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Caption Contest: Happy Birthday, Steve Ballmer!

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March 25, 2010 1:42:03 PM

"I totally control that girl's mind..."
Score
-5
March 25, 2010 2:23:24 PM

cingular: raising the bar
Score
-6
March 25, 2010 2:23:44 PM

Ballmer & random Asian girl: "We are the Borg. Resistance is futile."

random Asian guy: "Bend over and tell that to my West Siiiiiiied Shocker!"
Score
4
March 25, 2010 2:23:56 PM

"Two people about to receive the shocker"

Really, why is that guy putting up the "shocker?"
Score
-6
March 25, 2010 2:24:49 PM

"Hey I thought those face suckers were....oooo look at the pretty lights."
Score
-5
March 25, 2010 2:25:13 PM

Cornrows
Score
-5
March 25, 2010 2:25:23 PM

"Smile if you know you look ridiculous"
Score
-5
March 25, 2010 2:25:42 PM

[Man in the middle] Muahahahahahaahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! You have fallen for my evil plan. These mind control devices will give me power over one of the biggest companies in the world, and the woman I love. ***Throws west side sign for extra gangsta***

[Steve Ballmer - said through teeth] Stop making me smile you bastard! SOMEBODY HELP.

[Asian lady] This is kind of kinky. XD
Score
14
March 25, 2010 2:26:16 PM

"We girls have to stick together, even in hair styles!"
Score
-5
March 25, 2010 2:28:29 PM

Ballmer - "How long did you say I have to wear this thing until my hair grows back?"
Score
22
March 25, 2010 2:29:45 PM

Why bother?
Score
-5
March 25, 2010 2:31:03 PM

"This is to harness my telekinesis powers. Instead of bending spoons I shall raise Microsoft Stocks!"
Score
-6
Anonymous
March 25, 2010 2:32:43 PM

steve ballmer demonstrating the new electroshock therapy controller for xbox
Score
-3
March 25, 2010 2:33:59 PM

That's not shocker. Shocker has the ring finger turned in, not the middle finger.

Unless your GF is opposite of most women.

:D 
Score
-5
March 25, 2010 2:36:53 PM

Guy in the middle. "And if I increase the Voltage you will end up with a dimple in your forehead, a gray beard and a pink tie."

Score
-5
Anonymous
March 25, 2010 2:37:10 PM

All your brain are belong to us!
Score
12
March 25, 2010 2:39:48 PM

Ballmer [thinks to himself]: "This reminds me... i really should make an appointment to see my dentist..."
Score
-6
Anonymous
March 25, 2010 2:44:13 PM

In response to Nintendo's announcement of the 3DS, Steve Ballmer unveiled the 360's newest accessory. Xbox 3D360 :o 
Score
-6
March 25, 2010 2:46:31 PM

"How much do YOU think this brain wave emitter is worth? Wait just one more minute before you answer. Watch as MS Brain makes this woman smile. Now how much do you think this emitter is worth? Don't answer. Wait until you see it work on this person without an emitter. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, It controls peoples minds through thin air!? Thats right, you can make people do stuff EVEN PEOPLE WITHOUT A RECIEVER! How much did you guess? $500? A Thousand? EVEN MORE? NO!! Its just $99! Thats right its $99. Its an incredible value but its true. Its MS Brain From Microsoft!"
Score
15
March 25, 2010 2:48:33 PM

Ballmer: "You're sure this will actually give me control of Steve Jobs?"

Offstage reply: "Sure!"

Ballmer: "Sweet!"
Score
9
March 25, 2010 2:50:10 PM

Steve getting ready for the "I Love Lucy" convention.
Score
-6
March 25, 2010 2:51:23 PM

Steve with his two adopted love children.
Score
-7
March 25, 2010 2:52:22 PM

"♪♪ If I only had a brain...♪♪ Oh, wait! I'll just use hers."
Score
-2
March 25, 2010 2:52:24 PM

Steve: Hey lookie! I can haz controlz over me Apple fanboyz and fangirlz!!!!
Score
0
March 25, 2010 2:52:43 PM

In a horrible occurance, Ballmer got tricked into putting on the Apple Brainwashing hardware (iBrainWipe). He was next overheard saying "Oh my, laptops with no keyboards or enough connectors with sealed batteries are a great idea! Let me get my black Amex out."
Score
10
March 25, 2010 2:52:52 PM

