Jokes

BAKED BEANS

Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that the would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentleman, he would never go for this carrying on." So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home.On her way she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it.

Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone.

The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.

Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!!!

<font color=red>They're out there, waiting, watching, listening. Be afraid! The cookies are coming!</font color=red>

1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands: People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands; look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand; look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy: Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal email, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about, but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught - your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
3. Messy desk: Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice Mail: Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that the caller will give up or look for a solution that doesn't involve you. The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is: "Ignore my last message. I took care of it." If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full" - a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.
5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed: One should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.
6. Appear to Work Late: Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g., 9:35 pm, 7:05 am, etc...) and during public holidays.
7. Creative Sighing for Effect: Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are very hard pressed.
8. Stacking Strategy: It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. Can always borrow from library. Thick computer manuals are the best.
9. Build Vocabulary: Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use it freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember they don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.
10. MOST IMPORTANTLY: DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!

A man was having problem lasting long enough with his lover in bed, so he went to see a doctor. The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution.

On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"

He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"

The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axile, its busted."

Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."



<font color=red>"My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and dispair!"</font color=red>

This guy walks into a bar and two steps in he realizes its a gay bar, but decides, "What the heck, I really want a drink." When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?' The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that All I want is a drink." The gay waiter replies, "I'm sorry, but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan "Just Do It." That guy down at the end of the bar calls his Snickers, because it really satisfies." The customer looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the customer asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping a beer and asks, "Hey, bud, what's the name of your penis?" The man to the left, with a smile, looks back and says, "Timex." The thirsty customer asks, "Why Timex?". The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!" A little shaken, the customer turns to the fella on his right sipping a fruity margarita."So, what do you call your penis?" The man to his right turns to him and proudly exclaims, "Ford, because quality is job one." And then adds "Have you driven a Ford lately?" Even more shaken, the customer has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. He turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is Secret, now give me a beer." The bartender begins to pour the customer a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why Secret?' The customer says, "Strong enough for a man but made for a woman!!!"

<font color=green>I've had enough cookies.</font color=green> <font color=blue><i>Got milk?</i></font color=blue>

ROFL that is the funniest joke, beastiality is so damn funny!!!!!

eh, i'll procrastinate later...

Cant say thats anything that I would every say in public, but if you want to get a good rise out of a group or person try this. If somebody makes a snide comment to you respond with a twist to an old childhood fav. "Stick and stones make break my bones, but whips and chains excite me!" Then walk off, people just kinda look dumbfounded after that.

<b>WARNING:</b> The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an A$$HOLE.

Heard that one, but it was the husband instead of the wife. Anyway here's one I've read in Reader's Digest about 2 decades ago. It will not be exactly the same but roughly it goes like this...

HAPPINESS & FREQUENCY OF SEX

A professor was giving a speech on his theory about frequency of sex and happiness, i.e. the more sex one have, the more happy they are. To prove his point, he asked the audience, "How many of you here are having it daily?" A group of people raised their hands, looking at each other, smiling and laughing. The professor asked again, "How many of you here having it once in a week?" Another group of people raised their hands looking at one another barely smiling. The professor was pleased with it and asked again, "How many of you here having it once in a month? This time a small group of people barely raising their hands and looking somewhat glum and heads a bit lowered.

So far so good, the professor said to himself. Now, to go for the kill the professor asked one more question. "How many of you here are having it once in a year?" Suddenly, far beyond, a lone man was seen raising his hand high up and jumping up and down with joy as if not wanting the professor to miss him. The professor was puzzled. He was having it once in a year and he seemed to be very happy about it. Its against his theory. So he asked the man, "Sir, you're having it once in a year, may I know what makes you so very happy about it?" Then came the reply.......

It's tonight! It's tonight!


It don't come easy.......not alwasys.

