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Please help Dr. Seuss

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March 5, 2002 4:21:52 AM

My parts, my parts, they finally came
plug them in, oh what a game.

For weeks I've waited, ordered from out West,
The last one came Ground, from UPS.

Plug this in that and that in this,
Can't even stop to take a piss.

An ASUS Board, P4T-E
and Samsung RAM, 512 M.B.!

An Antec Case, a Northwood too
and a Ti200.....that will do!

A Seagate 80 gig 7200 spin drive
A Santa Cruz too, no SB Live!

Plug the PSU in the wall,
turn on power, one and all.

CPU fan starts a spinning,
4 case fans humming, fatty's grinning!

GPU fan is twirling too,
but the monitor's still black, that will not do!

That will not do, not here nor there,
Crappy luck is everywhere!


Go away you orange light,
never green, oh what a sight.

NO BEEPS!!! NO BEEPS!!!! It's getting late,
I need my sleep, this is not great.

No beeps, not one, or two, or three.
No bad indications do I see!

This case may not have a speaker I fear,
if it does I cannot hear. OH DEAR!

Every card I did reseat,
the 1.6A did not overheat.

I took out RAM, and all else too,
Again no beeps, oh what is new.

With just video, CPU and RAM,
Oh what is wrong? I'll be damned!

The board is bad is my guess,
please tell me sir, what caused this mess?

I bought from MWAVE and Newegg,
they're clear cross country, it's help I beg.

Any thoughts to guide me through,
I'll buy you beers, not one, BUT TWO!!

The board, the board, it must be bad,
if you do not know, go ask your dad.

The CD-RW, the DVD,
The Santa Cruz, all no good to me!

Oh the shame, could have bought a Dell,
Damn my thoughts, I'll burn in Hell!

Please tell me, tell me what to do,
to fix this mess on my computer new.

The old one's back, no please, it's slow,
A 266?!? I know, I know!

Thank you all, you are the best,
it's getting late, I'm off to rest.

But not for long, I can not sleep,
I need to know which part was cheap.

-Rick

More about : seuss

March 5, 2002 4:42:29 AM

nice dr. seuss thing...he'd be proud if he were still here...anyways...ill have to read this again cause i got lost in making sure everything ryhmed...

<b><A HREF="http://gamershq.madonion.com/compare2k1.shtml?2649487" target="_new">P4 + DDR333</A>=<font color=blue>OK</font color=blue></b>
March 5, 2002 4:47:45 AM

The problem sir, here is your fate,
You've gone for years without a date!

Into this world do now depart,
And win some lass' fair heart.

But if to your computer you be true,
Remember not to forget the blue.

For that is the color of the VGA cable,
And that plug in, if ye be able.

Yet if that not the cause prove be,
Then the answer is very hard to see.

Take a rest, and by morning's light,
You'll see things clearer than late tonight.

Some spare parts, I'm sure you can manage,
To discern just what sustained damage.

It must be mobo or video card,
Or my name doesn't mean "food of lard".

And if a guess I should hazard now,
Take the video card, feed it to the cow.

But if your money you'd rather keep,
You shall send it back a thousand miles times three.

To Mwave or Newegg it shall go,
Further than ever you could throw.

On UPS, on FedEx orange and blue!
Fly to the target, the package true!

And when returns your prodigal son,
All will be over, it shall be done.

<font color=orange>Quarter</font color=orange> <font color=blue>Pounder</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Inside</font color=orange>
Don't step in the sarcasm!
Related resources
March 5, 2002 4:48:44 AM

pr479, you just had to screw me up, didn't you?

<font color=orange>Quarter</font color=orange> <font color=blue>Pounder</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Inside</font color=orange>
Don't step in the sarcasm!
March 5, 2002 3:53:00 PM

The dates I've had, too many I fear,
they're the reason no new computer for years.

I'm married now, no more dates for me,
Every three to four years, a new PC.

I've tried some things more today,
the video card works. Hooray! Hooray!

It's down to the board and the Intel chip,
one of them is due for another long trip.

Thanks again, I appreciate more,
what these boards are really for.

-Rick
March 5, 2002 4:53:43 PM

This has got to be the most entertaining and enlightning post I have ever read!!


PS. Sorry, I do not rhythm.