Steve : As most of you know, I used to be gay, and so was this beautiful young lady to my right, my new wife. Directly to my right is my former husband and the next recipient of this procedure.
Score
-7
March 25, 2010 2:56:14 PM

I'd rather cut off my middle finger and thumb than have to wear one of those! (DONE!)
Score
-4
March 25, 2010 3:00:07 PM

Firstly...WTF is that THING they are wearing?
Secondly
Ballmer: Microsoft's new virtual sex-mo-tron works perfectly!
Pimp in Middle: Yo homie, this virtual lovin' is gonna cost you!
Girl: OMG virtual Steve Ballmer has his tentacles EVERYWHERE!
Score
15
March 25, 2010 3:01:33 PM

Never have a "bad hair day" again with the new I-Cornrow, featuring goldtooth connectivity and 48 hours on 1 charge!
Score
-2
March 25, 2010 3:11:35 PM

More monkey dance!!!
Score
-3
March 25, 2010 3:18:11 PM

Steve: " Here we are testing windows 9. Just put on the head gear, close your eyes and it's on..... in your mind.... As you can see, Ralph to my right, Loves it"
Score
3
March 25, 2010 3:33:58 PM

Steve: "Does this kid want to give both her and I some form of weird Shocker?"
Score
-5
March 25, 2010 3:44:10 PM

Steve is really drunk. He has realized he has invested over 50 million dollars into a technology that doesn't work and no one wants.

The asians are happy because they are getting paid $100,000.00 a year to develop a technology that doesn't work and no one wants.

Windows 7 is good though.
Score
-5
March 25, 2010 3:53:37 PM

Scientology invades Silicon Valley. Ballmer missing, presumed crazy.
Score
10
March 25, 2010 3:56:12 PM

Steve: "This will definitely distract ANYONE from the reversed .Net ad in the background!"
Score
-5
March 25, 2010 3:56:37 PM

Caption: A Halloween Photo of Steve Ballmer going as a Communist Party leader in China. Notice the brainwashing head-gear, so stylish!
Score
0
March 25, 2010 4:02:07 PM

Look MA, I'm Brainiac.
Score
-3
March 25, 2010 4:10:36 PM

holy crap, look at all the negatives
Score
-6
March 25, 2010 4:14:36 PM

Steve: "and this is the helmet I used to boost my telepathic abilities to find out what people wanted in an OS with Vista"

employee: "uhhhh Steve... that's the sex-matron"

Steve:"oh, this might explain why vista was so fu......"
Score
4
March 25, 2010 4:44:09 PM

Compare the smiles of our two Microsoft LiveSmile participants with that of a regular individual (center). You can see that the electronic muscle stimulation (delivered by our discrete, scalp-based electrodes) produces a realistic smile on even the grumpiest faces, right Steve? . Use our new product on disgruntled employees, upset children, depressed elderly, anywhere a gumpy sourpuss is ruining your day!
Score
1
Anonymous
March 25, 2010 5:05:49 PM

With my new invention I now control an Asian and the ugliest man alive! West siiiiiieeeeeede!
Score
-4
March 25, 2010 5:18:29 PM

Man-in-the-middle: "Now when I wave my hands, her hair will be magically transplanted to his head"
Score
2
March 25, 2010 6:13:16 PM

Now with this easy device you can execute remote code on Microsoft's Executives
Score
-2
March 25, 2010 6:13:41 PM

Guy in the middle: This tiny device passes high voltage electricity though the users face, causing all their facial muscles to tense, and an extremely ecstatic expression to manifest on their face. They are actually in enormous amounts of pain.

Ballmer: ...elp...eee...
Score
1
March 25, 2010 6:20:16 PM

Steve: So glad you could make it! Have you meet my friends? This is Cokenail, and his girlfriend Ugly Betty.
Score
-1
March 25, 2010 7:50:05 PM

Steve: Some people say that Microsoft (reserved) makes evil products. Not so. Now that I have finished showing you the new MS Housekeeper, we can turn around and smile for the caA!...
Score
-2
March 25, 2010 7:52:48 PM

Steve: I can't believe they just took my picture with this thing on my head!
Score
-1
March 25, 2010 8:13:30 PM

"Windows 7 makes life simpler.. You put this device on his head, the other on hers, and POOF! You finally understand women!"
Score
2
March 25, 2010 8:36:48 PM

ZOMG Ballmer and I have the same birthday.. sketch :D 
Score
-2
!