THIS IS SO CHOICE, I HAD TO SEND IT ON. ENJOY!
> An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the
> "accident of evolution" had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful
> rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
> As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes
> behind. As he turned to look, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him.
> He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and
> saw that the bear was closing in on him. He tried to run even faster, so
> scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder
> again and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically as
> he tried to run even faster, but he tripped and fell on the ground. He
> rolled over to pick himself up and saw the bear right on top of him
> raising his paw to kill him.
> At that instant he cried out "Oh my God!" Just then, time stopped. The
> bear froze, the forest was silent, the river even stopped moving. A
bright
> light shone upon the man, and a voice came out of the sky saying, "You
> deny my existence all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even
> credit my creation to a cosmic accident and now do you expect me to help
> you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
> The atheist, ever so proud, looked into the light and said "It would be
> rather hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but
> could you make the bear a Christian?"
> "Very well," said the voice. As the light went out, the river ran, the
> sounds of the forest continued and the bear put his paw down. The bear
> then brought both paws together, bowed his head and said, "Jesus, I thank
> you for this food which I am about to receive."
>


life is what happens while you are making other plans

A young couple booked a train-trip into the country to spend some quality time together at a country house they owned. But, they had to travel by night, and the bunks they got on the train were not together; in fact, they were on opposite sides of the carriage on the top bunks, with another couple on the lower bunks beneath them. Now, they always liked to make out just before going to sleep, and so as not to disturb the people in the lower bunks, the young man had an idea, and whispered to his new wife:

'Psst! Honey, I found something long and hard over here... I'm going to swing it across to you, you can use it to crawl across to me.'

'Oh yeah?' came an irritated voice from the bunk below, 'and just how the hell is she supposed to get back then, huh?'

Cow with legs spread wide either dead or playing 'cello.

That is so wrong!!

<font color=red>Amd or Intel? Who cares?? Not me...</font color=red>

That is the rudest joke I've ever heard in my life.
Do you have any more?
J/k

Apple? Macintosh? What are these strange words you speak?

I've heard that one a lot of times before but I still like it

---------
Grass is a beautiful weed

A blonde is driving past a road beside a dry lake. she notices another blonde on a boat in the dried lake frantically rowing. She gets out of the car an shouts, "hey, you in the boat. what are you doing?"

The reply comes, "I've got to get home, but the boat seems to be stuck on something"

She gets totally pissed off and says, "Its bitches like you that give us blondes a bad name."

"If I could swim, I would go up to your boat and kick your ass"


<font color=red>"My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and dispair!"</font color=red>

A lesson about the American Rat Race

An American businessman was at a pier in a small coastal Mexican
village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the
small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American
complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how
long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied "only a little while".

The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch
more fish?The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's
immediate needs and a little left over to share with the neighbors.
The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your
time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with
my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village
each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I havea
full and busy life, senor."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You
should spend more time fishing and, with the proceeds, buy a bigger
boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several
boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead
of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the
processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control
the product, processing and distribution.

"You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and
move to Mexico City, then LA, and eventually NYC, where you will run
your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, senor, how long will this all
take?"

To which the American replied, "15-20 years."

But what then, senor?"

The American laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time
is right, you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the
public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions, senor? Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal
fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with
your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the
evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your
amigos."


<font color=red>"My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and dispair!"</font color=red><P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1><EM>Edited by holygrenade on 06/17/01 01:26 PM.</EM></FONT></P>

A man is going on a business trip and he's worried about his wife being faithful.

He goes to a sex shop and starts browsing when the shop's owner walks up and asks if she can help. He tells her his predicament and she says she has just the right thing. She walks into the back and pulls out a big, old box. She opens it up and there's a shiny dildo inside it.

"What's so special about this dildo?" the man asks.

"Well," she replies, "it's a magic dildo. Just watch." She holds up her hand and makes and O with her index finger and thumb, and she says, "Magic dildo, hand!" The dildo floats up and starts pumping away at the woman's hand. Then the woman says, "Magic dildo, box!" and the dildo floats back to the box and she shuts it.