If it works for you then don't fix it.<P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1><EM>Edited by arsend on 03/05/02 01:55 PM.</EM></FONT></P>
March 5, 2002 5:04:09 PM

To test the boards, a shop to seek
Seek, look wide, do not be meek.

A local shop will test your proc
Get a diagnosis from a computer doc.

Motherboard I suspect be dead
But this problem can confuse your head.

But if be CPU, it's easy to tell
Try another one, it's easy as hell.

But when all is said and all is done
With your new computer you'll have much fun!

So onward, onward good knight with hope,
And do not ever, ever drop your soap.

<font color=orange>Quarter</font color=orange> <font color=blue>Pounder</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Inside</font color=orange>
Don't step in the sarcasm!
March 5, 2002 5:09:25 PM

The cpu, I sense it's bad,
What the hell! That'd make me mad!

From a friend, borrow if you can,
A cpu to test the machine at hand.

If that doesn't solve the problem you face,
I recommend a really hard kick to the case.

The parts! The parts! Why? Why? Why?
The pains they cause do make us cry.
March 5, 2002 5:24:34 PM

After reading this post, I pondered it more,
and now I suggest trying another P4

If you are real poor and live like a hobo,
you also may want to try a really cheap mobo.

It is difficult sometimes to know what to do,
but at least you know its one of the two.

If swapping the processor don't do the trick,
I suggest introducing your board to a brick.

If your P4 won't work in another machine,
go start a fire, and use gasoline.

Intel is solid, most would agree,
but for "bank for your buck," go AMD.

...anyway...

After changing these parts, if the system won't pass,
"Dude, get a Dell!," this is a pain in the buttocks
March 5, 2002 5:36:18 PM

lol

Roses are red, violets are not
Some poems rhyme, this one...doesn't.

<font color=orange>Quarter</font color=orange> <font color=blue>Pounder</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Inside</font color=orange>
Don't step in the sarcasm!
March 5, 2002 6:19:19 PM

You just posted a non-rhyming reply right off the bat. It threw off my karma :tongue:

<font color=orange>Quarter</font color=orange> <font color=blue>Pounder</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Inside</font color=orange>
Don't step in the sarcasm!
March 5, 2002 6:26:49 PM

497 is welcome to post,
but people are rhyming (well, at least most)

By not using verse, you threw off Fat's karma,
now be a sport, and don't squeeze the charmin
March 5, 2002 6:49:19 PM

If to rhyme you are trying
Your efforts are dying.

But if as a joke it is meant
Well, all humor is heaven sent!

<font color=orange>Quarter</font color=orange> <font color=blue>Pounder</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Inside</font color=orange>
Don't step in the sarcasm!
March 5, 2002 6:59:17 PM

As with most things in life, it was meant as a joke...

...now pardon me, my PC is starting to smoke...
March 5, 2002 7:06:03 PM

Your rhymes aren't sublime,
Nope - not worth a dime.

But I'd buy you a beer,
Cause your attempts were sincere.

If only you were in town,
We could drink at the local pitchers mound.

Oh no it's contagious!
My rhymes now also suck.

Oh f...... errr.. fuzz
March 5, 2002 7:10:28 PM

People are crazy, this much is true;

I'm no exception, and either am I
March 5, 2002 8:27:21 PM

I think you all have too much time
To make your posts all in a rhyme

I must admit it is quite fun
It seems you've caught another one

This is bad, I can not stop
Perhaps if I sucked on this mop

That doesn't seem to help at all
Perhaps if I bit on this ball

Mmmmm... mmmmm... mmmmmmm
(Translation)
Ahh, that is much better
All I can say is one letter.

I do not like it Tom you see,
I do not like green PCB
a b V Motherboard
March 5, 2002 8:29:00 PM

Uh, you really need to also plug in the thing called a power switch and hit the power button. Most PC's spin a few seconds after you first plug them in, they are "hot" when off so that they can be powered up from various signals.
If the power switch is OK, you probably have an extra mounting post grounding the board somewhere.

What's the frequency, Kenneth?
March 5, 2002 8:32:54 PM

Off to the local shop today I went,
dropped a twenty spot and started to vent!

I tried this and I tried that,
but I still do not know which part is a rat.

