Dirty Jokes

Post or add Dirty Jokes here.

My joke:

This bloke with Tourette's Syndrome walks into the most exclusive
restaurant in town.

'Where's the pissing, mother f*cking manager, you c*ck sucking
arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters.

The waiter is taken-aback and replies, 'Excuse me sir but could
you please refrain from using that sort of language in here. I
will get the manager as soon as I can'.

The manager comes over and the bloke asks, 'Are you the f*cking
manager of this b*stard place?'

'Yes sir, I am,' replies the manager, 'but I would prefer it if
you would refrain from speaking such profanities in this, a
private restaurant'.

'F*ck off' replies the bloke 'and where's the f*cking piano?'

'Pardon?' says the manager.

'F*cking deaf as well, are we? You snivelling little piece of
[-peep-], show me your c*nting piano.'

'Ah,' replies the manager, 'you've come about the pianist job'
and he shows the bloke to the piano. 'Can you play any blues?'

'Of course I f*cking can,' and the bloke proceeds to play the
most inspiring and beautiful sounding honky-tonk blues that the
manager has ever heard.

'That's superb. What's it called?'

'I Tried To Shag Yer Missus On The Sofa But The Springs Kept
Hurting My Dick,' replies the bloke.

The manager is a bit disturbed and asks if the bloke knows any
jazz. The bloke proceeds, playing the most melancholy jazz solo
the manager has ever heard.

'Magnificent,' cries the manager. 'What's it called?'

'I Wanted A Wank Over The Washing Machine But I Got My Balls
Caught In The Soap Drawer'.

The manager is a tad embarrassed and asks if he knows any
romantic ballads. The bloke then plays the most heartbreaking
melody the manager has ever heard, 'And what's this called?' asks
the manager.

'As I F*ck You Under The Stars With The Moonlight Shining Off
Your Hairy Ring-Piece,' replies the bloke.

The manager is highly upset by the bloke's language but offers
him the job on condition that he doesn't introduce any of his
songs or talk to any of the customers.

This arrangement works well for a couple of months until one
night, sitting opposite him, is the most gorgeous blonde he has
ever laid his eyes on.

She's wearing an almost see through dress, her breasts are almost
falling out the top of her black lace bra, and the skimpy little
'G' string she's wearing is doing very little to conceal her
ample charms. She's sitting there with her legs slightly open,
sucking suggestively on asparagus shoots as the butter is
dripping down her chin.

The image is too much for the bloke and he scurries off to the
Gents to masturbate. He's tugging away furiously when he hears
the manager's voice.

'Where's that b*stard pianist?'

He just has time to relieve himself, and in a fluster he runs
back to the piano having not bothered to adjust himself properly,
sits down and starts playing some more tunes.

The blonde steps up and walks over to the piano, leans over and
whispers in his ear,

'Do you know your knob and bollocks are hanging out your trousers
and dripping spunk on your shoes?'

'Know it?' the bloke replies 'I f*cking wrote it.'



<A HREF="http://www.page3.com/" target="_new"><b>Walter for THGC mascot <font color=red>(·Y·)</font color=red></b></A>

Another dirty joke!!!

A boy told his mom, "I couldn't sleep last night so I went into your room. Why were you jumping up and down on daddy?"
His mom said, "Well dear, I was pushing the air out of him."

The boy replied, "Oh then you're wasting your time. The lady next door blows him back up every day."



<A HREF="http://www.page3.com/" target="_new"><b>Walter for THGC mascot <font color=red>(·Y·)</font color=red></b></A>

QUIK, someone give me a Monica Lewinsky joke.

I'm alone all night at this dirty waste water plant and need a pick me upper.

Danny

Two little boys come in to the house with a condom in their hands.
The mother says "YOU BAD LITTLE BOYS GET RID OF THAT RIGHT AWAY !"
Then the mother leaves the room.
One of the little boys says to the other: "Gee, good thing we didn't tel her we ate the yogurt in that thing"

How about that !

Ahhh
I remember the nights sitting by the flare pot looking at the hooters in playboy.
There's nothing that compares to the smell of $hit in the early morning dawn.

<A HREF="http://www.page3.com/" target="_new"><b>Walter for THGC mascot <font color=red>(·Y·)</font color=red></b></A>

She had one the most beautifull pair of lips i have ever seen......GOD HELP ME............

I'm not sure about that, but can't seen much wrong if it's only that. Remember i'm at my work.. =LAN=surveillance

The nun notices two alterboys sticking their privates
in a snow bank.
"What, in the name of all that's holy, are you doing?!"
They reply,"we heard the new pastor enjoys a couple cold ones after mass."

Flame not, lest ye be flamed.

here's one:
2 gay guys in a hotel room, when teh first asks "U wanna do it?"
The second says yes, so they get it on. Suddenly, the phone rings and the second says "Hold up, lemme get it- don't cum yet."
He goes ta;lks on teh phone, and comes back. The wall is covered in teh white stuff, and he asks 'Why did u cum?!"
The first guy says "I didn't, I farted."

NOS and a <font color=red> Ferrari </font color=red> can be fun!