"That's amazing!" the man exclaims. "It's perfect...I'll take it!" He buys the box and takes it home to his wife and shows her the exact same display that the woman at the shop showed him.

She seems pretty happy, and as soon as he leaves in his business trip, she thought she'd try it out. She takes off her clothes and opens the box and says, "Magic dildo, pussy!"

After hours of fun with the dildo and one great orgasm after the next, she finally decides to call it quits. "Magic dildo, stop," she says, but it kept going. "Magic dildo, quit...magic dildo, no more..." but the merciless dildo kept going.

She decided to go to the hospital to see if they could do anything, but driving with the magic dildo still going was quite a task.

She started swerving all over the road, and she went speeding by a cop.

The cop pulls her over and asks her what her trouble is.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," she says. "Try me," the officer replies.

"Well, there's this magic dildo and it won't stop pumping away at me."

The officer gives the woman a look of disbelief and says, "Magic dildo my ass!"


<font color=red><i>Tomorrow I will live, the fool does say
today itself's too late; the wise lived yesterday

LOL!

That´s a good one!

Why should you learn from your mistakes?
Learn from other´s! It´s cheaper and less painfull! :-D

if you go to a family reunion with the intent on finding romance, you might be a redneck

if you see a sign that says say no to crack and it reminds you to pull up your pants,
you might be a redneck

if you own 1 home that is mobile and 14 vehicles that are not,
you might be a redneck

if you have ever taken a beer to a job interview,
you might be a redneck

if you mow your grass and find more than one vehicle up in blocks,
you might be a redneck if

if you've been maried three times and still have the same in-laws

Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.
But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.

Non
Athletic
Sport
Created
Around
Rednecks

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline

Your sister is the third generation of women in your family
to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

You think Possum is
"The Other White Meat"

You hooked up with your present girlfriend
as a result of a message on the wall of
the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.

Taking your wife on a cruise
means circling the Dairy Queen.

Your father executes the "pull my finger"
trick during Christmas dinner.

You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph.

You take a six-pack cooler to church.

Your family tree has no forks

You consider your license plate personalized because
your dad made it in prison.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart
cause there is a law against it.

You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

Your aunt and your grandmother went
to the funeral and had a fight over
who gets to be the widow.

The FBI surrounded your trailer park
twice so far this year.

Your brother-in-law is your uncle
AND your grandfather.

you might be a redneck if....
Your parents met at a family reunion

You couldn't learn to swim
because
your gene pool is too small.
Your kids take a siphon hose
to "Show and Tell."



from jeff foxworthy, roflol







































theyre accusing,lk alwyz wo knwng wht s jst fctn& wht s the truth.

ok here is another one

what is 7lbs and makes a mother cry???
















































crib death

mbaha

“Build your own you will love it more”

Murphy’s Laws of Combat


1. Suppressive fires—won’t
2. Friendly fire—isn’t.
3. Incoming fire has the right-of way.
4. Don’t look conspicuous—it draws fire.
5. The important things are always simple.
6. The simple things are always hard.
7. The easy way is always mined.
8. When in doubt, empty the magazine.
9. Tracers work both ways.
10. If your attack is going really well, it’s an ambush.
11. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.
12. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
13. If you are short of everything except enemy, you are in combat.
14. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won’t be able to get out.
15. Any thing you do can get you shot—including doing nothing.
16. If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.
17. Body-count math is 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemy
killed in action.
18. Beer-math is 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
19. Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
20. Never forget your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious
enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident
to court.

In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning
farmer Joe.

"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,"'
asked the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well. I'll tell you what happened. I
had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the...

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just
answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the
accident, 'I'm fine!'".

Farmer Joe said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer
and I was driving down the road..."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to
establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man
told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was fine. Now
several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client.
I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the
question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's
answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has
to say."

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, as I was saying, I
had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down
the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop
sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into
one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting
real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol'
Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible
shape just by her groans.

Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the
scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went
over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and
shot her between the eyes.

Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his
hand and looked at me. He said, "Your mule was in such bad
shape I had to shoot her."