Can you help me find out what to fix,
I got no video, no beeps; you'll have to be slick.

First he checked the the RAM and the AGP slot,
the RAM seemed OK, but the other seemed not.

Off he went and grabbed some more boxes,
he was cunning and quiet, like little red foxes.

Into the PCI slot, went another fine card,
no video still, that wasn't hard.

Out came the processor, with shiny pins of gold,
into another board, and the story was told!

That monitor lit up without any doubt,
I think I now knew, the problem was out.

One last thing to check the old board's socket,
a second processor went in, and the arm he did lock it.

On next went the sink, and the black bracket too,
well what do you know, the motherboard blew.

I called Mwave quick, and what do you know,
Michelle packed one up and got it ready to go.

She took down the number from my worn credit card.
"It'll be there in two days", that wasn't hard.

"As soon as the old one comes back to us,
we'll credit you quick, with no muss or fuss".

Thank you Michelle, that really was swell,
Dude, I'm really glad I passed on the Dell.

I'd be taking a 1/2 day off from work don't you know,
so they could send out some dope, in a 4 hour window.

He'd take it apart, and lose all my data,
I'd be ripped and turning blue, and really irate-a.

My story is told, I'm glad it's all done,
the new board comes Friday, it better be fun.

Thanks once again, I enjoyed all your rhymes,
your help was even better.....some of the time :smile: .



-Rick
March 5, 2002 8:40:45 PM

I'm so very happy that you saved a buck,
but also because I think Dell is "teh suq"
March 5, 2002 9:13:43 PM

Michelle helped you out, oh what a joy!
You know you're in love, now don't be coy.

A new board to be used, what a relief
The mobo was dead, that was my belief.

Of course at first I though it was the video card
But mine arrived dead, made by a retard.

So that of course probably clouded my judgement
And made my opinion as useful as the flavor of spearmint.

Alas, shall it end? Shall we rhyme no more?
Nay, say I. This forum is sometimes a bore.

A break from the tedium, is all that we need
A favor you've done us, in short a great deed!

Thanks for the break, the imaginative thought
Instead of merely the kettle being called black by the pot.

And speaking of pot, I do often wonder
If drugs do rip many a mind asunder.

Sometimes the advice given here at Tom's Hardware
Is nothing but fluff, and lighter than air.

Who really does know what they're talking about?
And who merely likes to stand up and shout?

Crashman knows a lot, that much is clear
Others know nothing, but we still hold them dear.

This rhyme is too long, I must cut it short!
But I rhyme by the gallon, not just by the quart.

Poetry I love, short writing the same
It's sometimes quite a challenge, and I love the game.

To rhyme random words, I'm actually quite quick
Though sometimes I steal, or I even nick.

A rhyme from someone else, or do the same twice
But keep it quiet, yes even as mice.

Don't tell anyone that I often cheat!
Or I shall be mad, and you'll be dead as meat.

Shall I end this now, I've rambled along
Is that the door, I hear a "Ding-dong".

Just joking of course, as I am at work
And wondering if babies really do come from a stork.

Of course they do not, I'm not that young you see
Though young and carefree I wish I could be.

Enough! I am done, this post is long due
To be finished by me, and no I am through.

<font color=orange>Quarter</font color=orange> <font color=blue>Pounder</font color=blue> <font color=orange>Inside</font color=orange>
Don't step in the sarcasm!
March 9, 2002 2:34:19 PM

This is the second P4T-E that I have received from MWAVE and the [-peep-] thing doesn't work either.....anyone else have any problems like this. Again, no post codes, and no video signal. I can;t believe that ASUS is at fault....I am really starting to get pissed....I have now spent an additional $20 to get the first one tested and an additional $14 for shipping on the replacement (now it will cost another $6.50 to ship this piece of [-peep-] back). I could have bought the stupid thing at COMPUSA for cheaper.



-Rick
March 10, 2002 3:46:36 AM

As a follow up, for some reason, my new system is up and running...I kept the second motherboard, and it now works great. I brought it to a local shop, set it up for him to have him take a look at it, and it worked! ! ! Go figure. I have no idea what was wrong, but it now is working FINE!!! Even Photoshop 6 and these bulletin boards at Tom's open quickly (I didn;t realize how much of a chore it was, until now).

-Rick
!