbott: Yes.

    Costello: You gonna be the coach too?

    Abbott: Yes.

    Costello: And you don't know the fellows' names?

    Abbott: Well I should.

    Costello: Well then who's on first?

    Abbott: Yes.

    Costello: I mean the fellow's name.

    Abbott: Who.

    Costello: The guy on first.

    Abbott: Who.

    Costello: The first baseman.

    Abbott: Who.

    Costello: The guy playing...

    Abbott: Who is on first!

    Costello: I'm asking YOU who's on first.

    Abbott: That's the man's name.

    Costello: That's who's name?

    Abbott: Yes.

    Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.

    Abbott: That's it.

    Costello: That's who?

    Abbott: Yes.

    PAUSE

    Costello: Look, you gotta first baseman?

    Abbott: Certainly.

    Costello: Who's playing first?

    Abbott: That's right.

    Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the
    money?

    Abbott: Every dollar of it.

    Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.

    Abbott: Who.

    Costello: The guy that gets...

    Abbott: That's it.

    Costello: Who gets the money...

    Abbott: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects
    it.

    Costello: Whose wife?

    Abbott: Yes.

    PAUSE

    Abbott: What's wrong with that?

    Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how
    does he sign his name?

    Abbott: Who.

    Costello: The guy.

    Abbott: Who.

    Costello: How does he sign...

    Abbott: That's how he signs it.

    Costello: Who?

    Abbott: Yes.

    PAUSE

    Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.

    Abbott: No. What is on second base.

    Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

    Abbott: Who's on first.

    Costello: One base at a time!

    Abbott: Well, don't change the players around.

    Costello: I'm not changing nobody!

    Abbott: Take it easy, buddy.

    Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?

    Abbott: That's right.

    Costello: Ok.

    Abbott: All right.

    PAUSE

    Costello: What's the guy's name on first base?

    Abbott: No. What is on second.

    Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

    Abbott: Who's on first.

    Costello: I don't know.

    Abbott: He's on third, we're not talking about him.

    Costello: Now how did I get on third base?

    Abbott: Why you mentioned his name.

    Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing
    third?

    Abbott: No. Who's playing first.

    Costello: What's on first?

    Abbott: What's on second.

    Costello: I don't know.

    Abbott: He's on third.

    Costello: There I go, back on third again!

    PAUSE

    Costello: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.

    Abbott: All right, what do you want to know?

    Costello: Now who's playing third base?

    Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?

    Costello: What am I putting on third.

    Abbott: No. What is on second.

    Costello: You don't want who on second?

    Abbott: Who is on first.

    Costello: I don't know.

    Abbott & Costello Together:Third base!

    PAUSE

    Costello: Look, you gotta outfield?

    Abbott: Sure.

    Costello: The left fielder's name?

    Abbott: Why.

    Costello: I just thought I'd ask you.

    Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.

    Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field.

    Abbott: Who's playing first.

    Costello: I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the
    guy's name in left field?

    Abbott: No, What is on second.

    Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

    Abbott: Who's on first!

    Costello: I don't know.

    Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!

    PAUSE

    Costello: The left fielder's name?

    Abbott: Why.

    Costello: Because!

    Abbott: Oh, he's centerfield.

    PAUSE

    Costello: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?

    Abbott: Sure.

    Costello: The pitcher's name?

    Abbott: Tomorrow.

    Costello: You don't want to tell me today?

    Abbott: I'm telling you now.

    Costello: Then go ahead.

    Abbott: Tomorrow!

    Costello: What time?

    Abbott: What time what?

    Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?

    Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching.

    Costello: I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's
    the pitcher's name?

    Abbott: What's on second.

    Costello: I don't know.

    Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!

    PAUSE

    Costello: Gotta a catcher?

    Abbott: Certainly.

    Costello: The catcher's name?

    Abbott: Today.

    Costello: Today, and tomorrow's pitching.

    Abbott: Now you've got it.

    Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team.

    PAUSE

    Costello: You know I'm a catcher too.

    Abbott: So they tell me.

    Costello: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's
    pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts
    the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw
    the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?

    Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

    Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!

    PAUSE

    Abbott: That's all you have to do.

    Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base.

    Abbott: Yes!

    Costello: Now who's got it?

    Abbott: Naturally.

    PAUSE

    Costello: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it.
    Now who has it?

    Abbott: Naturally.

    Costello: Who?

    Abbott: Naturally.

    Costello: Naturally?

    Abbott: Naturally.

    Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.

    Abbott: No you don't, you throw the ball to Who.

    Costello: Naturally.

    Abbott: That's different.

    Costello: That's what I said.

    Abbott: You're not saying it...

    Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.

    Abbott: You throw it to Who.

    Costello: Naturally.

    Abbott: That's it.

    Costello: That's what I said!

    Abbott: You ask me.

    Costello: I throw the ball to who?

    Abbott: Naturally.

    Costello: Now you ask me.

    Abbott: You throw the ball to Who?

    Costello: Naturally.

    Abbott: That's it.

    Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is
    drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws
    it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to
    Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to
    Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!

    Abbott: What?

    Costello: I said I don't give a darn!

    Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.
  3. Archived from groups: rec.games.frp.dnd (More info?)

    On Thu, 29 Sep 2005 23:06:07 GMT, "Jerry Chesko" <res7g0hd@verizon.net>
    scribed into the ether:

    >http://giantitp.com/cgi-bin/GiantITP/ootscript?SK=226
    >
    >The whole schtick felt like that Abott and Costello bit, 'Who's on First?'

    Felt like? Was pretty blatant...still pretty funny though, especially at
    the end.
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