"How are you feeling?"



-* This Space For Rent *-
email for application details

ROFLMAO....I love it

<font color=red>Yeah, I took a crap on your lawn. Whatcha gonna do about it?</font color=red>

I know this is absolutly horible, but its one of my roomates favorites.
How do you make a dead baby float?

















One scoop of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.

"Reality is what refuses to go away when I stop believing in it"

17 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK.

1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to
hear.
5. It encourages car pooling.
6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
15. Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.
16. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
17. Sitting "Bare ass" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross."

Screw overclocking my comps got <font color=red>NOS</font color=red>!!!!

Why nagging a man doesn't work.....

When a woman says:

C'mon, you and I need to clean up,
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you'll have no clothes to wear,
if we don't do laundry right now!"

What a man hears:


C'MON YOU AND I, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW

- I got a board too: http://www.impactsites2000.com/cgi [...] nboard.cgi

I’ll never think of the 12 days of Christmas again!

>Dearest John,
>I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a
>pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift! I couldn't have been more
>surprised.
>With Deepest Love and Affection,
>Agnes
>
>December 15, 1997
>Dearest John,
>Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine - two
>turtledoves! I am delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just
>adorable.
>All My Love,
>Agnes
>
>December 16, 1997
>Dear John,
>Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one! Now I really must protest. I
>don't deserve such generosity - three French hens! They are just darling,
>but I must insist - you've been too kind.
>Love,
>Agnes
>
>December 17, 1997
>Dear John,
>Today the postman delivered 4 calling birds. Now, really, they are
>beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too
>romantic.
>Affectionately,
>Agnes
>
>December 18, 1997
>Dearest John,
>What a surprise! Today the postman delivered 5 golden rings, one
>for each finger. You are just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those
>birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
>
>All My Love,
>Agnes
>
>
>
>
>December 19, 1997
>
>Dear John,
>When I opened the door there were actually 6 geese a-laying on my
>front porch. So, you're back to the birds again, huh? These geese are
>huge.
>Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining, and I can't
>sleep through the racket.
>
>Please Stop.
>
>Cordially,
>Agnes
>
>
>December 20, 1997
>
>John,
>What's up with you and those [-peep-] birds??? Seven swans a
>swimming. What kind of goddamned joke is this? There's bird [-peep-] all over
>the house and they never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at night, the
>[-peep-] is really beginning to smell, and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not
>funny, so stop with those [-peep-] birds.
>
>Sincerely,
>Agnes
>
>
>December 21, 1997
>
>Okay Buster,
>I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with 8
>maids a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids
>a-milking, but they had to bring their goddamned cows. There's [-peep-] all
>over
>the
>lawn, and I can't move in my own house.
>
>Just Lay Off Me Smartass,
>Agnes
>
>
>
>December 22, 1997
>
>Hey Shithead,
>What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's 9 pipers playing.
>And Christ, do they play! They've never stopped chasing those maids since
>they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they're
>stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The
>neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
>
>You'll Get Yours,
>Agnes
>
>
>
>December 23, 1997
>
>You Rotten Prick,
>Now there's 10 ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts
>ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows
>can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of [-peep-].
>The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the
>building should not be condemned.
>
>I'm siccing The Police on You,
>One Who Means It
>
>
>December 24, 1997
>
>Listen Fuckhead,
>What's with the 11 lords a-leaping on those maids and ladies? Some
>of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids
>and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All 23 of the birds are
>dead.
>They've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you
>rotten, dirty, viscious swine.
>
>Your Sworn Enemy,
>
>
>Law Offices
>Badger, Bender and Cajole
>303 Knave Street
>Denver, Colorado
>
>December 26, 1997
>
>Dear Sir,
>This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12 drummers drumming
>which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein.
>The
>destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our
>attention. If you should attempt to contact Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale
>Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight.
>With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.


- I got a board too: http://www.impactsites2000.com/cgi [...] nboard.cgi